HeartBLOOD

Chapter fifteen

"Come on in!", Valentine said as all the seniors gathered in front of their training room. It was their big day- Nutcracker auditions. Alec and Magnus still hadn't properly talked and forgiven each other, instead both buried themselves in their work and preparations for the auditions- they wanted to land a lead role after all. "All of you will watch each other perform and their auditions, because not only do you need to be able to dance well yourself, you also need to be able to judge other dancers. That's why this year, whoever lands the solo role gets to choose their alternate from our pre-picks." A murmur went through the students- this could destroy friendships, they all knew that. It seemed as if whoever came up with these rules knew exactly how to fuel all pre-existing flames and create conflicts. One could assume, they didn't want peace among the dancers. Maybe this was another weird way of trying to make everyone comfortable with the idea of soon having to choose the job over their friends. NYABM has always been competitive, but it felt like it was getting progressively worse. "Plus, to spice things up, you will audition on the stage and we have year one and two watch you- they can all learn from it.", Valentine finished. That was less of an issue, to Alec at least. He knew from experience that he performed better when he had the pressure of an audience weighing onto him, so it might actually come in handy. Looking around he saw Maia nervously picking the skin around her nails. "Hey, it'll be alright!", he whispered. "How are you so chill about this? I'm losing it, and i didn't need any extra pressure.", she replied. "We trained a lot-", Alec said, "We gave it our all. It'll be just fine." He couldn't help but wander off to what had happened between Magnus and him. Maybe this was why he wasn't too stressed about the audition- he knew he had bigger things going on. "It's our last official performance with NYABM, