If I Die... (Final Ending to Deadly in Love)

Chapter 15

Chapter song: Coming Down by The Weeknd
(Justin's pov)
I drove into a nearby alley and killed the engine. Just once to relief a little stress, then I'll go back to Christie. I sighed and opened the package and set the drugs up. It looked like marihuana, but a little different. I don't care. It's the only kind I have, and I'll take it. I paused with the lighter in my hand...I can't do this. I've been over 6 months clean...but I'm so stressed out about Christie and Jason and protecting Drew. Fuck it. I clicked the lighter on and waited a few seconds before inhaling the smoke in. The smoke swept down my throat and into my lungs. Ohhh yesss. The feeling of serenity and warmth spread throughout my body. I blew out the stress into the cold air and dared to inhale more. I kept breathing in and out the smoke until my body couldn't function anymore.
-2am-
An excited buzz woke me up. It was just my phone. I took deep breaths and tried to focus. Fuck. What've I done? It's 2am. Christie must be worried sick. Guilt overwhelmed me and made me pound against the dashboard.
"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!"
I shouted at myself. I felt like shit inside and out.
"Dammit!...I'm so sorry. I'm sorry...Christie"
A tear slipped out and rolled down my cheek. I quickly put myself together, dangerously drove back to the apartment, and bursted inside to see Christie curled up in bed with Drew.
"Christie..."
I locked the door and rushed to her.
"What took you so long, Justin?"
She stood up and walked close to me.
"I-I...Christie..."
I really wanna just confess myself to her. Christie covered her mouth.
"No, Justin...Y-you didn't. Justin why?"
She stuttered and pushed the hood off my head.
"Christie...This wasn't supposed to happen"
I sighed and held her waist.
"Justin...no. Please, no. You can't do this"
Her voice grew brittle.
"I won't do it again, Christie. I won't"
I hugged her tightly. She nodded softly in the hug and cried.
"No, why are you crying, baby?"
I broke the hug to cup her face in my hands.
"I'm so scared, Justin"
She moved my hands away.
"Why? What happened?"
I held her hands comfortingly.
"Someone was knocking. I didn't answer it, and the knocking got louder. I was scared that someone would break in"
She sobbed in her sleeves.
"It's ok now. I got you, baby. I won't leave again"
I took my shirt off and laid Drew in his crib. Dammit. This is all my fault.
"C'mere, babygirl"
I wrapped her up. She curled up in my embrace and rested her head on my chest.
"...You've been crying too much, baby. I don't like that. It's not good for you"
I murmured quietly, caressing her back.
"Sorry, it's just..."
"-There's a lot going on. I know that. Just don't cry alone, ok? Come to me. I'll cheer you up, bae"
I whispered softly as I held her close. It wasn't meant to be dirty. I really meant it in a comforting way.
"Thanks, Justin"
She whispered, and all was quiet.
(Christie's pov)
-10am-
I hope Justin's doesn't get back into drugs. Right now is really bad timing. I'm pretty sure he's thinking the same thing about me. I cut myself last night. I made sure Drew was asleep first. I wish Justin would understand why I'm doing this. Part of it is Justin's ex. Another part is my mind, the way I see myself as a person, as a mother and wife. The last portion of it is because of all the hurtful texts I've been getting. Stephanie keeps texting me insults. She says I'm not good enough for Justin, and that I can't even go a day with doubting Justin. She's says I need to lose weight before Justin gets disgusted. She also says that Justin's cheating on me with her. She pointed out that Justin has a thing for blondes. I just realized that every girl Justin has been with is a blonde, including me. Maybe Stephanie is right. Justin doesn't truly love me. My appearance isn't good enough for him. I don't wanna force Justin to love me, because I'm not enough for him. I fed Drew our last cup of applesauce. Justin didn't get any food last night, because he'd rather do drugs. I'm upset about that, but look at me. I can't tell him to stop his habits when I can't even stop mine. I gave Drew his bottle then went to give him a bath. After Drew's bath, I set him in his crib again, because he still seemed tired. Justin was still sleeping too, but I know why. He did drugs last night. This gives me enough time. I couldn't use any razors, so I used a knife from the kitchen. I sat on the floor, so if Justin were to wake up, he wouldn't see me behind the counter. I was filled with hatred. I hated myself. I hated every inch, very feature. I took the knife and slid it across my wrist, like I did last night. Blood started to drip, so I bandaged it up and wiped away any tears that formed. I began to wash the dishes, including the knife.
"Shit"
Someone hissed, then I saw Justin jump out of bed and rush to the trashcan. I hurried to him as he threw up. I quickly gathered a towel and water bottle for him. By the time I returned, Justin was catching his breath on the floor.
"Here..."
I handed him the towel and water before sitting next to him.
"...Are you ok?"
I asked softly.
"Yea, thanks, babe"
Justin took a drink of water and caught his breath. I slipped my hand in his, and he squeezed it.
"Are you ok?"
I ran my hand through his hair.
"I'm good"
He nodded and stood up, helping me up too. He kissed my temple before heading to the bathroom. I rolled up my sleeves and continued washing dishes.
"Yea, he said that....listen, bro, can we just move to a different state or something?....ugh, you're right...."
Justin entered the room on his phone. He must be talking with one of the guys. He winked at me and wrapped his free arm around my waist as I continued to wash the dishes. I smiled at him and he smiled back...then his smile disappeared and his eyes narrowed to my hands.
"...Hold up, bro. I'll call you back in a sec"
Justin hung up then turned off the sink. He turned me around and pulled up the rest of my sleeve. Shit.
"No...no, Christie. How did you do this?"
Justin sounded upset and frustrated. I teared up and found it hard to speak. What do I tell him?
"Christie"
He gripped my shoulders. I bit my lip and broke eye contact. He sighed and let go of me.
"Answer me"
His voice was gravelly from throwing up. I reached for the knife and handed it to him in shame.
"Dammit, Christie...Fuck!"
Justin snapped and struck the knife into the wall. I jumped in shock and began to cry.
"You're done with that"
He ripped the knife out of the wall and took the other knives with him. I stayed glued to the floor and cried.
"Just to be sure. I'm taking this too"
Justin collected all the forks too. I slid on the floor and sobbed in my sleeves.
"I'm sorry"
I choked out, not knowing if he heard me or not. I heard the door shut, and everything was quiet. I stood back up to discover that Justin left. I cried even harder and hated myself even more. I grew angry with myself.
"Why can't I just be good enough?"
I cried with suicidal thoughts in my head.
(Justin's pov)
I can't take this! She's not worth trying to stop! I tell her not to cut herself, and she fucking burns herself. I tell her not to harm herself, and she cuts again. I just want to get it through her stubborn head that she's perfect. What do I have to do, fucking tie her up? That doesn't seem like a bad idea, but that'll make everything worse. She won't want to be near me if I did that. I reached in my pocket to find marihuana. I sighed and set it up. If Christie can't stop hurting herself, why should I stop smoking? I breathed in the drug and let it take over my system.

(I think I'm getting sick😷 posting on Wednesday)

Vote pleez💥