If I Die... (Final Ending to Deadly in Love)

Chapter 14

Video is a high pitched^^^
Chapter song: Lightweight by Demi Lovato
(Justin's pov)
-11am-
I can't believe Christie was gonna cut herself again. Why? Why does she feel this way? Ugh, I don't think Drew would want this. I've already killed someone, and Christie's going crazy with herself. This is all Jason's fault. He should've never entered my life. Ever. There's a special place in hell for people like him, but I guess I belong there with him. I got up and fed Drew. Bananas and applesauce is all we have for him. I wish he could have more, but I don't wanna take the risk and go outside. If I die, Christie and Drew will be left unprotected. I can't have that. My phone buzzed, and I looked at it to see a text from an unknown number.
"You guys were dirty last night;)"
The text also came with a video. I clicked play to see Christie and me last night...having sex. Someone recorded us through the fucking window!
"Shit!"
I slammed my phone on the table.
"Mm-Justin, what is it?"
Christie sat up in bed, rubbing her eyes.
"Nothing"
I shook my head in frustration. How are they able to do this?
"C'mon, Justin, stop lying to me. What is it?"
Christie stood up and walked over to me. I continued to shake my head. She took my phone and scanned through it. It took a second before she dropped my phone again and covered her mouth.
"Chri-"
"How?"
Her voice was cracking.
"I don't know"
I sighed in anger. I was upset, frustrated. I wanted to find this motherfucker and murder his fucking ass. Christie was still and speechless. There was a knock at the door, and I looked though the peephole. It was Stephanie. What the fuck is this bitch doing here? I made sure the door was locked for sure then sighed again, my anger rising by the second.
"Who is it?"
Christie finally spoke again.
"A fucking bitch"
I muttered then sat on the bed. Christie looked through the peephole herself then sighed.
"Why is she here?"
Christie sounded annoyed.
"I don't know, Christie. I swear"
I spoke honestly. She better believe me.
"What is this? The 3rd time? Justin, why does she keep showing up wherever we're at?"
Christie glared at me.
"Listen to me, I have no clue. How many times do I have to tell you?"
I stood up and tried to reason with her.
"She's here for a reason. Are you telling her to? What's happening between you and her?"
Christie's voice continued to crack.
"Nothing. I have no idea why she's here, Christie. I'm not cheating on you. You're my wife. We have a baby. I'm not stupid. What do I have to do to make you believe me?!"
I raised my voice. This is bullshit. Why does she keep thinking that I'm cheating on her?
"...Leave me alone"
She rushed to the bathroom. I sat back down and sighed This time, it was a more frustrated sigh.. What the fuck is going on? Why is she thinking this?...Well, I guess I can see why she would think that. It does seem suspicious on why Stephanie keeps trying to get to me. Plus, Christie's the kinda girl to believe things easily. If something makes sense to her, she'll believe it. That's probably one of the reasons why she went through depression. That's why I gotta be careful what I say to her, because she might take it the wrong way or personal. Drew started crying, so I got up and picked him up.
"it's ok, Drew. Sorry you have to see all this"
I whispered and rocked him gently. His crying faded, and Drew fell asleep. I kept him in my arms for a while longer then laid him in his crib to sleep. Stephanie was gone by now. I guess she gave up. Good. I need to talk to Jason. I'm sick of his bullshit. He's already pressed all my buttons. I picked up my phone and pressed call.
"Wassup, brother?"
Jason greeted amusingly.
"Why are you doing this? Do you even know what you're fucking doing?"
I spat angrily.
"Oh, I know very well what I'm doing, Justin. This is just the beginning, and now that you've killed one of my gang members, be aware that I'm gonna kill you 2x worse than I was"
Jason hissed venomously.
"I guess that goes to show that I'm not afraid to kill anyone, and I'm definitely not afraid to kill you"
I argued frustratedly.
"This isn't about fear, Justin. This is about me getting revenge on you and everyone you care about. You're probably very upset right now, but...there is a way out of this..."
Jason spoke evilly. I remained silent, waiting for his stupid answer.
"...Have you ever considered drugs? Think about it. Remember how soothing and relaxing you get when you're stressed out? Think about that exciting rush you get. Try it. Christie won't find out. I mean, you're very good at hiding it. Just once, to get rid of the anger...open your door and look down. One time won't hurt, will it?"
It was quiet after that, signaling he hung up. I was left to contemplate his words. I opened the door and looked down to see a package. I picked it up suspiciously and slowly opened it. It was just...drugs. I don't know which kind though. I hid it in the closet underneath a pile of clothes. Maybe...maybe one time won't hurt. I'll do it once, just to lighten the stress a bit, then I'll stop. I heard a sniffle then turned around to see Christie standing by the couch.
