Just For Tonight

A Daydream Away.

"So we'll take it over ice tonight, with a little salt and a little lime. You're just a daydream away, I wouldn't know what to say if I had you."

Ashtyn~

Looking over to Christian as he's sound asleep I can't help but think of all the could have been and should be's of where we are right now. Now that that's all been taken away something about being here with him just feels off. I really do love him. There's not a real way to even describe how I feel about him I don't think. Something just doesn't really feel right anymore now that Kacelyn is gone and I don't know what to do about it. What even could I do about it, Christian and I are engaged it's not something that's just going to go away now. Looking away from him a little I can't help as my eyes dart down to the ring that's had yet to leave my left hand. Oh, how simple that period of time had been. 

Taking another glance at Christian I turn and grab my phone seeing the time and that it's just past eleven. Sighing I push the covers off me and stand up to head out of our room taking the obligatory glance into what should be Kacelyns. I doubt my head would be anywhere near where it's at now had we not lost her. Biting my lip slightly I just shake my head looking down as I head down the steps. 

Getting to the kitchen I open one of the cabinets and grab the first bottle closest to me and pull it out. Whiskey works I guess. Twisting off the top I grab a glass out of the cabinet before heading to the freezer to get some ice. Might not be my best idea but now ten months and a lost child later, I can't really bring myself to care anymore. 

Sitting at our breakfast nook I take a sip, not quite as used to the subtle burn as it goes down as I once was, that's never going to match up to anything I've been through now though. Polishing off the glass right away I set it back down grabbing the neck of the bottle again and pouring out another one before I screw the cap back on and set it to the side. My engagement ring catches in the dim lighting barely shining in from our deck lights outside. 

Sliding it off my finger I just hold it and examine all the curvatures and intricate designs of the band and the settings of the stones. God, I wish we could go back to the happiness of this instead of where we are. Falling in love and feeling like it was right to get married to Christian even after everything. Maybe it was right when we had a kid involved. Is it still the right thing though now that we don't have one involved? We rushed so quickly into everything even though the first couple of months we seemingly hated each other. Christian has shown to be a good man, he's shown that he does love me, I know that. Even knowing that, and knowing that I love him, how much of that is loving him and not just wanting better for my baby than I'd ever had? 

Letting the ring fall on the table from my hands I continue to stare at it as I take a drink from my second glass. Christian has some security though. There's something definitive there and I don't know that I'd ever think he'd leave me. Something tells me that I know he wouldn't especially once we're married. That's selfish of me to think of that as the benefit though, well he won't leave me. Scoffing audibly I shake my head before taking another drink and looking at my ring again holding it in my fingers. Even if he wouldn't, is it fair to even stay knowing that? Would we even be happy with each other? We rushed so quickly into everything and now I don't even know what to think of what was real and what was just because of Kacelyn. If I don't even know that answer for myself what should I even think about where Christian's thoughts were or are?

Maybe I'm just thinking too far into everything just given everything we've been through. There's no reason really to have doubts but the thought still looms over everything and I don't know that it'll ever go away now that Kacelyns gone. God, this fucking sucks. Shaking my head again I just down the rest of my glass and pour out one more. 

Christian~

Stretching out I turn to my side and see the bed empty next to me. Ashtyn up already? Squinting I glance around the room taking in the morning light before reaching over again and taking my phone off the bedside table and seeing it's just past eight now. Damn, maybe she is up already. 

Getting up I slip on a hoodie and head downstairs, pausing a moment in Kacelyns room I glance around a little before grabbing the door handle and shutting the door. Sometimes I just want to get rid of everything and just move on, I don't even know how to mention that to Ashtyn though. What would we even do with everything though at this point? 

Running my hand through my hair I continue downstairs before rounding the corner to the kitchen and stopping in my tracks. "Ash?" I say immediately seeing her head resting on her hand at our breakfast nook. Ashtyn doesn't respond and I furrow my eyebrows a little and head over to her, "Ashtyn?" I ask again, again with no answer. Well, I can at the very least tell she's breathing, and holding her ring in her left hand as well as an empty cup in front of her, the bottle that was nearly full the last time I'd touched it now half empty. "Ashtyn," I comment now more concerned than anything not really knowing what I should do seeing as she's not supposed to be drinking right now let alone with the medication she's on for pain. How could I fault her though when I've more than once needed to just have a drink after Kacelyn? 

Resting my hand on Ashtyns back I shake it a little to try and wake her up, "Ash, hey," I say again softly. As concerned as I was a few moments ago her not waking up right away heightens that as she's usually pretty easy to get up. "Ashtyn," I say this time more at my normal volume as I nudge her a little harder, "Ashtyn hey."  

Ashtyn's face scrunches a little before she blinks her eyes open adjusting to the light of the morning and I'd assume the very evident concern on my face. Her eyebrows furrow as she wakes up rubbing her eyes a little with her now empty left hand. "Are you okay?" Is all I can ask and she just nods, "Seriously?"

"Mhm," She mumbles back before looking at me again, "Yeah, sorry."

"It's okay," I tell her rubbing her back a little as she nods her eyes glancing down to the table where her ring is sitting before she quickly puts it back on. "What time did you come down here?"

"Little after eleven I think," She replies still groggy and half-asleep seemingly. 

Nodding I glance away from her and back to the bottle still on the table, "And how many glasses of whiskey did you end up having?" 

Ashtyn shrugs a little looking at the bottle, "Three at least, I'm not entirely sure right now Christian."

Sighing I nod, "Okay." Using my free hand that's not resting on Ashtyn's back I run it through my hair not sure what's even okay to say and worry about right now. "Are you still taking the pain meds they gave you?"

"Christian I can't do a lecture right now," She tells me seemingly on the verge of a breakdown and I just nod. That's probably enough of an answer to that question anyways.

"No lecture here," I say, "I just want to make sure you're okay and that you're safe. I love you Ashtyn and I really can't lose you too." 

Ash looks down and nods the slightest amount tilting her hand slightly looking at her ring, "Don't worry," She tells me before giving me the slightest forced smile as she says, "You won't." All I can do is nod and lean into her as she leans in and kisses me. The warm notes of her nights' drinks still linger on her lips before we pull away. 

"Do you have any plans for today?" I ask not really sure what to expect now that she's been back at work and having a normal routine.

Ashtyn shakes her head and shrugs, "Currently none, but I was thinking about scoping out some venues and might end up doing that later." I nod and give her a little smile, "You got any plans for today?"

"Nah," I reply shaking my head, "Pretty much just waiting around to get this cast-off and then heading down for spring training." Ash nods giving me a small smile she really is beautiful, "I love you."

Ash's smile brightens a little as she takes her head before kissing me again and pulling away whispering, "I love you too."