Remember When ↠ l.p.

In the waiting room of the office

"Girls, wait her with Colin while I go inside really quickly alright?" I crouch down in front of the girls, making sure to meet both of their eyes to make sure they understood how serious I was. "I don't want you wondering off because you could get lost very easily."

"We'll stay here, stop worrying momma." Cailyn reassures me and pats my arm. I stand up and start walking away, making sure to give them one last pointed look. Ever since deciding that I was going to start, well, trying again I've been pondering how I should go about it. There's always working with Liam's family again, I thought. To be honest though, all the overseas communication can be hard. So instead I decided I would go ahead and jump into this mess by calling Colin and arranging a time for me to come and see Liam at his work. He's not doing the whole presenting thing anymore and whatever break he had been planning to take for Tessie has fallen apart since I gained legal guardianship. Instead he's still been doing lots of commercial things, there are rumors he's working on a book, and he's appeared on a few shows (let's just say that while those appearances didn't go badly, they didn't go well either). So he's been pretty busy.

So whether he's been too busy to hire another bodyguard slash security man, or he's become settled with Colin. Which I wouldn't be surprised about, really. You see, despite how he rather set Liam up by taking him to court for Louis and I, he's very dependable and efficient. Louis deducted it was because he was a really buff lawyer, but I think it's the way he was raised or something. He's got a great work ethnic and he's just one of those people you know you can trust. Which is why I've left the two little people I hold most precious with him. Once I called him and everything fell into place it was inevitable that I'd be sitting here. Waiting for the secretary to buzz me in once Liam is off the video conference he's attending. 

I'm at peace, or at least at peace more than I thought I would be. Am I still a little terrified of seeing Liam again? Yes, I am, very much. Yet...I wouldn't want to be anywhere but right here. Maybe a vacation to some tropical island, but the point is that I'm fully behind this. I want to do this very badly. 

They say that true courage is when you're fighting your fear and when you have a healthy fear of something yet still combat it. That's kind of what I'm feeling right now. And honest to God, I really don't want to be yelled at again. Louis reassured me that Liam is a little better. Colin has been managing to limit his alcohol and substance intake. Apparently it was mostly alcohol that he was taking with the medicine that was causing things to go so wrong. Still, there are still mood swings and Liam not being himself, but compared to how it had been a month or so ago? It's a vast improvement. The doctors Colin has been taking him to (aided by the Paynes and the occasional phone call from Paddy, who Liam refuses to see) have said they still can't figure out what went wrong and what continues to make him act this way. So far they've only prescribed different medicines which have been used gradually and not made much difference. They have speculated that some sort of unknown allergic reaction could have sparked this. His condition was only worsened by the alcohol from that point. I reviewed all this new information when I contacted Colin. I admit, I hardly understand more than the basic concept of what might have happened (all those medical terms are barely pronounceable after all), but I know what he needs at least. 

Lots of love, to come off of the medicines he's on , and then get some sort of help. Mental help, I assume. Perhaps a grief counselor of some sorts. That's the whole reason he's on these medicines that are messing with his personality. Because he was so depressed and full of grief. Which is nothing that I should be trying to help with, I can't even help myself. Depression is nothing to laugh at or belittle. It eats away at you, using your deepest secrets and darkest fears against you. It turns the things you thought were positive about yourself and points out the hidden flaws to be obvious. I hate to think of Liam being trapped in that, not eating and not sleeping. In some ways this personality switch is almost better. It's much more dangerous and volatile, yes...but he's eating when he's reminded and told to. That's something. 

I fiddle with the hem of my shirt. I know the gist of what I want to say to him. I want to let him know I'm here for him. That he needs to get help, to turn this whole thing around. We won't be going back to the way things were, but we can improve what kind of life he's leading right now. Louis told me multiple times of the talks Liam and he had, so I know a little of what to expect back from him. The difference between Louis talking to him and me talking to Liam is that one of us he blames for his wife's death. The only positive to me being here is that maybe I'll be a little more empathetic that Louis was. From what I understood he was trying to cajole Liam into doing what he wanted, along with trying to use the whole tough love approach. I'm hoping something a little more feminine will help, if he even lets me speak to him at all. I glance up at the approaching tap of heeled shoes.

"Mr. Payne will see you now," the secretary smiles at me, I think I detect a little bit of pity. No doubt she knows what he's like these days and thinks he will run all over me. Not today, I think to myself. Today I'm going to stand up to him and while it may not have really worked the last time or two, this time it will. Am I being overly optimistic? Probably, but that's the only way that I'm going to be able to walk into that office without shaking.