Just For Tonight

I've Got Meetings.

"Now this gon' be the hardest thing I think I ever had to do. Got me talkin' to myself askin' how I'm gon' tell you."

"Holy fuck," I say holding my hand over my mouth as I look at the two positive tests in front of me. "Holy fuck," I can't help but repeat. Natalia and Alex both just watch me neither of them having any idea what the hell to even say right now. It's a lot less funny to joke about when it's fucking real. Holy fuck.

"Do you have a way of contacting him?" Alex asks. I just shake my head before holding it in my hands and staring at the counter my elbows rest on. This cannot be fucking happening right now. Pushing my hair back I let my hands rest on the back of my neck and just hold them there as I look at the two of them standing in front of me very obviously concerned. Glancing to the oven I see that it's already almost eight-thirty.

"I've gotta shower, I've got meetings," I tell them as I stand up from my seat.

They both look equally as confused before Natalia asks, "Well what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to shower and then go to work," I tell her matter of factly.

"Okay but she means about the kid," Alex says almost dumbfounded by my answer.

Throwing my hands up and letting them fall to my sides again I just say, "I don't know. What the hell am I supposed to do?" Alex just shrugs sheepishly at my response really not wanting to step on my toes right now, "I need to go to work and try and somehow figure out how the hell to wrap my head around this new revelation. I also need to go to the doctor to actually confirm it. Until that happens I really can't do anything but continue life as normal. I'm going to take a wild guess right here and say that once this is confirmed my life is going to be anything but normal at least for a little while. So right now I'm just gonna ignore it."

"Ash I'm not sure that you can just ignore this," Natalia says.

Scoffing I roll my eyes, "Well what the hell do you suggest I do? I'm all ears, Natalia, because I have no fucking clue what I should do. I know I can't just not go to work right now, shit doesn't just work like that."

"Well, are you going to try and talk to Christian?" Natalia asks.

"I mean if this shit is actually fucking real and my doctor confirms it then maybe, maybe I'll just get rid of it before it even fucking matters. I don't fucking know," I say getting more and more worked up the longer that I'm getting questioned, "I'm already freaking out and stressing enough about all of this shit. I'd really fucking appreciate if we could stop with the incessant questioning so I can go get ready for work."

"Okay," Natalia says nodding, "Do you want us around when you get back and we can talk about it? Alex and I are more than willing to help with whatever and be here for support you know that."

"Yeah I know but right now I can't deal with this," I tell them as I pull my hair back and just let my hands in my hair. "Like I can't right now because I'm going to start spiraling and I really can't do that now because I won't get my shit together before my first meeting."

"Alright," Natalia says nodding, "Go get ready for work."

I can't help but roll my eyes as I turn back and head to my room again and shut the door behind me making sure to lock it. This cannot be fucking happening right now. Obviously, I'll have to find out how to get in contact with Christian discreetly. That's not really a question I don't think. Even if it's my decision I should at least try to talk to him about it right? Maybe I'll decide if I want to keep it or not first. That's a start I guess.

Getting into the bathroom I glance myself over in the mirror, I'm really pregnant right now. What the fuck. Sucking in a breath I let it out before lifting up my shirt and look at my stomach. Why the fuck is that my first instinct as if there'd be anything to see of the cluster of cells chilling in my uterus right now. I'm really fucking knocked up, huh? Unbelievable. Don't cry Ash, it'll be fine, you're fine, you've just gotta get to work and this will work out how it's supposed to. God, I fucking hope so.