"Christie..."
I stepped close to her and hugged her. She was quiet yet crying softly in my shirt.
"...I know it looks bad...but I swear that she's nothing to me. You gotta believe me, Christie"
I broke the hug to look in her teary eyes. She nodded, then I thought of something. I took her hand and raised up her sleeves, just scars. I took her other hand and did the same thing, just scars. I lifted up her shirt, just scars. I looked in her sad eyes.
"I'm sor-"
"It's ok"
A tear slipped down her cheek. I wiped it away and hugged her.
"You're not gonna eat, are you?"
I muttered sadly. She narrowed her eyes. That's all she had to do to tell me that she wasn't.
"I'm so scared, Justin"
She hugged me tightly.
"I know, baby...I know"
That's what Jason's trying to do. He wants us to be scared of him, and it's working. I'm not scared though. I'm just pissed, really really pissed. I trailed my fingers down her arm to hold her hand, but something happened. She winced. I paused...Why did she just wince? I looked in her eyes to see guilt. Fuck, this can't be good. I raised her sleeve again to find nothing. I looked closer and dragged my thumb gently across her skin. She winced again, and I saw makeup up on my thumb. I sighed and pulled her to the sink. I washed the makeup off her arm to see a burn on her arm. You've got to be kidding me.
"What the hell is this?"
I scolded her.
"You said not to cut myself"
She muttered sarcastically. I marched in the bathroom and searched it. I found a lighter.
"Christie, I will not let you do this"
I stood in front of her.
"You can't stop me. It's what I want to do-"
"Why?!"
I snapped.
"Cos it's the way I feel! I'm sorry, but I can't see myself as good enough!"
She argued back.
"Who are you trying to impress?!"
I shouted, cornering her into the wall.
"Myself!...you"
Her voice lowered. My anger cooled down to become hurt.
"Christie...you're always gonna be good enough for m-"
"You always say that. Is that really true, Justin?"
She was crying again.
"Yes! Yes, it's true, Christie. I've always loved every piece of you..."
I held her waist.
"...Don't do this. Please don't give up on me...Now, I'm gonna take this, and I better not see ANY type of harm to yourself, ok?"
I slipped the lighter in my pocket. I made sure I was detailed this time. She remained still.
"Ok?"
I cupped her face in my hands. Another tear fell from her eye. I sighed and hugged her tight.
"Sit down"
I led her to the couch bed.
"Tell me what I did, Christie. Why do you feel this way?"
I was gonna call up the guys and talk about Jason, but I changed my mind. Christie's more important.
"...I-I felt uncomfortable with myself a couple months after I had Drew, but I didn't make a big deal about it...As time went by, I guess it got worse...and when your ex showed up, I felt like you set it up or something...the way you looked at her made me hate myself even more..."
Christie sniffled as her voice broke. So this is my fault. Christie caught me checking Stephanie out by accident. I couldn't help it. I've always been attracted to girls.
"...I believed you when you explained why she was here. When I saw her kissing you, it seemed real. I thought you were cheating on me. I felt stupid after you told me what really happened. Now, I don't feel like I'm good enough for you. She keeps showing up, and it's like you called her up or something"
She was crying softly.
"...Christie...thats not true. You know me, and you know I love you. You're always gonna be perfect to me. I don't know how to make you believe that. Please don't go through this again. I love you so much, Christie. I love you"
I couldn't stop myself from tearing up.
"I'll try"
She mumbled.
"C'mon, Christie...please"
I squeezed her hands.
"I'll try, Justin. But it's not that easy. It's like a war inside my head. Justin, I can't help it"
She sobbed, and I held her tight.
"You're gonna make it, baby. I'll be right here. I'll help you through this"
I murmured against her hair. She continued to cry in my shirt as I held her.
"You'll be ok, babygirl"
I kissed her temple. She stayed still and calmed down.
"Listen, baby, I gotta go get some more food for us. I want you to go to bed, ok?"
I dried her eyes and broke the embrace.
"How long will you be gone?"
She mumbled in her sleeve.
"I'll be as quick as I can"
I stood up and made sure all the windows were locked and covered.
"Ok"
She carried Drew to the kitchen.
"If you hear anything, see anything unusual, call me"
I put on a shirt and my hoodie.
"I will"
She nodded.
"Ok, I love you"
I snuck the package in my pocket and threw the hood over my head.
"I love you too"
She fed Drew as I walked out. I locked the door and sighed. Ok, just one time. That's all.