Just For Tonight

Getting Help.

"One more taste of your lips just to bring me back. To the places, we've been and the nights we've had. Because if this is it then at least we could end it right."

Ashtyn~

"Thank you all for being here," I start, addressing my entire staff. "I know this is some of your days off, but I appreciate you being willing to take the time out." There are a few nods in the group here today as I continue, "As of tomorrow, Caitlyn will be the acting head of this company. Currently, this is temporary while I am going to a sixty-day program. My head hasn't been on straight for a while, and it's time that I have to face that and seek out legitimate help. I'd like to thank you all for your hard work and your dedication to this company. I promise that it hasn't gone unnoticed, especially through everything I've been going through personally. There's a reason this company has been successful these last seven years, and I hope to see it continue being successful, regardless of who is in charge." 

Continuing on through the meeting, I answer any questions and delegate what needs to be now that there's a change in management. There's more support than anything, which I'm incredibly grateful for. As hard as this is to do, they've made everything easier. There's no doubt that this company will be successful with or without me. 

Pulling back into my spot in our garage, I turn my car off and just rest my head back on the headrest. Today wasn't easy by any means. Closing my eyes, I feel a tear fall from my left eye. It's hard to be letting this go, even if it is just temporary for right now. So many of these chapters are ending in my life, and I don't know where the next ones start, and it's terrifying. 

There's no telling how much time has passed before there's a knock on my window making me jump. Looking up, I see Christian. While I start to unbuckle, he pulls my door open. "You okay?"

Nodding, I force a small smile, "Yeah. Today just wasn't something I was expecting to come this quickly." 

Christian holds me in his arms after helping me out of my car. The security of him around me hasn't ever been something that's faltered, even with how unsure of my feelings I've been. Regardless of how life pans out, I know I need him in it, whatever way that may be. 

Leading the way inside, Christian holds my hand before I drop my stuff off on the counter. "You just get back from workouts?" I ask, looking at him as he grabs our Brita from the fridge. 

"Yeah," He replies, "It's looking like I can get reinstated pretty quick here."

"That's good," I tell him, nodding. "You don't have to be bored in the house while I'm away." 

Christian chuckles, with a nod, "It's always been the plan to go back once I knew you were okay." 

"I know, but I didn't think we were expecting you to be able to get reinstated this quickly." 

"Right," He answers, "I feel good though, everyone I've been working with feels good about it, so no point in waiting."

"Well, yeah," I answer with a chuckle, "You still planning on dropping me off tomorrow?" 

Christian nods, "As long as you still want me to." 

"I do," I answer quickly, "Just checking." Christian nods and gives me a smile. Hopefully, through all of this, I'll figure out where my head is at. As much as I wish I could be in this a hundred and ten percent, something is keeping me from being able to just jump into it all. 

"You wanna watch a movie?" Christian asks. It's only one in the afternoon, but what else are we gonna do?

There's an aura of the unknown that looms over us, laying here on this couch. It's easy to tell that both of us feel it with how Christian is holding me. His hand of the arm I'm resting on aimlessly plays with my hair, while the other arm holds me close to him, resting around my waist. It's almost like he thinks that if he lets go, I'm going to be gone. 

Turning my head slightly I kiss his arm before turning myself around, still in his grasp. Tilting my head up I find his lips and press mine to them. Christians' hand moves to the back of my head holding me to him as his fingers lace into my hair. Running my tongue along his bottom lip, I notice his hand move down from my back to my ass. Both of us need this just as much as the other. 

After a couple of minutes, Christian breaks away. His eyes meet mine, a hint of something behind them that I can't quite place. "Should we take this upstairs?" He asks in almost a whisper. Nodding, I look in his eyes before down at his lips, pressing mine to his once again. 

Christian sits us up, prompting me to straddle him before he grips onto me, lifting us off the couch as he starts us on the way upstairs. Wrapping my legs tightly around Christian he holds me with one arm around my back, the other under my ass making sure he's got a hand to hold it too. Letting him see where he's going, I press my lips to his neck and start kissing and sucking gently, making my way up his jawline before getting to his ear as we get to the top of the stairs. 

Christian uses the arm that was under my butt to open our bedroom door, shutting it behind us. As impressive as him holding me with one arm was at one point, knowing how much weight I'd lost the last two and a half months, makes me more anxious than anything. I can't worry about that on top of everything else, though. 

Christian lays me down on the bed breaking us away from each other for the first time as he slips his shirt over his head, tossing it to the side. He kisses me again, pushing me into the bed slightly before he starts undressing me. 

The trail of kisses he leaves takes my breath in anticipation of what's to come. Running my fingers through his hair, I pull him back up to me. I hold his head up by me as we press our lips together not wanting to let each other go. Christian grips one hand in my hair, resting on his elbow over me, as he reaches down with the other and starts rubbing slowly on my clit. Moaning slightly, Christian bites my lower lip lightly as I do. 

Christian slips a finger in, and then two, before positioning himself into me. He thrusts slowly into me to start off getting adjusted once again. Both of us cling to one another as his hips move making me moan as he lets out small grunts over everything. He dips his head and presses his lips to the edge of my collarbone, sucking gently as I run my fingers through his hair gripping it tightly as he hits everything perfectly. Looking up my eyes roll back a little feeling every inch of him. It's a different sensation now than it had been before, not necessarily in a bad way, but being sober makes it different. 

I feel Christian's teeth slightly as he sucks a little more on my collarbone and I can't help as my moans fill the air. Sucking in a breath it gets caught in my throat as I begin reaching my climax. "I'm right there," Christian says grunting out slightly, "Fuck Ash." Grabbing his hair again I push my lips to his, my eyes pushing together as I reach my climax and know Christian isn't far behind at all. 

Christian continues on before he finishes, just as breathless as I am as he lays next to me. Something about this time is different, I can't quite say what it is, but it's different. More so than just the fact that I'm sober. I can tell Christian feels it too.

Christian's silence as we park fills the air, neither of us are sure as to what we should say. There's an incredibly good chance that we won't get to see each other at all these next sixty days. His schedule can't really work around visiting times and opportunities the way we'd maybe like. Especially now that he's missed a month and a half of his season already. 

"You get your head back on straight," Christian says, breaking the silence. "Whatever that might mean for us, as long as you can get the help you need, and you figure out what you need. We'll be fine. I'll be fine, honestly, I don't want you to even worry about me, I just want you to be okay. Regardless of what that could mean for us." Looking up to Christian, my eyes well, as I pull my lips into my mouth, nodding. "C'mere." He says, pulling me into him over the center console. 

We hold onto each other a few moments before letting go. I can't push this off any further than I have. I should've found help long before turning to substance abuse, but I didn't. I'm here now though and that has to count for something. I'll get my shit figured out, and I'll be okay. Everything will be okay.