Remember When ↠ l.p.

Sluggish

I must have fallen asleep sometime after mother left because I'm suddenly jolting from my slumber by my phone ringing loudly. "Hello?" I answer it, a little sleepily. The dim lighting in this room and the humming from some nearby machine must have caused me to drift off.

"Oh I'm sorry, were you sleeping? I didn't mean to wake you..." It's mother calling from, I assume, my apartment. "I just wanted to reassure you that Briana has left and that I'll be with the girls all the time from now on." 

"Thank you!" I exhale in relief. "Did she leave without giving you much trouble?"

"I won't say she didn't leave without giving me a few deathly glares, but she left without making a scene in front of the girls. When I followed her out the door she told me that this wasn't the last time we'd see her. But, I wouldn't be too concerned. I mentioned to the woman who works down in the lobby that we were wary of her, so hopefully they won't buzz her up while we're out or anything."

"Thank you for doing that, I feel much safer now that she's gone and I know you're with Cailyn and Tessie. I don't want anyone that I don't trust around my girls." I smile and picture them. Sometimes I think that they're the only reason I have to keep going. Whatever love I have for my mother and father, it's my love for those two that keeps me waking up each morning with a smile.

"You might want to consider making some friends then, dear. Because you don't have anyone to call for help in this area." She pauses and then hurriedly adds, "No offense though!" 

"I know what you mean and your right. I just feel...I don't know. I'm tired of everything and anything right now. I just want to take a break from life." I rub my face tiredly, forgetting about the bandage wrapped around my head and messing it up a little. "Life is tiring."

"I know, believe me I know. However you have to believe me when I say that I think you're doing so well despite all of these trials you're going through. I went through my own trials, they were different then what you're experiencing but it was terrifying all the same. You do make it through and you learn from them. Grow from what you've learned." She gets quiet for a minute and I'm content to let her think. "I think that's life. Encountering things that bring you happiness and sometimes having them taken away from you, but in the end those hard times only help you to appreciate what you love and value even more."

"It's hard to imagine that anything good could come from what I've been going through. My friend lost his wife, his daughter lost both her parents as a result, and now I'm in the hospital." My voice is shaky and I know that the reality of I WAS IN A CAR ACCIDENT is starting to sink in.

"But think, really think, you can already name a few things that have been produced by the terrible things that you just named. Tessie found a new mother in you and a sister in Cailyn. I don't mean any disrespect to Liam's first wife but you have easily taken over the role of mothering Tessie."

"Mother!" To say I'm shocked wouldn't be exactly right, she can be pretty outrageous, but to say something like that outright? Well, I certainly had not expected it. "Whether I'm fulfilling a mother sort of role or not in her life, I don't consider myself Sophia's replacement!!"

"I was only saying, don't let it bother you." Is all that she responds with. 

I take a deep breath and shake it off. "I know you might not mean it but it does feel wrong to me. It feels wrong to say that when Liam is lying in a bed from a suicide attempt because he's in so much depression." My voice sounds harsh even to myself as I finish speaking. 

"I didn't realize that it would bother you so much." She sighs. "I think it would be best if I let you go and get some rest now, don't you?" She barely gives my time to open my mouth before I hear the click of her hanging up. The dial tone echoes in my ear as I slowly lower the phone. 

I shouldn't have let myself come of so strong, I know that. I have been pushed and pushed these last few days though. Surely I was bound to snap any day now. I sit there propped up slightly in my bed, just thinking. I puzzle over Liam and even let myself imagine and dream of what might happen if he wakes up and if he returns to being his normal self. I let myself imagine what life would be like, how magical it would be. Then my sensible side has to step in and contribute a heart dose of reality. It's impossible that things would work out, right?

So proud of Louis, all he did hosting the Believe In Magic Ball tonight. It's amazing and beautiful what he's given those little children. ;-; He's one of the best people I know