If I Die... (Final Ending to Deadly in Love)

Chapter 34

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Chapter song: Hold On by Angus and Julia Stone
(Christie's pov)
-8pm-
Is it bad to hate myself because I'm pregnant? If so, then I can't help it. Justin hasn't spoke a word ever since he made me eat a small portion of the strawberry cake. He fed Drew for me and put him to sleep. A few nurses came in to give me medicine and check up on me. Justin was too quiet and obviously feeling down. I know he's worried about me, but I already feel guilty enough. I don't wanna make it worse by killing an innocent baby.
"Let's get some sleep. It's almost 10pm."
Justin sounded hurt and sad. He didn't sit next to me. He actually sat away from me with his head in his hands. I narrowed my eyes and held Drew close. I kissed his head as he slept against my chest.
"godammit"
Justin whispered, like it hurt him. I wanted to change my mind, but it's not that easy. I wish it was.
-3am-
I woke up to a bad headache. Drew was softly snoring in my arms, and Justin was...crying. Oh, no.
"Justin"
I whispered and reached my hand to him.
"Hm? Is something wrong, baby?"
He dried his eyes and took my hand.
"Yea...why are you crying?"
I pulled him closer to me and stroked his messy hair.
"It's nothing-"
"Justin, tell me."
I tried to talk quietly, because Drew was asleep.
"I don't want you to leave me. You don't know what I've been through to keep you alive. Christie, you're not gonna make it. Why won't you believe me?"
Justin cried in my hands, and it hurt so badly.
"Justin, don't cry."
I hugged him, being careful with Drew.
"I love you so much, Christie."
He sniffled in my neck.
"I love you too, Justin."
I cried against his skin.
"Christie...I can't tell you what to do. It's your choice...just promise me you'll be ok."
He cupped my face in his hands.
"Ok, I promise."
I nodded and wiped his eyes. He joined me in the hospital bed and held Drew for me. He kissed me comfortingly then handed Drew back to me.
"I'm cold, Justin."
I wanted him to wrap his arms around me. That's exactly what he did. I closed my eyes and rested my head on his chest.
-8am-
"Christie, baby..."
Justin's voice woke me up.
"...You need to take your medicine, babe."
Justin helped me sit up, and I took my medicine, scrunching my nose in disgust.
"You feel ok, babygirl?"
He asked after the nurse left. Drew started crying and whimpering in my arms. I nodded before turning my attention to Drew.
"Aw, don't cry, baby. It's ok..."
I held him close to my heart and rocked him.
"...Justin, can you sing to him?"
I asked as Drew started to cry louder. Justin took him in his arms and cleared his throat.
"Eye for an eye. Remember when I told you wipe your pretty eyes, dry em on my shoulder. You ain't gotta try, try to get closer. Fifty-fifty deal, let's make a deposit. Simulate the love, Try it 'fore you knock it. You ain't gotta rush, but you ain't gotta stop it"
Justin sang softly while squeezing my hand as well. Drew calmed down enough to not be heard from outside the room. By the way he sang, I knew he meant those words towards me too.
"Here, he wants to be with you."
Justin handed Drew back to me.
"You're so cute, baby. Aw, I love you so much."
I smiled and held his small hand.
"You're gonna be just like your daddy."
I admired Drew's similar features to Justin.
"Daddy, huh?"
Justin smirked, and I knew what he meant.
"Oh, quit it, Justin."
I nudged him and smiled.
"Drew is the best thing that's ever happened to me, to us."
I admired every cute, little detail on Drew.
"Well, he wouldn't be here if it weren't for you, bae."
Justin kissed my cheek.
"Justin, can you change him for me?"
I noticed that Drew's diaper had to be changed.
"Yea"
Justin took Drew and got off the bed. He went into the bathroom and changed Drew.
"This is one reason why I need you back, Christie. godammit, this is torture."
Justin handed Drew back, his hand over his nose.
"Sorry"
I giggled and took Drew back in my arms.
"Don't mention it, babe."
He smiled then sat beside me. My stomach was starting to ache again, so I pulled Drew closer and closed my eyes with my eyebrows furrowed.
"You ok, baby? What's wrong?"
Justin stroked my cheek.
"My stomach hurts."
I gave Drew to him before I squeezed the poor thing to death.
"I'll go get someone."
Justin hopped off the bed again and dodged out the door with Drew. My stomach felt like something was twisting it, and I felt tears building in my eyes.
"Her stomach hurts. She's, uhm...pregnant."
Justin's voice had aggravation and distress in it. I felt a needle in my arm then held my breath until it was pulled back out.
"She should feel better in a moment."
The nurse said before leaving the room. Justin was sitting down, looking frustrated and upset.
"I know you're mad, Justin."
I whimpered from the pain in my stomach.
"I'm not mad, Christie...It's just hard to handle."
He caressed Drew's back and sighed.
"Can we do another test?"
I whimpered, still keeping a little hope in myself.
"Yea"
He nodded then went to get the nurse again.
"We'll do a retake."
The nurse walked in again with Justin. She stuck another needle in me, drawing blood. Justin flinched from the corner of my eye. I know he hates needles.
"Ok, I'll be right back."
The nurse left the room.
"Just face it, Christie. You're pregnant."
Justin put his head in his hands.
"I know...I just hate it."
I mumbled and took Drew from Justin.
"Then don't have the baby."
He muttered, like he was tired of repeating it.
"You know I can't-"
"Yes, you can, Christie. Stop thinking about something that's not even yours. It's his, not ours."
Justin argued.
"Fine...but don't blame me when I'm commit suicide in a few weeks."
I muttered the last part under my breath.
"Godammit, Christie! Don't-"
"Excuse me. Is everything alright in here?"
The nurse walked back in, looking concerned for me.
"It's fine."
I glared at Justin and mumbled.
"Ok. Your test says that you are pregnant. You were already aware of that, right?"
She asked me, and I nodded.
"Good, and when was your period?"
Her question made me grow nervous all over.
"I'm not sure."
This isn't a good topic to discuss when I'm upset with Justin, and he's sitting right beside me.
"What do you mean?"
The nurse asked me.
"She starves herself. That's what it means."
Justin sounded irritated, and I wanted to hit him. He didn't have to announce that I had an eating disorder.
"Oh...How is it possible for her to-"
"I don't know."
Justin wasn't even letting me answer the questions.
"I'll be right back. I need to figure this out."
The nurse seemed confused and worried at the same time. She left the room, and I waited for the door to click shut.
"Give me Drew then get the hell out of here."
I ordered in aggravation.
"No"
He glared right back at me.
"Give him to me."
I was about to explode.
"No"
He repeated irritably.
"You're an asshole."
I muttered bitterly.
"I wouldn't be talking, bitch. You can't even keep your legs closed."
His words made my heart drown in hurtfulness.
"Get the hell out of here."
I didn't care if he took Drew or not anymore.
"Go fuck yourself."
He shoved Drew at me then stormed out the door. That's when I let it all out. The tears poured down, and I couldn't calm down. How could Justin say that? We both know that I couldn't do anything to stop it, yet he makes a comment about me being raped? Like it's my fault. Well, maybe it is, but I don't care. I wish there was a knife in here, but unfortunately there isn't.

(A/N: Justin makes me sooo happy 😊 Next post is on Wednesday)

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