Remember When ↠ l.p.

Steps to being better

Despite my reservations about returning to the Payne mansion I manage to get through it without having to see Liam or having a breakdown. Mom stayed with Cailyn at my apartment while I took Tessie over about a half hour before I knew Liam would be home. We played in her room and then I helped her to get ready for bed. Although I've been her room many times before this I still find it laughable that a girl her age and size needs such a giant room. Her closet is a walk-in closet with a mirror and shoe rack. Her bathroom has a bath and a separate shower, and a little enclosed toilet with a door and everything. She has a canopy bed, piles of huge pillows, and toys everywhere. The newest and most girly. Her room is full of pink and sparkles and lots of Disney themed things, from dresses to dolls to toothbrushes. I don't begrudge her for it, nor Liam or Sophia. They just want her to be happy and have everything that she could ever want. But for someone like me...it's shocking how much stuff there is. Yet, I can't picture our Tessie growing up in this room and becoming spoiled. She's too caring for that. Maybe it's just that she's never really wanted for anything but love, since she can have her heart's desires fulfilled easily. But having her parents here and loving her is what she's always treasured most. Attention. Approval. I hope that doesn't change about her. I stay with her, stroking her hair as she's tucked up in bed and breathing softly and evenly. I hear the door close downstairs sometime later, muffled voices talking below. I carefully stand up from Tessie's bed and leave the room, propping the door open behind me. I pause at the top of the stairwell, my hand resting on the banister as I prepare to head downstairs. I take a deep breath and hurry down, Liam and Paddy are standing just inside the living room. We both make eye contact at the same time and I give a slight nod before turning away. I don't want to see his reaction. There's too great a chance it will be a negative one. I open the door and step out onto the front porch, letting the door close softly behind me and letting out a exhale of relief. Once I'm in my car and driving down their driveway I finally let myself relax. I've gotten through this challenge. And in reward I'll be able to finally find out what is going on with Liam. I was surprised to find that it wasn't as hard as I had thought it would be to be in the mansion again. Not that I went back to where he pushed me down and yelled at me, I mostly stayed in Tessie's room. But I'm proud of the fact that it either didn't affect me or that I didn't let it affect me. 

I arrive home and shut the car door happily and practically skip up to my apartment. I turn the key in the lock and open the door to find mom sitting on the couch reading a book while waiting for me. "How did it go?" she asks curiously, setting her book down after marking her place with a bookmark. "Did you have to see him?"

"I did see him, in passing. I left as soon as the got home, I managed to slip out pretty quickly." I sit down next to her and kick my shoes off onto the carpet. "I think it went well. I feel stronger for going, like I've conquered something, you know? I thought that seeing the house might make me feel trapped or little again, but it didn't bother me the way I thought it would."

"That's great darling." She leans over and presses a kiss into my forehead. "I think you did amazing tonight."

"Thanks mom." I lean into her side and grin. "Did Cailyn go to bed alright?"

"Yeah, I think she had gotten pretty tired with all the games you played with them after dinner."

"Well I needed to make sure they would fall asleep easily enough after all the cookies they had at dinner. Plus I needed something to take my mind of the waiting." I grin and remember how I'd chased them around with a blanket over my head pretending to be a bear or monster or slime creature coming to eat them up. The shrieking and giggling gave mom and great excuse to run out to do some quick grocery shopping and when she came back we were all lying on the couch watching a Disney movie calmly. I was lucky that they started getting tired around the time I did. Sometimes it seems like they just have an endless supply of energy to draw from.

"Well it certainly worked, she was asleep within five minutes of me putting her in the bed." I yawn sleepily which is followed by a giggle.

"I think it worked on me too. I'm going to head to bed early for once mom. Shocking huh? I'll see you in the morning." I give her a quick hug and stand up, grabbing my discarded shoes to put away as I get ready for bed.

"Good night 'Belle." 

That night I fall asleep easily and have one of the most rested nights I've had in a long while. Whether it's from peace of mind or simple exhaustion from the day, I don't know. But I was certainly grateful for it.

Finally updated :D I'm back so there will be an update tomorrow too. 

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