If I Die... (Final Ending to Deadly in Love)

Chapter 25

Chapter song: Stay by Rihanna feat. Mikky Ekko
(Christie's pov)
-7pm-
I had 2 grapes for dinner then went to take my 3rd shower. It may sound weird, but I feel filthy and disgusting inside and out. Justin was feeding Drew, so I made my way to the bathroom.
"Christie, wait"
Justin stopped me. I turned around to look at him in his sad eyes.
"Please don't do it. Please, Christie"
He sounded like it hurt him. I couldn't say anything, because it would end up hurting one of us. I just turned around and headed into the bathroom. I turned on the shower and broke into tears. Why am I so worthless? Why do I always get hurt? Why should I feel guilty? It's how I feel...yet why should I not feel guilty? Justin's been giving me everything. He obviously cares so much about me, so why am I doing this? I don't hate him. I hate myself. It's not his fault anymore. Yes, he might've pulled me deeper into this by making me hate myself even more. But It's my fault. I feel so ugly and guilty and disgusting. It's just not his fault. I can't live like this. I can't live with the guilt, the pain, the hate on myself. I finished my shower and dressed myself up. I dried my eyes just to tear up again. I sat against the wall and grabbed the broken pieces of glass. It felt so relieving to let out my pain. It always does. However, I hate every last bit of myself. I really would like to die.
"I really hate when you do this, Christie. You seriously don't know how I feel, right now"
Justin was on the other side of the door.
"I'm fine, Justin"
My voice was shaky as blood trickled down my arm.
"Fine? Nobody's fine anymore, baby"
He chuckled in a sad way.
"What am I supposed to do, Justin? I can't help myself...you can't either"
I sniffled and let my arm drip with blood.
"It was worth a try"
He muttered painfully.
"Go away, Justin"
I sighed and whimpered in both emotional and physical pain.
"...No, I'm going in"
He opened the door, and I regretted not locking it. Justin stared at me with disbelief and hurt.
"Dammit, Christie"
He looked away and tugged his hair. I wanted to cry again.
"Give it to me"
He took the glass out of my hands and wet a paper towel.
"Get up"
He sounded upset. I started to cry from everything going on.
"Get up, Christie"
His voice was sharp. I stood up weakly. He harshly yet lightly grabbed my arm and wiped the blood away.
"Why the hell are you doing this?"
He tightly bandaged my arm.
"Justi-"
"No, Christie. I've had patience, but I'm done. I'm sick of this. You refuse to believe anything good. Do you know how damn difficult it is to stand outside while you're in here doing this? I know what you're doing, Christie. I know everything about you. I'm not fucking stupid"
He raised his voice, but he wasn't shouting.
"I never said you were"
I cried in my sleeves.
"It hurts, Christie. Seeing you like this hurts me. I can't stop worrying about you. I can't stop worrying that you're gonna kill yourself-"
"Justin, I'm not-"
"How am I supposed to believe that? You're clearly not showing me any good reasons to"
He sounded really upset.
"I'm sorry"
I cried.
"Do you know how much this hurts?"
He swallowed hard, making me cry harder. I shook my head in shame.
"I'll show you"
He raised his sleeve then put the piece of glass against his wrist. My eyes widened and heart fell dramatically.
"Justin, no-"
"You're gonna watch me do this, Christie, and you're gonna see how it feels to be me everyday"
Justin started to drag the glass across his skin, blood starting to drip out.
"Stop! Justin! Please stop!!"
I cried harder than ever.
"Doesn't feel so great, right?"
His wrist was bleeding, and it made me go crazy.
"I get it Justin!! I get it!!!"
I cried so hard that my voice was barely lasting.
"Do I need to do this again?"
He pressed a towel to his arm. I shook my head and cried. I continued to cry until my head pounded, and I was hiccuping. Justin sighed then hugged me tight.
"Every time you cut, that's what I'm gonna do. Got it?"
He whispered in my ear. I nodded.
"Get some sleep, babygirl"
