Peace of the Heart (Cacher Series #1)

Kabanata 28

Kabanata 28

Years

(TW: Self-harming)

The moment I met peace... I was silenced.

"Ayos lang ba kayo rito, Wancho?" Tanong ni Auntie Cristina kay Kuya. "I can provide if you still need anything."

Ilang buwan na kaming nandito sa aming maliit na bahay sa London. Kapag nagkataon ay bumibisita naman ang aming mga relatives. Ayos lang naman kung hindi na. Asaphine provided our needs and this house, he even enrolled me. I cultivated my interest in school again... for once... for myself... pero wala talaga. Kahit ano'ng gawin ko, bumabalik pa rin ang alaala sa aking utak. Hindi na mabubura pa sa aking puso. I am the despondent lady who knows nothing but to cry.

"We're okay here, Tita..." Kuya Wancho faked smile.

How could he fake a smile after everything? I can't even sit my face right. I can't pretend. I'm so done of pretending.

"Hmm. Martiza is going to start attending school after summer. And you Wancho... I know that Darrel has spread faux informations to put you in danger. Don't worry, you can still visit the Philippines," Tita informed him.

Kuya's forehead creased.

"How po?"

Tita smiled sophisticatedly.

"I have my connections. Just inform me whenever you want to visit. I'll provide everything," she then looked at me. "Ikaw, Martiza? Do you want to come with your brother?"

I shook my head fastly.

I don't want to pull myself on hell again.

"She can't still speak, Wancho?" She asked Kuya Wancho worriedly.

Umiling si Kuya.

"This is insane! I'll make an appointment—"

I cut her off by standing. I stared at her and I then shook my head hysterically. Ayoko. Ayon ang gusto kong sabihin ngunit kahit ano'ng buka ng aking bibig ay walang lumalabas... kun'di tili at mataas na boses.

"Hindi na... Hindi na... hindi na tatawag si Tita... Kalma na, Martiza..." Pampalubag ng loob sa akin ni Kuya Wancho. "Hindi na... breathe, Matiza..."

I kept on trembling even though I was on his embrace. Tita looked scared and shocked. Kuya Wancho kept on whispering things on my ears to make me calm.

I don't want unfamiliar faces. I don't want to meet new people. I want to be alone.

"Hahatid ka na ni Kuya sa kwarto mo, ha?" Malambing na sabi ni Kuya at tumango na lang ako. "Hahatid ka na ni Kuya..."

Nang maihatid niya ako sa aking kwarto ay naririnig ko pa rin ang kanilang boses. Mas pinili kong humiga sa aking kama at tumitig sa aking ceiling. Ganito ang aking nakasanayan sa araw-araw dahil wala naman akong gadgets. Hindi rin ako lumalabas ng bahay. Mas pinipili kong magkulong sa aking kwarto.

"Was she always like that?" I heard Tita's voice. "She needs help, Wancho!"

"Tita, I know my sister. She's afraid to face people, give her some time. She's a strong girl, she'll heal on her own."

"But Wancho! She needs to see a doctor! Baka mamaya kung ano ang nangyayari kay Martiza Arrana!"

"Tita, hayaan na lang po natin ang kapatid ko. Sa ngayon. Bigyan po natin siya ng oras."

It wasn't a boon for me to have this kind of... suffering. I feel such ennui that I don't look forward at anything. I tried to obviate myself from everything... to, at least, have the peace. Everything enervates me. I quickly get tired despite the fact that I didn't move that much. I spent my time laying on my bed thinking about all the situations that I could've avoided and fought... if I wasn't weak, scared and blinded.