Fatal Attractions (TO BE PUBLISHED)(CURRENTLY IN DISTRIBUTION)

Chapter Thirty-Two: Mental Break

"Good morning, Blue how are you holding up?"

"I'm doing okay, but I just have to try and shake the feeling I have about Katelynn coming by last week,"

"Yeah, that was pretty weird. But she was friendly at least, it could have been a fake thing, but how did your lunch with her go?"

"It wasn't too bad but I just don't know how to feel about the situation yet to be honest with you,"

"Did you guys talk about Kane more?"

"Yeah, but I didn't like talking about him with his soon to be ex-wife. Not when I actually still feel something for him, I only told her that I lusted him because I didn't want any problems, but maybe I really did lust him, regardless I need to figure out a way to truly get over him,"

"I don't know how to help, Blue. My best way to help you is just to be there in whatever it is that you decide to do,"

"I'm taking the day off work today, I want to go sit in my room in the dark with a bottle of wine, my depressing movies, music and be left alone for the day. I'm turning off all my technology devices and I don't want anyone to mess with me today, if you wouldn't mind. I need to have this break so that I can just get past this crap. It's high time that I do, even if I have to do everything I can to trigger it, I need to have it, Kale."

"Then you go do what you need to do, I will relay the message to Mason and we will let you be. If you need us you know where we will be," Kale said.

"Thank you, love you guys." I said, going to my room to start getting myself prepared to have the mental breakdown that I know is coming.

Once I arrived to my room, I closed my door locking it, and laid down on my bed turning on my sad music that puts me in my feelings so that I can reminisce on the memories that I had of and with Kane.

I missed him a lot, and I still had our pictures because I still felt like I didn't have the correct closure but that was something I needed to come to terms with.

So after getting my music turned on I quickly opened up my photo gallery on my phone and started looking at the pictures of us my heart hurting more and more. I kept scrolling through the photos hoping something would make me sad enough to atleast shed a tear or three but it wasn't working.

I threw my phone on my bed, not wanting to wait for this break but then I realized something. Maybe I was already over him, and I was just looking for some type of closure and peace within myself.

I changed the song to one of the songs that we used to dance to together in the middle of my living room at my old apartment. I turned up the song, listening to the words closely imagining Kane singing them to me, and that's when I felt a tear fall down my cheek.

How could someone live a lie the way that he did? How could someone play two people, knowing that it was going to hurt them both in the end anyway? Did he not care, because he just couldn't keep his pants zipped?

That's how things felt to me. The entire relationship was a huge lie, and it was heartbreaking because I wanted to finally find someone that understood me, yet, that person who did understand me, was married and I didn't even know about it until his best friend gave me a nice little tip.

At that point I began feeling the breakdown come on full force, the music working, and the memories swirling around in my head.

The memories that were all a lie; He just saw them as a game, and I saw them as something that I would have forever no matter the cost.

Kane broke me more than Harrison ever could; He knew what I went through, and he still did it. He still put me through it, but worse. I was the other woman. The one type of woman I despised, I became and that wasn't something I was going to get past very quickly, or very easily.

That's not something that you get just get past, overnight. I decided to text Kale and tell him to come to my room because I really needed a hug. I was hurting badly and all I wanted was someone to hold me because I needed that.

"Permission to enter?" Kale's voice rang through my room over the music.

"Permission granted." I replied. With that Kane slowly made his way through my room to me, and sat down next to me on the bed.

"Wanna talk, or do you just need a hug so you can cry it out? I'm here for whichever, and I will get you anything that you may need or want,"

"I just need a hug to cry it out for right now, please?" I replied, my voice beginning to crack. Kale took me into a tight embrace, the waterworks beginning. I knew by the end of this Kale was going to have a very wet shoulder, with eyeliner stains. Not that he minded it.

It was times like this that I wish I had Andy here with me too, but I knew Kale and Mason had my back no matter what. They were extremely supportive of me, and cared more than anyone I ever knew besides my parents of course. They were family, and nothing was changing that anytime soon.

"It's okay babe, you're going to be okay. I promise, you will get through this and you're going to find that perfect man who loves you and never wants to hurt you," 

I could only hope that Kale was right, because I was heart-broken and lonely. I definitely wasn't going to heal renting the house of the guy who broke my heart either.