Meant to be

The Decision - Evie

The last six months of my life have been... surprising, to say the least.

Did I think that by the end of January of my third year of university I would be in the hospital, holding a friend's hand while they scream in my ear, pushing a baby out of their vagina?

No.

Yet, here I am.

It's almost laughable, almost but not quite.

I'm supposed to be in bed reading, revising, having an impromptu movie night or date night but I forfeited all things normal students would do the moment I'd accepted to help Jodie with the baby. More times than not I'm okay with it but sometimes I'll find myself regretting the fact I'd agreed to help.

There always seems to be a lot regrets when Jodie's involved.

The word I would probably choose to describe those past six months would be sacrifice.

I'd sacrificed what I wanted for this moment right here. Now as Jodie screams bloody murder, squeezing my hand, till I'm not completely sure I can feel it anymore. I can't help but revise the last six months in my mind as a way to dull out her screams and give myself something else to focus on.

From the moment Mason told me that he'd always be mine, my heart hasn't stopped skipping. Things were complicated on my end, my feelings for him didn't waiver like I hoped, I wanted to continue our arrangement, wanted things to go back to normal. But the more Jodie's bump grew, the more the reality set in, it's something we couldn't ignore, escape or dismiss. Of course Mason and I didn't stop hanging out, we didn't stop talking to each other every night, we didn't stop cooking together on a Sunday morning or go out together. We didn't stop being us, that I wouldn't be able to cope with, a lot of my adult life has featured Mason and I don't plan on that ever changing.

Had it been hard to be in such close proximity or someone I just want to kiss?

Fuck yes.

But we still hold each other the same way, talk the same way, the intimacy and desire I feel for him hasn't once dissipated. Does that mean one day we could pick up right where we left off?

Maybe.

But those six months weren't even the hard part, even when it felt unbearable and uncomfortable.

Jodie and the baby were like a constant looming dark cloud, even if that was a shitty thing to say, well, think. I never actually said that out loud, despite Piper basically saying it whenever Jodie treated Mason like an on call assistant.

Which was a lot.

Every other night she'd call him asking for something, to do with her cravings, demanding he drive forty minutes each way to get to Reading. That with the demands of pre natal classes, Lamaze classes and any other classes or sessions related to birthing and babies kept him on his toes. Like I predicted, Mason had a lot on his plate, although I secretly love the fact he still makes time for me, even when I don't ask him to. He had a lot on his plate, but I can't deny that I admire the way he carries that plate, he always found time for anyone who needed it and always looked so gorgeous whilst doing it. When I see him coping with it all so well I always wonder whether I did the right thing by putting our arrangement on pause till the baby arrived.

Could we have made it work?

Maybe.

But I'll never know the honest answer to that, only the hypothetical. What I do know is that Jodie doesn't deserve Mason, he'd been the one to organise all the classes, sign her up for the doctors. In layman terms, Mason did everything responsible and beneficial for the baby. Even if he didn't know if that was his baby, he'd given his all. As judgemental as it sounds Jodie had taken a surprising amount of disinterest in her pregnancy. That part I didn't understand, she still looked unbelievably stunning and knowing Jodie her post baby body will probably be even better than it was before. The only time she took any interest in the baby was when she spoke about her vision of raising the baby in a traditional household.