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"we lost and its my fault." "no, heloise, its not your fault. it doesn't matter, please don't worry about it."
he wiped a thumb across her cheeks, taking away some of her tears. but more filled the dry spaces on her face, and she sniffled to try and calm herself.
"it is my fault. i can't forgive myself for this. i keep on losing in life and i keep hurting everyone but myself. all i've ever wanted is to disappear, i wanted to feel the pain i put others through. but im a coward."
he held both her hands, knowing she wasn't comfortable being hugged at times like this. "heloise, look at me."
he took the sides of her face in his palms, tilting her head up gently. "you don't deserve th.at, you know. you don't deserve anything you keep getting from the universe, you don't deserve what you keep giving yourself. you don't deserve to be in pain."
jeno leaned down to kiss her cheeks gently. both of them as gently as the other. the subtle affection of each butterfly kiss equally shared.
her breaths were barely there. she was struggling to get each one out.
"im sorry, jeno, you don't understand. i don't deserve anything. not you, or sena or jaemin or anyone. all i deserve..."
she walked out to the edge of the platform, where the train was slowly but surely getting closer.
panic rose in his throat like a tsunami, what was she going to do?
"all i deserve, is this..."
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