Meant to be

The Last Goodbye - Evie

I feel numb.

Like I'm not really in my own body.

Like it doesn't belong to me.

It doesn't feel like my body because I've just been defiled.

Taken advantage of.

Manipulated.

Touched without my voluntary consent.

Treated like a doll, not the human being I am.

Except.

I am a human.

It's my body.

It belongs to me I affirm.

I am not a weak, pathetic excuse of a person who asserts their dominance through abuse or hurts people, I'm better than that.

I have nothing to be ashamed off.

I know that even though I'm speaking internally my voice is shaky and wavering trying to sound confident.

Part of me wants to crawl under the covers, hide from the world till my physical and mental wounds heal.

But I'm not letting him feel like he's won or that he's triumphed over me.

I don't know how and I don't know when but I'm going to make him regret ever touching me and he's going to regret even mentioning my sister's name.

Dominic watches me like a hawk as I put on my jeans, I know he sees the bruise quickly forming on my lower back almost connecting with the one on my stomach but I don't detect a hint of remorse, he looks more like someone admiring a trophy. I quickly avert my eyes, looking at him only makes me physically sick to my stomach, my fingers curl and uncurl into a fist wanting to retaliate for bringing my sister into this mess, I don't think I've ever felt so much contempt for a person as I do Dominic. Sitting down at my dressing table to steady myself as he rummages through my closet for something to cover the marks he'd left on my neck, looking in the mirror I see someone who loves their sister more than anything and anyone. Someone who made the right choice. My face is gradually returning to its original complexion as the blotchy red patches start to fade, my swollen fingers rub my neck gently there's two deep bruises where his thumbs had been and a red looking band of discomfort along my neck cartilage.

How am I supposed to sit at a dinner table with my family looking like this?

How am I supposed to face Mason looking like this?

Fuck.
"Put this on and put your ring on" he tosses my white turtleneck at me, signalling to the ring that feels like a prison sentence. Following his command I put it on, it just about covers the bruise but my hair will have to do the rest, he clears his throat gesturing to the ring again, I struggle not to roll my eyes as I pick it up.

It feels heavier, bearing the weight of my regret of accepting it in the first place.

The regret of ever laying eyes on him in the first place.

Regret bringing him into my family, our home and our lives.

But my biggest regret is choosing him over Mason in the first place.

Shoving the ring on I sit back at my dresser, trying to apply my eyeliner but my hand shakes leaving an unsteady black line just above my cheekbone, sighing I wipe it off and abandoned the idea o& eyeliner.

A knock on my door startles me, Dominic sits on my bed casually as if the the past fifteen minutes never occurred, showing no indication of answering the door, reverting back to his phone obsessed self. I put on the fake smile I'd mastered and open the door to Ra-Ra. My eyes widen in alarm not wanting her anywhere near him, I pull up the door a little so he can't see her.