Remember When ↠ l.p.

Risk it all

Liam frowns at my last comment. "Just because you aren't sure of something doesn't mean that it isn't worth the risk." It's odd, but now he seems to be more upset than when he found out I had feelings for him. "If you didn't tell me because you weren't sure how I would react or how things would change, how are you ever supposed to know if you don't tell me?" He withdraws his hand and crosses his arms. "If you had told me you would have gotten your answer, you would have known that this could actually work!"

"That's just it!" I sigh and glance over at Harry and Louis, who are watching the conversation in silence. "You can't know that it would work and I was afraid if I told you and, you know, if my feelings were reciprocated that I would get so caught up in you I would forget about the reality of the situation and how complicated it is."

"You don't think we could uncomplicate it?" Again, he looks hurt that I would say something like that. I honestly thought he would be relieved if he heard I had reservations about a relationship between us. I thought it was too soon, since I thought that he was still grieving.

I open and close my mouth, trying to find an answer to give him. But I can't. I'm overwhelmed and my head is spinning at how quickly one thing led to another. I end up shrugging and avoiding his shimmering brown eyes. I hope that he's not about to cry. I didn't think that he was the sort to get emotional during an argument or disagreement. I think I might honestly run from the room if he starts crying.

Not because I would be scared at seeing a man cry, it's just I know that I would start crying and I would be utterly sucked into him. I can't break Liam again and if it seems like my distrust of any romantic future between us starts to do hurt him, I'll cast all my doubts away without a second thought. I have to take care of him.

I won't pretend that the thought that this could all be Liam finding a way to cope with Sophia's death didn't cross my mind. I could be some sort of grieving-over-my-dead-wife-whose-death-may-or-may-not-have-been-your-fault-rebound. If it was something like that, I can't help but feel like he would have brought up Sophia. So for now, I push those worries to the back of my mind.

Louis is flashing his eyes towards Liam, darting them from me to him with a raise of his eyebrows and lips frowning and pouted. "Look Liam," I wince when my voice cracks. "I won't pretend that I don't think it would be amazing if it did work. But I don't want either of us nor the girls to get hurt if it doesn't. I know that there is a risk and sometimes you have to be brave enough to go out on a limb, but this time I can't risk that limb not holding my weight." I take a deep breath and hold his gaze. "That doesn't mean that I'm rejecting you, at all. Anyone would be lucky to have you as a lover." I cringe inwardly, why did I have to say something that sounds so intimate? Why could I go with boyfriend? Even husband would have been better, shit. "But I'm a mom and that means my daughter comes first." I try to sound as convinced as I can be. I'm still not sure what is right, but I'm going to stick to my previous decision...well decisions, because I told myself what I should do and what I was going to do over and over again. And that is, to wait for a relationship. Maybe I'll be ready to take the risk later, but it won't be right now.

I'm so proud that the boys won both of the AMAs that they were nominated for, Artist of the year!!! YES! Not to mention they looked hot af and we got loads of Next To You™

How has everyone been? If anyone is reading this lol...