FORBIDDEN LOVE

I lost him

I was spending my last summer days in the hospital. I had five sessions with my own pscycologist, it was middle-aged woman with sharp features: sharp nose, sharp eyes and thin lips, but she was polite. She concluded according to our conversation that I had good mental position. That night it wasn't a suicide, it was just incident. I dived and hit a rock which was in the water, lost my mind and my body was brought to the beach like a dead dolphin. I knew exactly that Jayden was carrying me on his arms, his touches shouldn't be confused with anything. 

I didn't understand why only Toby spent my days in the hospital near me. Jayden came with parents and we couldn't be together to speak about us, about that accident, about kissing in the cave, about everything. I wrote to him many messages, but he seldom answered to me. I realised that something happened with him and between us. Toby completely focused on my health. But doctors said that it was just bruises, no fractures, no sprains. 

August, 30. I got home. I was met by Toby and my parents, but Jayden was absent again. We were in my dad's car, Toby was holding my hand where his bracelet was hanging. 

"Where is Jayden?" - I asked my parents carefully. 

"He is packing his things, darling." - Mum was so quiet. Toby turned his head towards to the window and had a slight smile. 

"Where is he going?" - I continued my interrogation. 

"He is going to the college in Tracy's city." - My father added and switched on the windshield wipes because of the heavy rain. 

I got out of the car, Toby helped me to pass the puddles by. Jayden was in the house, but I felt desolation. Everybody came to the living room, dad switched TV on, Toby sat the white soft sofa down next to my father and they were discussing boxing which was on TV. Mum went to the kitchen to prepare something. Tracy and Hanna had already gone, thanks God. I told Toby to stay downstairs and up to my room. When I opened the door I saw the wide man's back. Jay was looking for his charge. 

"It's  in the bedside table." - I said this and he stopped dead. "If you are looking for a charge, it is in my bedside table." - He looked lost.

"You are already at home!" - He drew the cabinet of my table. 

"You know, I have been waiting for you today!" - I said bitterly. 

"You know, it's better to break up. Really! It's better for you. We're supposed to be different, so I'm leaving."

"What the fucking the hell? You are a lier, you are a coward man. You swear in love and now deny it." - My emotions became strong and bright. 

"I love you unconditionally! Josephine, remember. I'm loving you forever, all my life. You are in my heart. But, first of all, we are brothers. I love all your cells on your body. I can paint your face with closed eyes. You tear my heart, you burn my soul, don't say like that. I save you, your life. You deserve to be happy. You cannot be happy with me."

"I cannot be happy without you." - I came to him trying kissing him. I hoped he would change his opinion. But he moved me aside. 

"You don't get me!" - He was holding my hands. My hands looked like Thumbelina's hands in his huge hands. 

"Screw it! Get lost! Move your ass! Your Tracy is waiting for you! Be happy together!" - I attacked him, I hit his chest like a hysterical girl, he was trying to hold me. He cuddled my hair up, sniffed deeply and gave me a slight kiss whispering: "I love you more than that. Sorry me if you can."

He left me crying on the floor.