All for you | Jesse Pinkman Fanfic

XXXVII

"Yeah, he's been like real quiet lately." Brandon said as we ate dinner at Carmen and I's place.

"When's the last time you saw him?" I questioned, stabbing my food with a fork.

"The other day... we just smoked a few bowls but he was totally out of it." He said. "Have you talked to him recently?"

"No, I've been busy." I said, which was true. It had been a hectic week and I didn't think that Jesse would've fallen down a rabbit hole since I last saw him.

-

After another week or so I drove over to Jesse's since he didn't answer my calls from earlier.

I knocked on his door and a part of me didn't think he'd answer, "Hey Jess."

"What're you doing here?" He asked, "J-just come inside."

I stepped inside and he shut the door behind me.

I glanced at him, the rim of his eyes were all red— he had a resemblance to a walking corpse.

"You haven't returned any of my calls so I figured I'd come to make sure you're still... living." That probably wasn't the best play on words.

"Been busy or whatever."

"Busy, huh?" I said walking up to his table which was overflowing with garbage. "What are we ignoring each other for this time? Me being jealous? Your ex-job being too dangerous?"

"We aren't ignoring each other like I said I've been busy." He said coming to stand beside me.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah." He said quietly.

"Why do you have a gun in your back pocket?"

He parted his lips, his eyes widening before pulling it out and chucked it on the floor, "How do you manage to see everything?"

"Think it's a women thing... our instincts are pretty kick ass." I replied, "Anyway wanna talk about why you look so... tired?"

"I've been thinking a lot lately... that's all."

"The floor is yours," I said taking a seat on his couch.

"Blood money." He mumbled and sat beside me, "I'm sorry did you just say blood money?" I asked him, turning my body to face him.

"Yeah, that's what I've been thinking about... blood money." He sighed, "Mr. White finally gave me the money he owes me and I don't want it."

"All drug money is dirty though? You worked for it you might as well keep it—"

"You don't fucking understand." He snapped, making me close my mouth.

"It's about the lives we took, it's about Mike and how he killed him." He took a shaky breath, "It's about the parents who don't know where their child is and it's about me having all this money that I don't want."

He burst into tears, the stress of holding that all in was eating him alive.

I pulled him into a hug, letting him cry it all out.

He sobbed more about Walter and the kid and something about Walter letting Mike's men go, I listened and hummed in agreement.

"S-sorry you probably don't care about this s-shit." He said as he wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt.

"If it affects you I care."

He scoffed, "Yeah as a friend well guess what? I'm so tired of pretending like I don't miss being with you. I'm tired of watching everyone around me get hurt and I'm tired of being tired."

"Let me help you." I said, "I miss you too— I really do but I think it's best that you sort yourself out first."

"Let me down easily, tell me that you're done with the druggie loser who always goes back to it."

"I actually love the 'druggie loser' that you're talking about but I definitely wouldn't refer to him as that more like the handsome, overly caring guy that I went to high school with."

His lips curled upwards into a smile for a second before back to a frown. "I don't know what to do anymore," he whispered. "I just want to be happy enough to not need any of it."

"Well let's start by cleaning up your place, yeah?"

-

A month later I graduated college along with Carmen and the rest of my classmates that I paid no attention to. Life was running smoothly, Onyx was house trained, I went to have dinner at my parents' place once a week and even more exciting news, Cecilia found out she was pregnant.

I have been helping Jesse stay clean since he admitted to using again with all the stress he had been dealing with and I started sending resumes to doctor's offices hoping one of them would call me back.

It was summer, everything was supposed to be okay now... and it was until I got a call from Jesse.