Grishaverse Oneshot Collection

Freezing Fear {Kaz Brekker}

Summary: Kaz notices you on the rooftop and comforts you with not only words, but also his jacket.

Warnings: Mentions of Tante Heleen, past at the Menagerie and death.

It was an unusual cold night in the Barrel and Y/n was freezing, as she was sitting on the rooftop of the Slat.
A few minutes ago Inej was still sitting next to her, talking about tomorrow, laughing about yesterday. It was a calm moment, an escape of what was about to come.
But Inej was gone, said she wanted to get rest before they left tomorrow, and now that Y/n was alone with her thoughts, she couldn't deny how scary it all seemed.

Y/n wasn't weak. She was brave and knew damn well how to fight, and she escaped Tante Heleen all alone. She did it, she escaped the Menagerie. A fair point is, that she would have still starved to death on the street, if it wouldn't have been for Kaz Brekker.
And yet, breaking into the Ice Court suddenly seemed so much bigger than them.
Like something they could never succeed in.
But Y/n wouldn't back out, not because she suddenly got cold feet.
She owed it to them. She owed it to Kaz.
He saved her, and if she needed to she would give her life to save him.

She pulled her legs up a bit closer, Y/n could feel the cold air deep in her bones.
She didn't want to go to bed. She didn't want to go inside and get rest. She didn't want to go on that damn ship.
She laughed at herself. Pathetic.
There was nothing to be scared about. You've been through worse. You've been on a ship before, you stole something before, you broke into something before, Y/n told herself.
She didn't believe it.

The moment Y/n started considering going inside, her fingers turning white and dull from the cold, she heard the knocking of Kaz Brekkers cane on the roof. Her head shot up.
"You're freezing yourself to death." The bastard of the barrel noticed.
"Like you care." The young women scoffed.
Kaz sighed so quietly, that she barely even noticed. He handed her something.
She only just noticed it was one of his jackets when she already held it in her hands.
"I don't. But we can't afford to dispense a single crow tomorrow. We can't afford you to get sick." He answered and raised his brows at her, waiting for Y/n to but on the jacket.

She hesitated, but did it with a face of slight discomfort. It was a facade. Kaz Brekker wasn't the guy who would lend his clothes to someone. Saints, and they smelled like him.
Like leather, coffee beans and a tint of Bergamot. It was heavenly.
Y/n never in her life felt this honoured.
"Then I guess you can't afford me to back out of the plan, either." She noticed.
"No." Was his simple response, as a sat down a few inches beside her and looked over the rooftops of Ketterdam like a proud father would look at his child.

"I'm scared, Kaz." Y/n said honestly.
"I think they all are." He answered.
She growled, which caused Kaz to look at her.
"And the holy Kaz Brekker isn't. If course not.
Never scared and always prepared." She mocked, but before he could answer, she continued talking.
"But that's not what I mean. Breaking into the Ice Court is big, and dangerous and I would be lying if I would say that I do not fear it, but it's so much bigger. I fear the memories every step of this way will bring me."

Kaz slightly raised his eyebrows again.
He knew about her past. He knew every detail.
He knew how her parents died, when she was barely eleven. He knew how her older sister made her go onto that ship with her, hoping for more chances in Ketterdam. He knew, how they got them. How both, Y/n and her sister ended up in the Menagerie once the ship reached the harbour. Kaz knew how she escaped. Only fourteen, the day after her sister was beaten to death by one of the clients.
He went to Tante Heleen the day after her picked Y/n up from the street, scared to be touched, just like he was. He paid her off with his own money, before he even knew Inej.
He never told Y/n. He never wanted her to have the feeling she needed to pay herself off.
He wanted to give her to chance to do everything the way she needed to, in her own pace. He wanted her to heal better than he did.

"What are you scared about exactly?"
He asked. "That the ship will pull the trigger. I thought I healed. I let people touch me. I don't flinch. I stopped hearing her voice. But what if I never healed, but just locked all the feelings away? What if the ship will be the key to let it all out again?" He didn't answer, just like she did not say another word. It was quiet for a while. Y/n wrapped herself closer into his jacket. She breathed in deeply. That damn smell shouldn't comfort her so much.

Kaz noticed it, they way she comforted herself in his jacket. He wouldn't mock her about it. But he wouldn't say how much he adored her for it either.
"It's normal to have better and worse days. But I don't think you will break out the way you think you do. I've seen you fighting all kinds of battles. You're much stronger than that."
Y/n looked at Kaz, for a slight moment their eyes locked and Y/n could feel her heart skip a beat.

Dirtyhands leaned onto his cane and heaved himself up before she dared to help him.
"You should go to bed, Y/n. As I said, I can't dispense you." She swallowed the lump in her throat, as she started taking of his jacket.
"Keep it." Was the last thing Kaz Brekker said to her, before he disappeared inside of the attic.