Grishaverse Oneshot Collection

Pursued pleasure {Kaz Brekker}

Summary: Five years into the future, Kaz has gotten much further with his fear of touch. But one big step is still missing. So he and Y/n take it. Basically just Kaz way to get into sexual things.

Warnings: Touch aversion, mild Smut (no actual sex or oral sex)

Kaz Brekker was 23 years old.
Kaz Brekker wasn't a nine year old boy that just lost his brother, Kaz Brekker wasn't a fourteen year old boy that just broke his leg and Kaz Brekker wasn't an eightheen year old young man that broke into the Ice Court.
Kaz Brekker was 23 years old and madly in love with Y/n for five years now.
Five years with ups and downs, years that meant small steps and big ones. Steps that were painful and hard and others that brought both of them so much comfort and joy.

Kaz couldn't have asked for a more gentle, accepting and patient girlfriend. Each little relapse, every panic attack she carefully endured and helped him through. Y/n was the love of his life, he was sure of that after she stood by his side through all of it.
And through these five years, they made huge progress. Kaz could endure touch. The touch of his friends, her touch could sometimes give him comfort. Holding hands wasn't threatening, small kisses didn't feel like Jordie, like dead flesh, the cold and the sea. Small kisses felt like life, warm and soft and dry, loving. Small kisses turned into snogging sessions soon, but Kaz couldn't enjoy that alot. It was too wet, too sloppy.

But after he found comfort in her touch, another big aspect Kaz wanted to persue was pleasure. His priority wasn't his, it was about her. About giving her something back for all that she did for him, without rushing himself.
If he would rush himself, he would get uncomfortable. Take steps back. Neither of them wanted that.
He envied Jesper and Wylan or Nina and Matthias. How they shamelessly snugged, how their hands explored the others body. How they never even tried to disguise all the hickeys. He noticed that Y/n envied them too.
That was even worse, as he could feel the guilt eating him up from inside.

But Kaz was so sure to finally overcome all his fears, at least with her. He wanted to feel her in his hands, on his lips. Her nose, her cheeks, her forehead and lips. Her neck. Gosh, her beautiful neck. His thoughts wandered down her body. Her breasts. He saw them a few times, because Y/n had no shame to undress before him. Kaz always pretended to not care, to concentrate on anything but the beauty of her body. In reality, he noticed all the little details. Each birthmark or scar. He remembered them. He thought about them when he was supposed to work and his mind instead wandered to her again, looking at the picture of Y/n that stood framed on his desk.

He never planned for his mind to take a dirty twist. To imagine his lips and hands all over her, but it happened and soon that was all Kaz could think of.
Y/n was wel aware of his longing glances. All the crows were. Times had changed, they weren't insecure (still deadly) teenagers anymore, they were adults. Chatting about sex wasn't something uncommon, Wylan and Jesper were married after all and Nina and Matthias were on their best way to get there. It was only natural that they accepted sex as an average, completely natural thing in their life. But that wasn't the case for Kaz and Y/n.
They were 23 and virgins. That wasn't a big secret, at least not to the Crows. To the people who knew damn well about the struggles they had.

So one certain day in summer, when the attic was burning hot despite all the opened windows and the sun long gone, Kaz decided to shoot his shot.
It was calm in the Slat. Nobody cared to bother Dirtyhands, everyone slept or was busy eating and drinking with friends. Not even a handful of Dregs were on a mission. Kaz gave them the free time, he wanted to get through with his work too. So it was no wonder that the Crows were alll out as well, eating dinner with their significant other.

Y/n layed on his bed, wearing nothing more than her underwear and, loosely thrown over it, one of his button up shirts.
She flicked through a magazine without actually reading it. Every now and them she sighed deeply, visibly exhausted from the hot temperatures. Kaz cleared his throat, causing her to look up.
He was wearing way too much, she thought.
Long pants, sleeves rolled up and a few buttons of his shirt have been opened. She could never. Y/n raised her brows in expectations, waiting for him to say what he wanted.