The devils gift

11

The rain was howling against your bedroom window as the wind screamed through the cracks of your doors.

It was 2am or something like that, you couldn't fall asleep for the life of you, the storm that had hit the city so suddenly, was preventing you from catching any dreams.

You lie in bed with your fairy lights switched on and your laptop open to try and find something to watch or keep you distracted. But it was no use, you couldn't focus properly, it was like your stuck in a haze.

Today was, well pretty freaking tiring and confusing. You woke up this morning with the heaving feeling in your heart again. It had been a few days since the reminder depression hit you, but today you just couldn't ignore it, it was too over powering.

The worst thing is, you don't even know what brought it on, nothing dramatic has happened or nobody has been off with you. It's just a foggy spell that is constantly hanging over your head. Some days it's ignorable and other days it's not.

The sadness sometimes is powerful, like how grief can be, mourning for a person that is yourself. You miss the old you; the you that was naive, young, didn't have to worry about anything apart from what colour wellies you would wear, the you that was so lost in the moment that she didn't see what was happening around her. You miss the old you.

The person you are now is grown up; has to worry about the bills being paid, going to work every day to support yourself, not having much time to stop and think, not having much of a social life, or doing things spontaneously, you overthink too much, you constantly daydream of going somewhere that's made up in your head to escape the reality of the world, you want to do things but having such little or no time to even think about achieving those goals. You're just boring and tired of facing hardships.

And it's sad, because when you were little you wished to grow up quicker, to become an adult because it looked so appealing. But now you're here and you wish nothing more than to go back when you were young. Being an adult sucks, you see the world for what it is and not through clouded vision like how you saw it as as a kid. The worlds a fucked up place filled with fucked up people, and there's nothing that you or anyone can do about it.

Tears stream down your face as the thoughts and feelings wash over you like a tidal wave.

"I hate it here." You whisper as the lump in your throat starts to burst.

"I don't want to feel like this anymore, I want to be happy." Your voice cracks as you violently sob alone in your dim lit room.

And you stay there for what seems like hours, crying and overthinking the mess that is you.

"Sweetheart I'm here." Taehyung says as he runs through your bedroom door, rushing beside you to hold you in his arms.

You don't say anything, you can't say anything, you just grab onto him and nuzzle your face in the crook of his neck.

"Let it all out, you're not alone. I'm sorry I took so long." He whispers, rubbing his hand on your back soothingly.

"T-tae I'm s-so sad, I-I can't control it." You sob.

"I know you are sweetheart, but I'm going to do my best to help you okay? Come on, let's lie down, it's late." He places you onto his lap and he picks you up once he's got a good grip onto you. With his spare hand he swiftly pulls back your bed sheets.

He toes off his shoes before placing you into bed.

"Is it okay if I lie down with you?" He smiles softly, asking for permission.

"O-of course." You scoot over and open your arms.

Without a doubt, he climbs in and pulls you into him making sure to give you the biggest and bestest cuddle he could possibly give. He pulls the covers over the both of you as he starts the soothing back rub again.

"I-I'm sorry you have to deal with this. B-but I'm thankful that you're here." You sob into his chest.

You don't even care if you look a mess, Taehyung has probably seen you worse. All you care about right now is that he's here.

"You're more than welcome, I'm always here for you y/n. You're not alone and whatever your facing, I'll be here to listen and provide all the hugs that you need." Taehyung whispers, smoothing your hair with his finger tips.

"Thank you, I cannot tell how grateful I am for you." You sob into his shirt.

"I'm grateful for you too." He hugs you tighter.

"Tae?" You croak.

"Yes sweetheart?" He hums.

"Tell me something. Something about you or anything." You take a deep breath, starting to come down from your mental breakdown.

"Let's see....okay I got something. I'm afraid of the dark. Something about it freaks me out, you don't know what could be lurking in the darkness. I was afraid of it since I was little and never really grew out of it. I sleep with a night light on every night to feel somewhat safe and less alone." He chuckles softly.

"If you're scared of the dark, I'm always here if you need me, I don't mind the darkness so I will protect you." You smile sadly.

"Thank you y/n that's very sweet of you. Tell me something about you." He smiles back.

"I have a phobia of death. The uncertainty and lack of knowledge about what comes after we die terrifies me. The thought of being alone and not being able to see anyone or anything again makes me panic. Yet it fascinates me. I could sit and read all about murderes and gruesome things all about death for hours. Yet when night falls comes and I'm ready to fall asleep, my brain switches on and I think about endless things and situations. My brain is a fucked up place to be." You sigh tiredly.

"Wanna know something?" He whispers, turning to look down at you in his arms.

"Yes." You nod.

"When you die, you enter a paradise. A world that is filled with your dreams and desires, everything you've ever wanted will be there for you to have and the best part is, you get to see everyone you've ever loved again. It's a beautiful place, I've seen it." Taehyung nods, brushing your cheeks with his thumb.

"Really?" You smile softly.

"Yes." He nods.

"Will you be there?" Your smile drops faintly.

"You can have whoever you want there. Would you like me to be there?" He grins.

"Of course I would, I don't think I could ever not see you again, I want to be with you forever." You smile softly.

"Then I'll be there sweetheart." He smiles.