Just For Tonight

Super Simple.

T/W; talks of drugs/addictions.

"Can't go away girl Imma needs you, play your games like they're my ticket to an ivy league school. Won't get hall of fame dick from a minor league dude." 

Christian turns down the radio and looks to me as I look at him confused, "What, you don't like Mac?" 

"No he's fine," Christian replies shaking his head, "Kinda tired of that song though and wanted to actually talk to you and get to know you seeing as we're kinda stuck with each other for a while now." 

Chuckling slightly I nod and turn as I can in the passenger seat of his truck and lean on the door so I can face him as he drives through Illinois now, "Well what do you wanna know?" 

"When's your birthday?" He asks first.

I can't help but laugh at the simplicity of it knowing not to expect him to actually remember it, "June 16th." 

"Nice summer birthday," Christian says, "December 16th for me."

"Damn so we're half birthday buddies," I say with a small laugh as the words come out of my mouth over how dumb that was. Christian chuckles a little at my lame comment, "Are we gonna go like that, super simple?" 

"Is there a problem with simple?" Christian asks glancing over to me with a small smile.

I shake my head and look at my lap my bump sticking out over about a third of it already, "No, little things are important."

"Well okay then, stop complaining," Christian teases making me scoff, "What's your favorite color?" 

"It kinda switches," I answer, "All around, Green, but I also really like yellows. Not really like the golden yellows but like yellow yellow, and I guess pastel yellow." 

"All around green," Christian repeats with a small laugh, "What's your favorite green?" 

"Emerald," I say nodding thinking of the color and how good it looks on pretty much everyone and how pretty the jewelry is with it. "And like pastel green again." 

"Interesting, okay," Christian nods, "Mines probably blue, I really haven't thought about it too much though. Blues a good one though, solid color." 

I can't help but laugh at the solid color comment, "I'll agree, what about favorite season?"

"Probably 2018," He answers with his whole ass heart making me bust out laughing. 

"I meant of the year not of your career," I tell him still laughing as he smiles embarrassed at his answer. "Probably 2018," I repeat as I shake my head, "That was a pretty good one for you for sure but I don't think there was any question to that there, MVP." 

"I forget that you knew about me on some sort of fan level before that night," Christian comments, "I like fall." 

"Why?" I ask curious.

"It's probably the most fun time of the season even if it's got the most stress. Playoff baseball is crazy and exciting and just an insane environment, then now that I've been in Milwaukee I actually get to see a real fall transition more than maybe getting below fifty a couple of days. It's just cool and fun around here because it's actually like fall," He explains. Somehow the answer really doesn't surprise me either. 

"That actually makes a lot of sense for you," I comment, "I like spring, but like late spring so in your terms about when baseball regular-season starts." 

Christian laughs before repeating, "My terms." 

"Yeah," I reply with a little smile, "It's just nice getting out of the snow again and not being completely freezing all the time or having to worry about if I should close the office for the day or anything like that to make sure my staff can get home alright. Then I don't have to scrape my car or anything anymore. I also really like when it rains I just think it's peaceful and then I love the smell of right after it rains and like right before it rains." 

"Interesting," Christian nods, "I kinda pegged you for a fall type of person, like hoodies and stuff."

"You've also really only known me while I've been pregnant," I point out, "Fall is almost my least favorite season. It's pretty close with winter because I don't really love the cold, I just feel like most of the bad shit that seems to happen to me happens in the fall. I don't know it's kinda weird. Like you know my situation with my dad to some extent, the last time I saw him was October probably about 2007. I fully cut ties with my mom on Thanksgiving four years ago now. Alex and Natalia's dad passed away in October six years ago now and he was pretty much the closest thing I ever had to an actual dad. Falls always just been weird for me." 

"Wow," Christian says clearly not really sure about what else to even say right now. It is a lot, and I know that, but he wanted to get to know me so I'm letting him have that option. Even if it's not exactly the most fun or happy of stories. 

"Yeah," I comment, "I do love the ascetic of the season and Halloween is obviously fun and everything with that but obviously there's a lot going on at this time of year for me."

Christian nods his brow furrowed a little bit, "Do you mind if I ask why you stopped talking to your mom?" 

I can't help but laugh, I should've expected further questions there, "I thought we were keeping it simple?" Christian chuckles a moment with me before I start talking again, "I mean I brought it up and you probably should know about it to some extent. She ended up losing her job, when I was I think sixteen, and that led to a pretty major spiral for her. It, I guess, started when my dad like actually left but when she lost her job was when shit actually started getting bad. She decided that pain killers were a better option for her and that they were going to be the priority at that time over an actual job and me. So at sixteen I pretty much had to provide for myself and her before I ended up moving in with Alex and Natalia's family. Even after I moved I was still providing for her and doing what I could to try and help her, their dad even paid for her to go to a treatment center for like three months. 

"That worked for a little bit and she got a job and I moved back in and everything was good until she ended up failing a drug test again when I was eighteen. Pretty quickly it was obvious that she'd ended up making the transition from pain killers to heroine because it's a little easier somehow to get than perscriprion pain killers. I was in college then at the time so I was out of the house, thank god." I can't help but roll my eyes as I shake my head still not fully even believing myself that she could choose that, "I talked to her and again did what I could to get her to stop and help her as best I could before I got my degree and started AK Events. Once I started my company and got a little bit of success with it I used as much event money that I made and again got her to a treatment center for another three months. That time though pretty much as soon as she got out she was right back onto the same shit again, she hid it a little better but," I shake my head again god she's unbelieveable, "Thanksgiving rolled around and I spent some time with her before I caught the obvious tracks which lead to a massive fight. We were screaming back and forth for god only knows how long, mostly me screaming about her about how much money has been spent trying to help her and the sacrifices that were made all for her to just piss it all away to go out and fucking get high. I didn't turn a profit on AK Events for almost two years because of how much I had to spend for her to go to the treatment center and to help her get clean. 

"So I basically told her that until she could pay me back for every dime I spent on her and also pay Alex and Natalia's dad back for everything he spent and she was clean I didn't want to hear from her ever again and I haven't since," I tell Christian pursing my lips to the side slightly as I watch Christians sympathetic little head shake to me. 

"Wow," He comments once again not having or knowing anything better to say, "That's a lot, I'm sorry Ashtyn."

"I mean, it's not like you're the doctor that started her on the pain killers or her dealer," I reply with a small head shake, "It really just is what it is. She chose drugs over me and there's nothing more that I can do about it than what I've already done. All I know is that I want so much fucking better for my baby than what I was given and I'm going to make damn sure that I do what I can to give her anything and everything I can." 

Christian nods and gives me a small smile, "Well if it's any consolation, I think it's pretty obvious that you're going to be an incredible mom. Even though you're not fully accepting my apologies anyone paying even a little attention can see that."