Just For Tonight

Not Now, Not Again.

"Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable, and life's like an hourglass glued to the table. No, you can't find the rewind button, girl. So cradle your head in your hands and breathe, just breathe."

Alex~

The silence on the other end of the line is deafening. This man's world has collapsed around him once already, and now I've just told him this. How do you even respond to news like this after everything? "Is-Is, holy fuck," he stutters out, before taking a deep breath, "Is she okay?"

Shaking my head, I bite onto the inside of my cheek while my face gets hot. This is fucking horrible. "I don't know. They had to shock her twice in the ambulance, and now I haven't heard anything." My voice cracks at the end as I feel my tears starting to flow again. My leg bounces at a million miles an hour as the torment of not knowing anything overtakes me. This isn't fucking fair.

"What am I supposed to do?" Christian asks, his voice hoarser than it had been. "Should I come up and be there? What do I do? Would she want me there? She just broke up with me, but I can't not be there, Alex what am I supposed to do?"

Christian is frantic on the phone. The panic of his tone unmistakable as he speaks, "I don't know Christian, I don't know anything it feels like. It wouldn't hurt if you were up here. As of eight hours ago, you two were engaged, so I can't tell you no. You should be here."

"Okay, I'll be on the next flight out," He says, and I can hear shuffling already on his end. This is insane. "Can-Can you update me on anything that you know?"

"Yeah," I reply, the hurt in his voice evident. This is all just so horrible. "See you soon."

"Yeah," is all he says before the line goes dead.

Natalia looks at me, her face sullen as she shakes her head, tears streaming down her face as she leans into me again. This isn't fair.

Christian~

Scavenging the room, I gather anything I'll need and just throw it into the first bag I found. Jesus fucking Christ, this isn't happening, this just isn't real. How the hell is this happening right now? We just lost Kacey, I can't lose Ashtyn too. What the fuck is going on? My heart pounds in my chest as I slip on the first hoodie and sweats that I find before grabbing the bag and my phone and heading down to Counsell's room.

Barely able to breathe anymore, I pound on his door needing to just get the hell out of here. There's a small break between my knocks before I just pound again, not having the time to have to be patient right now.

Couns finally opens the door, he looks angry at first, before being more confused than anything. "I broke my hand because I destroyed a hospital bathroom when Kacelyn was stillborn. Ashtyn just overdosed, and the news cycle is going to pick it up, so I'm telling you because I'm leaving." I'm sure I sound completely insane right now. My world collapsed once now in February, and now the pieces are just shattering beneath me.

"Do you need a ride to the airport?" Is all he asks. All I can do is nod.

"Alex: They just let Nat and I know Ashtyn is stable for now. It's pretty touch and go, but she's stable." Reading the text, my jaw just clenches as I stare out of the window, waiting for this plane to arrive. How is this real right now? My eyes burn with tears as I try and force them back, wondering what the hell I could have done differently. I shouldn't have gone when I did. I should've stayed. I should've been more attentive to her. I should've picked up on something being wrong. I should've just told Counsell and Mark what happened to Kacey. They'd have understood, right?

Holding my head in my hands, I tug on my hair, trying to make any sense of what's happening and how we're here. How didn't I notice? How didn't I see what was right in front of me? How did I let myself so badly want for Ashtyn to be okay, that I didn't even think twice about her just being fine? How did this even happen?

"Now boarding flight A140 to Milwaukee. Again, now boarding flight A140 to Milwaukee," is announced out. Fucking finally.

It's about seven in the morning when I finally get to the hospital. Parking, I all but sprint inside to find Alex and Natalia. Pushing through the doors, I head to the front desk. "I'm Ashtyn Kingston's fiance. She was admitted last night. I think her friends Natalia and Alex are here."

The receptionist nods and types something into her computer, "Alright, you can join her friends in a more private waiting room. Through those doors, it's the third door on the left there's a sign." Nodding quickly, I thank her before rushing down the hall.

Finding the room, I push the door open and see the two of them. Alex is hunched forward, his chin resting on his hands, his face hard as he stares ahead. Natalia rests her head on her hand propped up as her eyes are closed. Both of them obviously having been through it these last few hours.

"Hey," Alex says, noticing me first. He stands up, and we meet each other as he pulls me into a hug. I'm not sure which one of us needed this more. Crazy how this is the second time that we've been in this position. This isn't real.

"Any update?" I ask, pulling away again.

Alex shakes his head. his face falling completely. What happened? "She coded twice last night, they were able to bring her back but they're not sure what more they can do if she doesn't improve."

Holy shit. My eyes go wide as I find the closest chair and sit down in it. How is this happening? "What even happened? How did we get here?" I ask, almost coming out as a plea.

"I don't know," Alex answers, shaking his head as he looks down, "I should've noticed, and I fucking didn't."

Scoffing, I nod, "I lived with her, and somehow I didn't notice."

Nat stirs a little before blinking a couple times, "Hey," she mumbles.

"Hey," I reply with a forced smile.

"You think we should call mom," She asks looking at Alex.

Alex nods, "Yeah, probably. Do you want me to, or do you have it?"

"I got it," Nat says, grabbing her phone and heading out of the room. That leaves Alex and me alone. Just like when we lost Kacey. My breath catches in my throat as I lean back and stare into the ceiling lights. Blinking my tears away, I try to keep myself calm. What the hell am I supposed to do if I lose her too? Two of the most important people in my life, both gone in less than two months of each other. How the fuck did I get so lucky?

Neither Alex nor myself says anything, I'd assume he's spiraling just as hard as I am waiting to hear anything on if Ashtyn is going to be okay. This isn't real right now, how am I supposed to believe this is what's happening right now after everything? I can take her not wanting to be with me, but I can't lose her completely. There's no coming back from losing them both. How could you? Losing Kacelyn was devastating enough, but losing Ashtyn too? I can't even think of what I'd do.

Natalia's sniffles as she comes back in catch Alex and my attention. "Mom said she'd be here soon and to keep her updated. She doesn't know what to think either, I know none of us do."

Nodding, I look to my hands, it's going to be a while before we know anything.

"You're the fiance correct?" A nurse asks, coming into the waiting room and looking at me. Nodding, I stand up. Sort of anyway. "Okay," She continues with a small nod, "Ashtyn has been stable now since she last coded. It's a little less touch and go than it had been last night and through the morning. However, there's no certainty right now with the condition she's in, only time will tell. I really wish I could give you all a better update but, I can't right now and I'm sorry. She's been stable so that's progress, but it's now just waiting to see if she improves." The three of us nod taking in what she's said. So she's stable, but they don't know if she's going to be okay.

"Thank you," Alex says, shoving his hands in his pockets as he looks at Nat and me. The nurse gives us a small nod before heading back out. I really can't believe this is happening right now. There's no reason we should be here, I should've noticed something was up. We should've been able to get her help. We shouldn't be here. Not now, not again.

(It's my birthday! and I'm planning on getting fucked up lmfao cause I can and the pandemic is getting better and I'm vaccinated. I've only got 2 paragraphs of the next chapter written, should have it up on Tuesday if I don't manage to pull it together and have it up sometime tomorrow!)