𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚙𝚒𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚜𝚝| 𝙹𝚎𝚘𝚗𝚐𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚗

..[47]..

Jeongin walked into the church.

Somehow, it felt like it had been ages since he stepped foot inside of it. He'd stopped going to Sunday church and youth group and only really going to piano lessons every so often.

He was the only person there and his footsteps echoed as he walked down the isle.

Jeongin walked closer to the alter and felt a wave wash over him that felt like guilt, sadness and pain in one. The guilt wasn't about sinning it was that he was making the decision not to talk to Chan at the moment. It made him feel so sad and hurt.

Slowly, he sat down on the bench on the very front feeling the old wood creak a bit under his weight.

"I'm sorry," He whispered while looking up at a statue of God the loomed above the church.

"I-i feel so conflicted.. What am I supposed to do?"

"Am I just supposed to forgive Chan? Do I just pretend like everything is okay?"

The boy groaned out in frustration as he leaned back in the seat feeling like he should cry but he couldn't.

"I love him... Even still. So what should I do? How am I supposed to feel?"

After a few moments of looking up at the statue he got up and went on the stage and to the piano. He sat down and looked at all of the black and white keys beneath his fingers.

"You should play something on there"

"You really want to hear me?"

"Of course I do... You're amazing at it..."

Amazing at it...

Jeongin smiled softly at that memory. The night he played "just give me a reason" By pink. He found it funny how well the song fit with his situation. The thing was, he didn't know if they truly were just bent and not broken.

He slowly played out the introduction of the song and smiled remembering how Chan kissed him while he was playing it.

Even if jeongin had said he needed a break from everyone, he didn't truly want it. He did want to be alone but he didn't want to know how it felt to be alone. He wanted to hug Chan and jisung and Minho and let them all feel the way he was thankful for them. It was just when he was with them, he felt angry and upset.

His fingers fell from the keys and he sighed.

He wanted Chan.

That was all he wanted was the kisses and the cuddles. The love and the passion. Everything.

His hands seemed to have a mind of their own as they reached into his pocket for his phone.

Jeongin went to chans contact as he looked at the last message Chan had ever sent him.

Channie<3:

I love you baby (˘³˘)♥

His mind began to run circles around the fact that Chan had messaged him that first. He wondered if it those words were said because of a stack of cash or if they were said because they were a true feeling from the olders heart.

Jeongin kept scrolling through the hundreds of messages they'd sent to each other. Reading over them as if it would change the way that things were.

His phone buzzed in his hand about five minutes later with a text from jisung.

Sungie<3:

Hey, innie. I know you don't want
to talk to any of us but hyunjin is
coming over tonight to talk to
everyone about the seungmin
situation. He's going to be
bringing some officers who want
your story and what happened.
You have to be there because they
need to know what he did to you
and they need pictures of your
injuries. They'll be here around 5.
Please come innie.

Police officers?

He wondered if they'd tell his parents or not...

They probably would since he is a minor.

He couldn't avoid it forever. It had to be addressed eventually. How could he face everyone after his out burst? He had so many questions that probably would never truly be answered.

He began to think about everything from the previous night and how it had affected him. How much it absolutely fucking broke him everytime he thought about it. Would it even change anything if he tried to talk to chan or jisung about it?

This was the most painful part. He wanted to be alone but at the same time he didn't, feeling so conflicted with his inner self.

He decided to walk home and freshen up and change into some street clothes.

The walk was cool, the wind whipping his hair out of place and pressing his shirt to his abdomen as it blew.

It seemed like literal ages until he made it to his house, glad to see his parents gone. The house was quiet upon entering and he trudged his way through the living room and up the stairs. He went into his room and immediately began looking for some more comfortable clothes to wear. He decided on a pair of loose fitting jeans and a grey graphic tee. He stood there in his jeans and nothing more as he was about to put on the shirt. Upon pulling it out another fell on his floor.

A black one.

Chans black one.

He held it up in front of his face and felt something inside of him physically tear worse than the night before.

That's when all hell broke loose and jeongin finally broke down hard.

He began crying so hard that his face turned red and his sobs came out as screams. Clutching the shirt to his chest he threw himself backwards and kicked his legs on the floor again and again until they began to hurt.

He threw the shirt angrily across his room and screamed after it, watching as it knocked over all of his bottles on his night stand.

"I fucking hate you chan! I hate you so much!" He ripped through his dresser, throwing clothes everywhere around his room to find every single remnant of chan in his room.

He separated them from his own clothes and when he was done, he lay with them sobbing still, letting every single tear slip down his cheek now that he was alone.

All of his undeniable hatred for a certain blonde came pouring past his lips in 'I fucking hate yous' and 'how could yous' and body rocking sobs.

He bury his face in the clothes, smelling the same scent of home wash through his body.

It filled him with both anger and regret.