Remember When ↠ l.p.

Pushing through

We're still in the living room, nothing much changed as a hint of light begins to tinge the night sky. We've all cried a little, Liam the most. He managed to tell Niall and Zayn what happened, with more detail than I had when they first arrived. However the majority of the time he's been content to sit in silence. Niall still sits curled up with him on the couch and Zayn is sitting at their feet. My eyes are drooping and I can't stop yawning. None of us have moved to check for any news. I got up to do it, once, and Liam just shook his head. "I've got Paddy watching things. He'll call if there is any news. He made me stop refreshing the page because I was..." he broke off but we all knew. He must have been a frantic mess, much like when he arrived here. So we've sat here with him, just being here and being present. Waiting for news that thus far, hasn't come. 

I've turned the events over and over in my head while we've sat here. Trying to let things sink in, that Sophia could be...gone. It makes no logical sense, but then accidents never do, do they? Sophia had everything going for her, a nice job, a wonderful family, and really anything anyone could ever hope for. Yet so quickly she could have been snatched away from us. It's cruel how this world works. I prayed a little, during the silence while no one was really looking at one another. I think we were all doing some sort of praying or worrying or just thinking. It's a terrible thing to try to come to terms with believing. That someone you saw hours or days ago is very likely departed from this world. Which causes me feel bitter at the world.  

Death for the old, I think, is a relief. They've lived their life and can now rest on the other side. But for a young person, they live behind most of their family, possibly their children...it's all so unexpected. With an elderly person, you begin to brace yourself for it, but things like this you can't be ready for. You can't know that the last time you see them will be the last. You don't get to say your goodbyes or "I love you"s. You're left with an aching heart and wondering about life and death more than is healthy. 

I used to be a bit jealous of Sophia, who wouldn't be. She had looks, smarts, fame, and Liam Payne. Meeting her has let me grow to love her, she's a good mother. A better woman than I could be, but she doesn't act like it. She's real and she's funny. Or she was... I feel my eyes start to tear up again and reach for another tissue to blot at my eyes with. As if my movement somehow spurs them on, the boys start to shake themselves awake and notice how late (...er early?) it is.

"Liam, you need tah sleep. Haven't you been up all night?" Niall prods Liam's shoulder gently. "Do you want us tah take you home or are you gonna stay here wit Izzy?" I smile a little at hearing him use  my nickname. He must have picked it up from Sophia or Tessie. It feels slightly odd to hear it from him, but only because I've just met him a few hours ago.

"I...I think I'll stay here. Maybe sleep most of the morning?" he looks to me. It would be fine for Liam to stay here, in fact the guest room is quite clean and fresh since mom and dad just left a bit ago. My only concern is whether or not he'll still be this emotional later on. Is he going to be crying around Tessie and scare her? Still...it should be alright. So I nod and yawn again. I motion for him to go on to bed. I'll take the girls to the park this morning so they won't wake him up. A thought strikes me and makes me wrinkle my nose. While Liam goes in and sleeps until lunch, I'll have to be up in at least an hour or two from now when the girls wake up. I shake away the dread and tell myself I'm lucky. I'm not Sophia and I'm not Liam either, the one left behind. 

Liam stands slowly before bending down to hug Niall one last time. Zayn stands up to and they share a long hug. "Thank you two so much for coming. I'll let you know if I need anything..." they nod and Zayn pulls him into another hug and kisses his neck.

"You do that mate. And call us with any news." Zayn says tenderly. Liam nods again and takes a deep breath. He waves and walks down the hall slowly. We watch him go, watch him carefully close the door to the guest room behind him. Zayn turns to me and holds out his hand. I stare at it and then up at him, I could blame it on lack of sleep but I think we all know that's not true. "Let me give you my number, in case you need me. Don't be shy about callin' me either. It's gonna be a tough."

I nod dumbly. Of course, that makes perfect sense. I hand him my phone and nearly jump when Niall comes over for a hug. "Thanks for looking after Liam." he says, pausing to sniffle. "I'd say tah call me as well, but I'm only here for a few days if I can't get me stay extended tah longer."

"Thank you, both of you," I tell them earnestly. "I don't think Liam would be doing this well if you both hadn't come."

"He's our mate, what else would we have done?" Zayn says with a sad smile as he hands me back my phone. "Somehow we've got to push on through all of this shit."

Niall nods in agreement. "If Liam can still be himself through all of this he's the strongest person I've ever known."

Missed yesterday, oops. Leave a comment or like, you make my day and give me feedback so you know you should.

Do you ever just not do schoolwork when you know you should and then slowly your life gets derailed? Becauseeee hello my life right there