If I Die... (Final Ending to Deadly in Love)

Chapter 12

Chapter song: The Sadness Will Never End by Bring Me The Horizon
(Christie's pov)
-10am-
I woke up to someone in the kitchen. It was just Za. I looked at the crib to see Drew whimpering in his sleep. He must be dreaming. I unwrapped Justin's arms from my waist and stood up. Drew started to wake up and whine fragilely. I hurried to him and picked him up with care.
"Shh, it's ok, baby"
I rocked him and went to the bathroom to change his diaper. While I was in the bathroom, I got got ready for the day. I gave Drew his bottle then walked into the kitchen.
"How you doing, girl?"
Za took a drink of orange juice.
"Good"
I took a cup of applesauce for Drew.
"You freakin out?"
He smiled and put the empty cup in the sink.
"A little"
I returned the smile as I fed Drew.
"I think we all are. But it'll get better"
Za stood beside me.
"I guess so"
I shrugged.
"I should get back to bed"
He motioned to his bedroom.
"Since when do you stop getting up early?"
I smiled jokingly.
"Since now"
He grinned then walked back in his room. I fed the last of the applesauce to Drew then kissed his head. My phone buzzed and an unknown number flashed across the screen. I hesitated twice before answering it.
"Miss me, bitch?.."
The voice sounded like a girl, and I knew exactly who it was. Stephanie.
"Wha-what do you want?"
I spoke quiet, so Justin wouldn't hear.
"You want some advice?"
She sounded amused. I hate her so much.
"N-not really"
I stuttered. I know she's just playing with my head.
"...Well, honestly, I think you should take a trip to the gym cos you're getting big. When I first saw you, I didn't think Justin would choose someone as hideous as you. Do you really think he'll love you forever?..."
It was like she knew it hurt me. I get convinced easily, and this is exactly why I didn't want to hear her out in the first place.
"...Anyway, that's just my opinion. I guess I'll see you soon"
And with that said, she hung up. My heart was throbbing with pain. Is that really true? I mean, I am getting big. Just look at my stomach. Does love really last forever? Am I expecting some kind of fairytale ending? No. Depressed girls don't have fairytale endings. I slid on the floor and dried my eyes, which teared up from hearing that. I'll never be good enough. Justin will never-
"Christie, what are you doing on the floor, babygirl?"
Justin was awake and shirtless.
"Sorry"
I stood up and lifted Drew in my arms. I set him gently in his crib and tucked him in a blanket, hoping Justin wouldn't make a big deal about this. When I backed up, I bumped into Justin's half naked body. I turned around to be face to face with Justin.
"Don't lie to me, Christie"
He brushed a thumb over my eyes, signaling that he knew I was hurt, because I had tears.
"I-I'm just thinking about something"
I stuttered a bit.
"You're lying to me"
He sighed disappointedly and headed to the bathroom. I teared up and sat with my head in my hands to cover up my crying. I wish it wasn't this hard to confess my feelings. I'm sure Justin has his secrets too.
(Justin's pov)
Dammit. Why is Christie so stubborn? Why is she hating on herself again? Was it me? Yes, it's all my fault. I shouldn't have...I don't know. I've gave her everything I could give. I don't know where I went wrong. Did I not give her much time? Should I have helped out with Drew more often? I know half of this is Stephanie's fault for trying to get back together with me. I freshened up then walked out to see Christie crying on the couch. Fuck. I sat beside her.
"Hey, don't cry, baby. Whatever's on your mind isn't true. You're perfect to me, bae"
I held her close. I knew why she was acting like this. There was a knock at the door. I stood up and answered it. Before I knew it, someone punched me and tackled me to the ground. It was some random guy, probably works for Jason.
"Get the fuck off me!"
I fought back. The guy struck a knife at my head but missed. I heard Christie screaming.
"Shit"
I hissed and kneed him in his stomach. He groaned in pain, and I took this chance to grab the knife. By the time I got a hold of the knife, the guy was heading toward Christie and Drew with a gun. I panicked, tackled him, and slammed the knife in his neck. Christie screamed and rushed to Drew. I stared at the lifeless body underneath me. Shit. What've I done? I killed someone. In front of Christie. In front of my own son.
"What the fuck, Justin?! Who is he?!"
Za barged into the room. Brie screamed as well and rushed to Christie.
"I-I don't know. He tried to kill me"
I was frozen with shock and guilt.
"Shit shit shit! We need to get the others"
Za was freaking out and went to get the others. I was still on the dead body, letting the blood soak my hand. I shouldn't have done this. Jason will be even more pissed. Dammit! What's wrong with me?! I snapped back to reality and rushed to the sink to wash my hands.
"Bieber, what the fuck did you do?!"
The others were here. I didn't make a sound. I didn't know what to say.
"Why would you ki-"
"He was gonna kill them! What was I supposed to do?! He had a gun!"
I defended myself.
"That doesn't mean you fucking kill the guy!"
Khalil spat.
"I'm sorry ok?! I'm sorry for protecting my family! I didn't mean for it to happen!"
I stormed outside, slamming the door behind me. I reached into my pocket...Shit, what am I doing? Those days are over. I have a child. It's bad enough that I killed a guy in front of him. I don't need to be on drugs too. Even if I was, I don't even have a way to get them. I haven't been this stressed out in months, and it's still a habit to reach into my pocket for drugs. I'm not getting back into that shit. Jason knows where we live. He's somehow able to track us down 24/7. I sighed and sat on the stairs. How am I gonna protect Christie and Drew? I just made it worse by killing one of Jason's gang members.
"Justin, are you ok?"
A soft, delicate voice asked from behind me. Christie.
"You shouldn't be out here like this, Christie"
I was too worried about her safety to answer her question.
"I want to"
She sat beside me.
"Listen, baby, I'm sorry abou-"
"It's ok, Justin..."
She mumbled hesitantly.
"I know that was something you shouldn't have seen, especially Drew. I wasn't thinking, and I feel like crap for doing that"
I spilled out my feelings to her.
"I said it's ok, Justin...I know you were protecting us...You did tell me to trust you"
She mumbled out.
"Kiss me...please"
I whispered out a beg. She gave me worried look then kissed me. I held her close and secure.
"Thank you"
I sat her in my lap. She just nuzzled in my neck and wrapped her arms around me. I don't know what to do anymore. What if I can't protect them