Just For Tonight

Good Luck This Season.

"We both know we can't go without it, she told me "You'll never be alone"

Ashtyn~

God only knows how Alex was able to calm me down. I've had many panic attacks before, something about this one, was just different than any other one I've ever had before. Alex and I have been sat on the floor of what should be Kacelyn's nursery, for I don't even know how long before him just holding onto me while I cling to the blanket that was used to swaddle my baby.

"You okay?" Alex asks, rubbing my arm slightly. All I feel like doing right now is shaking my head, "Alright, are you going to be okay?"

"Just like everything else in my life," I start with, "I don't know."

The forced chuckle Alex lets out makes me shake my head again. "How did things get so damn messed up?"

"I don't know Ash," He says quietly, "I really wish I did."

Alex and I just continue to sit with each other in this room, destroyed as it might be. The time passes and things seem to calm down with the passing minutes before I find it in me to stand up again.

"The offer to come back to the apartment still stand?" I ask, looking to Alex for the first time since he'd gotten here.

"Always."

Wrapped in a blanket, on the couch, at Alex's apartment, I stare at my phone, going back and forth for the thousandth time on whether or not I should do this. Alex has been pushing me to do it. He says he doesn't want to see me like I was this morning ever again. As much as I wish I could promise that to him, I don't know how much is going to be fixed by letting Christian go. Biting my lip a little, I shake my head and just drop my phone, letting it fall on the couch in front of me.

Alex comes back over again and hands me a cup of tea before taking his spot on the couch next to me. "So, are you going to make this a long-term thing? Or are you planning on staying at your house again?"

Sighing, I look into the liquid of my cup as if that's going to give me any sort of answer, "I don't know. All I know is I don't know how I'm supposed to live in that house right now."

"Alright," Alex replies, nodding. "That works for me. I missed having a roommate."

The comment makes me smile for the first time today. There's no denying that I've missed Alex a lot these past few months, "What do I owe you for rent then now that I'm back here?"

"Same as before, $1,200. Don't worry about it for this month though, I'm not worried about it."

"Alright," I reply, leaning my head on the couch.

"You hungry?" Alex asks.

"I'm okay," I tell him. There's been a side-effect or two of my new vice, the weight loss of it stealing my appetite welcomed more than it probably should be. Shedding the remaining baby weight without having to think about it is definitely beneficial to my mental health. If I had to think about it, it'd just be another issue to ruin my headspace.

"Alright," Alex says, nodding. "Let me know if you need anything, okay?"

I just nod back, not really knowing what else to do right now.

"Hey, dude, sorry I probably should've given you a heads up," Ashleigh says, as she gets out of her car. "My boyfriend's grandma passed, and we went down for her funeral."

Shaking my head, I reply, "Don't worry about it. I had just dropped my fiance off at the airport so my head was in a weird space."

"Believe me, I get it," She says, before grabbing a baggie out of her bag for me, "I hate to do this but, Kyler said that I've gotta charge you at least a few times."