HeartBLOOD

Chapter thirty-five

It was a weird feeling, standing there. The priest in the front moved his lips and gestured, he most probably was talking, if only Alec would have heard a word he said. He has lost track of time, it felt like he had been at the funeral for days, but it couldn't have been more than half an hour. Simon's coffin was plain light wood, a little bird engraved on top of it. It was a pretty coffin, but not the type of coffin you would want to bury your friend in. There is no coffin to bury a friend in. As much as he tried to, Alec couldn't concentrate. Cold with grief and numbed with medication, all he did was stand and stare at the priest holding the speech he had no capacities to hear. As if his eyes had been magnified, he stared at the coffin and thought about the corpse of the person that laid in there. He had never been religious, never been spiritual, but in this moment he prayed that there was a god that would free his soul and let it wander, let it wander the world before it could rest in peace. To bury a friend, that was unlike anything he had ever experienced. He felt lost. The world seemed different without Simon in it. The spark was gone. All he did was stand and hope when there was nothing to hope for. Suddenly, a certain tension arose- they were putting the grave down, down into the ground, down into the hole. Then he called Simon's parents to the front to hold a speech- Alec couldn't listen. He was burying his friend but the facial expression of his mother and his father took him right back to the day he buried his little brother, the boy that was more a son to him than he ever was to his parents. Trying not to listen, he looked around the guests- everyone was here. The students, the coaches, friends and family. But somehow, all of them were alone. Everyone stood by themselves, each buried under their own grief. The next moment that made him wake up from that trance-like feeling was Isabelle walking to the front. Her lower lip trembled as she scanned the room. It felt like he was disconnected from reality, watching his younger sister through glass, like all of this was a stupid, fucked up game that he wish he wouldn't have played. Time was going by fast, it felt like he had been here for seconds even though it has been hours. This didn't feel real. "Simon was a bird set free to fly way before his time." Alec blinked. Funeral, people in suits, coffin, Simon, Isabelle. Isabelle. "All we can do is hope that he is now set free.", she said, pulling Alec back into consciousness. "Simon was a son, a student, a friend and a lover. The love he gave to all the people surrounding him, the unconditional loyalty he gave to me- those are things we cannot give back to him, no matter how much we wish we could. But instead,", she sobbed and turned to the grave, kneeing down next to it before she let the white rose she carried with her slip out of her fingers and fall onto the coffin, "Instead, I'll dream of you." Gasping for air, she put both her hands down and dug her fingers into the dirt. Hot tears came running down her face, one by one dropping into the coffin containing the body of a man she used to call hers. Whispers begun to run through the guests but Isabelle didn't seem to hear, all she did was shake and cry and try to breathe. It was only now he realized Raphael was persistently staring at him: "Go!", he whispered and Alec darted to the front, slowly becoming aware of the situation. "Izzy!", she whispered as he knelt next to her, ruining the fabric of his suit with mud. "i can't-", her voice broke as she grasped for air. "Pshhht, it's okay. It's okay.", Alec tried calming her, grabbing her under the shoulders and helping her up. In her trembling hands, she held the microphone. "Simon Lewis was a person worth breaking down next to the grave for.", he started, not having a single clue where this was going. All he knew was that one of his best friends was in the grave next to him, and that his little sister was leaning heavy against his side, holding on tightly to the arm he had wrapped around her, "He was the type of friend you'd call when spontaneously getting a date and being in need for someone to fill in at your job for you. He is the type of friend you'd trust with your engagement ring because you're scared your significant other might find it before the big moment. Being there for someone, being reliable, being loyal- Simon was all of those things, al of those and so much more. The guy had a heart of gold and a mind of glass, clear, sharp but always transparent, always honest, always truthful. I don't believe that there are entirely good and entirely bad people, but for every rule, there must be one exception. Simon Lewis was mine. I'd wish everyone a friend as good as Simon and I, as well as everyone attending today should be grateful to have had him in our lives and be able to carry him with us in our hearts forever. It was my honor to witness the miracle of pure good that we call Simon and it is my privilege to say he was my friend. The best friend someone could wish for, the friend everyone needs but none of us deserves. Thank you." Under silent applause he walked down the hill, making sure Isabelle wasn't slipping. Everything seemed clear now, as if the fog in his heart and the smoke in his mind that has been in there ever since he heard about his loss had been lifted to reveal what's underneath the numbness he had felt- gratitude covered in golden coats of grief.