If I Die... (Final Ending to Deadly in Love)

Chapter 42

(Christie's pov)
-6pm-
I guess I fell asleep awhile ago, because my head was resting on Justin's warm chest. My stomach was still hurting a bit. That's not what's bothering me. I couldn't have the baby. I hate every inch of myself, because the baby died. Even though he/she wasn't mine, I still wanted to take a chance. It's not fair. It's not fair at all. It's not fair how everything goes wrong in MY life. I've been selfish all my life, hating myself and all, but it's still not fair. It's not fair to the baby. It's not fair to Justin.
And how does everyone expect me to get "better". I mean, it's not easy to recover from the hell I've been through since I was 12 years old. I just want to kill myself. Maybe, if it wasn't for Drew and Justin, I would. As long as they're alive, it makes if impossible to leave this world.
"Christie, are you hurt?"
Justin interrupted my mind.
"Oh...no, I was just...thinking."
I realized I was squeezing his shoulder.
"Baby, don't do that. You know I hate it when you overthink stuff."
He caressed my cheek.
"I know...Are you mad at me?"
I know I'm the one who screwed everything up. I know I am.
"What? Christie, why would I be mad at you?"
Justin seemed surprised at my question.
"For everything."
I had to lower my voice, because I didn't want to start crying.
"No, Christie, I'm not mad at you. I'm never mad at you."
He kissed my forehead.
"I wanted to have the baby so badly, Justin."
I whispered, because I was growing closer to crying.
"I know, baby. I wish I could help you."
Justin sounded helpless and sad.
"You can only do so much, Justin."
I tucked myself closer to him.
"I know...but you deserve the best, babe. You deserve to be happy."
He spoke truthfully.
"So do you."
I pointed out.
"Yea, but this isn't about me. It's about YOU. Everything's about YOU. I revolve my life around YOU. I love you and only you."
Justin's words were pretty strong.
"What about Drew?"
I whispered, missing him every second.
"You and Drew. I love you guys to death. I'm gonna get Drew back. I swear it, baby."
Justin promised.
"Hey, guys, what's for dinner?"
Ryan asked. Everyone was chilling out in here, but they mind their own business.
"What do you want, babe?"
Justin asked me, and I shrugged.
"Soup?"
He suggested.
"Ok."
I nodded.
"Oh, I know I good soup place nearby. They have everything."
Kayla stated.
"What kind you want, baby? Chicken noodle?"
Justin asked, and I nodded again.
"Ok, get us chicken noodle."
Justin spoke as they stood up.
"Alright, see you in a moment."
Za waved goodbye. Justin hugged me gently once everyone was gone. There was a knock on the door; then he sighed and released me.
"Excuse me. Have you thought of a Christie's recovery plan? We'd like to transfer her as soon as possible."
The doctor walked in.
"Yea, what time can you move her?"
Justin asked. I hated this topic. I hate it.
"The soonest is tomorrow morning, around 9am."
The doctor said, and Justin agreed.
"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow morning."
The doctor left the room.
"This'll work just in time."
Justin said, mostly to himself.
"When are you going?"
I asked him. I was really scared for him. A lot of bad things could happen. I mean, he's gonna be with his brother, and his brother is definitely someone not to mess with.
"Pretty soon, whenever the others come back."
He knows I'm worried. He knows that there's a possibility of not coming back. That's what scares me.
"Can you stay for dinner?"
I asked hopefully.
"Of course I can stay for dinner, babygirl."
Justin smiled warmly. I hugged him, never wanting to let go. I don't wanna take the chance of not seeing him again. I'm scared. I wish there was an easier way to do this. I kissed him, right on the lips. I kissed him, because he always kisses me first. I kissed him first this time.
"Mm-what's this for, baby?"
Justin mumbled in the kiss.
"I love you."
I hugged him tight as he hugged me back.
"I love you too, beautiful."
He lovingly kissed my head.
"We've got dinner."
The others walked in. They weren't hyped or excited anymore, especially Brie and Za. I know it's because of the miscarriage. And maybe because the guys are going, and the girls are worried just like I am.
"Thanks, guys."
Justin set a small bowl in front of me and him. He opened the lid then took the first bite.
"It's good, babe."
Justin motioned me to eat. I took the spoon and dipped it in the soup.
"Look how delicious this looks, babe. Look at all that nutrients."
Justin whispered enthusiastically. I smiled, knowing he was trying to make me see the good side of eating. I put the spoon in my mouth and swallowed the liquid.
"Good?"
Justin asked with hopefulness. I nodded; then Justin smiled.
"Take another bite, babe. It's good for you."
He encouraged me.
"Oh, look. Is that a carrot? Mm, those are delicious. It's good for your heart-"
"Ok, I get it, Justin."
I giggled before I could take my second bite. Justin chuckled then let me eat.
"Aye, Khalil, what time are we going?"
Justin asked. I felt my stomach and chest tighten.
"After we eat."
Khalil answered. I don't have much of an appetite when I'm scared, but I don't wanna disappoint Justin, especially if this is the last time I'll see him. I drank the liquid of the soup, but I didn't eat the extras. Justin smiled proudly at me then kissed my cheek.
"Good girl."
He whispered, making me blush.
"I haven't seen that in a while."
He brushed his thumbs over my cheeks. I smiled shyly...until he got up.
"Alright, bae, I gotta go. I'll see you soon."
Justin stretched since he hasn't been out of bed all day, except to use the bathroom. He hasn't left my side ever. I don't even know the last time he took a shower, but I don't care.
"What time will you be back?"
I tried not to show how terribly scared I was, but I'm not good at that.
"Around 4-6am. Don't stay up all night, baby. You'll know when I'm back."
He put on a gray hoodie.
"Ok."
I swallowed hard.
"I'm gonna come back. I promise, Christie."
He leaned in for a hug, so I hugged him tight, nearly falling off the hospital bed.
"Careful, babe...Fuck, I love you so much."
Justin scooped me up and lifted me up by my thighs. I clung onto him and forced myself not to cry.
"Ok, babygirl, I've gotta go. See you in a bit."
Justin set me down carefully on the bed.
"You girls take care of her for me."
Justin told the girls.
"Ok, stay safe, you guys."
Stacy told Khalil, Za, Ryan, and Justin.
"We will."
They headed out the door, and I wished Justin never left, because I want to see him again.

(A/N: Justin's got me going crazy. I love every little thing about him. OMB!😱😘😁😱😱😱😱😍😍😍😍)

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