He turned off the lights and helped me into bed. Drew was already asleep. Justin wrapped me up in his arms as I was still trying to calm down.
"I'm sorry I did that to you"
I couldn't stop crying.
"It's ok, baby. I know it's difficult for you"
He kissed my head.
"I'm sorry, Justin"
I apologized again.
"Don't worry about it, Christie. I love you so much"
He let me nuzzle into his neck.
"I love you too"
I mumbled against his warm skin. I didn't want to think about this ever again.
-9am-
Last night was probably the worst one yet. I don't know what to do. Does Justin really mean that he'll cut himself if I cut again? I guess I have no choice but to quit. It'll be overwhelming, but I don't want Justin to do that again. I want to kill myself. I'm so selfish. Look what I made Justin do. It's all my fault. I got up and carried Drew into the bathroom. He was already awake, so I gave him a bath. Drew doesn't deserve this. He deserves a mom who has herself together, unlike me. According to Justin, I'm fucked up. His words still replay in my head. I fed Drew then gave him his bottle. I rested my elbows on the counter and put my head in my hands, feeling my head fill with bad thoughts. My eyes watered, and tears started to fall. I knew Justin would wake up, but I don't care anymore. I heard someone sigh and shift in bed. That made me feel annoying, and it made me cry harder too.
"Christie, don't cry, baby"
Justin lazily got up and embraced me. I saw the bandage on his forearm and broke down completely from the memory of last night.
"Christie, calm down, babygirl. Don't cry"
His morning voice was perfection.
"I'm so sorry, Justin"
I cried in his warm, bare chest.
"Don't be sorry, baby. I love you so much"
Justin dried my eyes. There was a knock on the front door. He kissed my temple, put on a shirt, then looked through the peephole.
"What the hell?"
He muttered to himself then opened the door.
"Police department. Put your hands up"
Someone ordered. I furrowed my eyebrows and watched as 5 police officers intruded our apartment.
"What's going on?"
I asked and grabbed Drew.
"Are you familiar with Nathan Black?"
The officer asked us.
"No"
Justin and I both answered.
"You sure about that, son?"
The officer asked Justin.
"I'm sure"
Justin's hands were up. The name doesn't ring a bell. Nathan? I can't think of anything.
"Explain this"
The officer held up a picture of Justin standing over a dead guy. But it wasn't Justin, it was Jason.
"That's not me. That's my brother"
Justin explained. I bit my lip nervously.
"Let's take a little trip, shall we?"
At that moment, all the officers started to handcuff Justin. I felt them handcuff me too, taking Drew from my hands.
"Hey, you can't do that!"
Justin raised his voice.
"Get in the car"
They shoved me and Justin in separate police cars.
"We didn't do anything"
I was so frustrated. They can't just take Drew from us. They aren't allowed to do this!
"We'll see about that"
The car started and drove into a station. I was yanked out strictly and led inside the station. I saw Justin looking infuriated sitting in a chair. I was seated beside him. I gave him a confused look. He only shook his head in frustration. His jaw was clenched, and the veins on his arms were visible.
"Your brother, huh? Doesn't show up in your profile"
The officer showed us his laptop. I saw Justin's profile. Jason's name wasn't anything related to Justin's. My heart dropped.
"You're under arrest for murder"
The officers pulled Justin toward the door.
"No, stop! He didn't do anything!"
I shouted and stood up for Justin. I was pulled back harshly, so I purposely started screaming. Justin gave me a concerned look and glared at the officers.
"I'll be out once the others find out. Stay close to Khalil, ok?"
Justin was being yanked hardly. I nodded, letting the tears fall. Once Justin was gone, the handcuffs were taken off me.
"I fucking hate you"
I glared at the officers and took Drew from one of the officers' hands. I walked out of the station furiously and headed back to the apartment to tell Khalil about this. Something grabbed my shoulder, and I turned around to see Jason.

(A/N: OMB I'm so happy for Justin😫☺️ He looks so happy!😍😭😱😁)

🍌 Vote 🍌