If I Die... (Final Ending to Deadly in Love)

Chapter 31

Video works^^^
Chapter song: As Real As You And Me by Rihanna
(Christie's pov)
-11am-
"You guys can come. It's room 66B."
A male voice made my eyes squint open. Justin was using the hospital phone.
"Ok, see you."
He put the phone down then caught my gaze.
"Hey, babygirl, how you feeling?"
Justin moved closer to me with concern and hurt written all over his face.
"I don't know."
My voice was gravelly and quiet.
"What do you mean, bae?"
His dark eyebrows furrowed.
"I feel better than last time."
I stated softly. I feel terrible but not on the outside. There's a mess in my mind. Poor Justin had to deal with my bullshit. It makes me want to die.
"That's good, right?"
He seemed a little frustrated but had sadness in his eyes. I nodded carefully. Justin stared into my eyes.
"Damn"
He sighed and narrowed his eyes.
"What?"
It hurt to see him like this.
"I wish I could read your mind sometimes. It would really help me out."
He continued to stare at the floor.
"Do you think I'm lying?"
I mumbled, trying to clear my voice, but it hurts my throat.
"No, I just want to understand what you feel."
He looked back at me.
"Honestly, I feel bad for putting you through this. I feel the way you felt when I got shot."
I tried to describe my feelings.
"I feel bad too."
Justin licked his lips. I was about to ask why when the door opened.
"Surprise!"
Brie smiled, the others following behind.
"We've got presents!"
Ryan beamed.
"Look, we've got all your favorite things."
They set small boxes of strawberry cake, chocolate, brownies, cookies, and donuts on the small table beside my bed.
"Aw, thanks, you guys."
I smiled gratefully when I was really feeling sick just looking at it. All the calories make me feel so small and weak.
"How are you doing?"
Kayla asked with concern.
"Good"
I fake smiled, knowing Justin's eyes were on me, studying every detail.
"I'm sure you want to see Drew."
Stacy gave Drew to me.
"Yes, thank you."
I held Drew close to me and smiled at him. I wanted to cry, because I feel so bad for trying to leave him. I'm sorry to say this, but Justin could never raise Drew alone.
"Christie, you should give Za a very special thank you."
Justin smiled at me.
"Why?"
I looked at Za quizzically.
"I gave you blood for surgery."
Za smiled shyly.
"You did? Oh, thank you so much, Za."
I smiled thankfully at him.
"It was worth it."
He smiled back.
"That's a true friend right there"
Khalil nudged Za.
"Aw, thanks, bro."
Za nudged back.
"So Khalil and Kayla, how are things?"
Ryan changed the conversation.
"We saw a doctor today. The baby should be ready in about 8-9 months."
Kayla smiled gratefully. Speaking of being pregnant, I remembered that Jason didn't use a condom, THREE TIMES. What am I going to do?! What if I get pregnant again?! My stomach feels queasy, but I don't know if that's because of the surgery. I hope I'm not pregnant with his baby. It's impossible. I haven't had a period since...forever. I have an eating disorder. That'll be a-
"Christie, are you ok?"
Everyone's eyes were on me.
"Yea, just thinking."
I insecurely wrapped an arm around myself.
"About what?"
Ryan asked.
"About Justin, of course."
Za winked at me, making my cheeks warm up.
"Is that true, babe?"
Justin smirked.
"Maybe"
I smiled bashfully and he chuckled. I stopped smiling, because my stomach was starting to flip.
"No, but for real, what's wrong?"
Justin stood up and took Drew from me.
"My stomach...I feel like I'm gonna throw up."
I struggled to sit up with the help of Stacy.
"Here, use this."
Justin handed me a plastic bag used for throwing up. My stomach churned then I gagged. Nothing came out, because I haven't eaten anything for days. It made my throat and stomach hurt. I continued to gag until something came out. It was blood. Oh, not this again.
"Fuck, get a nurse."
Justin pulled my hair back as I tried to stop.
"Give her some space guys."
Justin ordered as a nurse entered the room.
"Here, take this."
The nurse gave me a small cup of medicine. I took it, then I was told to breathe and sit up.
"The medicine should kick in very soon, about 5 minutes."
The nurse said. Justin held my hand as I laid back, trying not to throw up again. My throat stung and burned when I breathed. Plus, holding in cries weren't helping my throat either. I wanted to cry, but I held it all back. Once I felt the medicine start to work, I calmed my breathing and my eyes watered.
"Christie, are you ok, baby?"
Justin looked worried and sympathetic. I nodded then started to cry. Justin gently pulled me into a one-armed hug. He wasn't putting any weight on me, but it was still like a hug. Kayla, Stacy, Brie, Khalil, Ryan, and Za all left to give us some privacy. I think Stacy had Drew again.
"Justin, I need to tell you something."
I choked out painfully.
"What is it, baby?"
He asked quietly. I think he wanted to cry too.
"He didn't use a condom."
I cried harder, then Justin tensed up.
"What?"
He broke the hug to look at me, his eyes wide.
"He never used a condom."
My throat felt like I was swallowing broken glass.
"...Fuck...do you think...?"
His eyes narrowed, and his voice grew angry yet concerned.
"No...I haven't, uhm, had my..."
I mumbled shyly, then he nodded in understanding. We both knew I was talking about my period.
"I guess you're right."
Justin was in deep thought.
"...He didn't use one, 3 times"
I hated myself for even saying that, because it wasn't making Justin any better. I didn't know what to say to make things better.
"Christie, this can't happen. You will not go through this again."
Justin held my hands securely. I nodded and dried my eyes. Justin sat beside me, careful not to hurt me.
"Guess what, baby?"
He put his arm around me and held me close, changing the subject.
"What?"
I mumbled against his shirt.
"I love you."
His words made me smile.
"I love you too."
That will never get old. Ever.
"You're beautiful."
He kissed my cheek.
"Thanks"
I still can't believe it, but I'll try harder to.
"I'm gonna tell the others to come back."
Justin got up and opened the door.
"Khalil said they'll be right back. They went to get lunch."
Justin sat back beside me.
"Ok"
I rested my head on his chest as he put his arm around me.
"Is your stomach feeling better?"
He asked with his voice full of concern.
"Yea"
I nodded and kept my head on him.
"I need you to do me a favor."
Justin murmured in my hair.
"What is it?"
My body was too sore to lift my head up.
"Eat this."
He handed me half a sugar cookie. My mouth got dry with nervousness.
"Christie, please. I'm so tired of this. No more, please, baby. Please."
Justin's voice cracked, making me grab the cookie from his hands. I nibbled the cookie until I finished it all. I hated the feeling in my stomach. I wanted to throw it up.
"Sorry for acting like that."
Justin broke the silence.
"It's ok."
I was tearing up.
"No, Christie. Why are you crying?"
He dried my eyes before any tears escaped.
"I don't feel good."
I forced myself to stop crying.
"Christie, you're ok. It's not gonna kill you to eat"
He softly kissed my temple. I nodded and put my hand in his.
"Why do you feel bad, Justin?"
Finally, I could ask him.

(A/N: Sorry for the cliffhanger 😁😁😁 Next post on Wednesday💜)

🍡 Vote 🍡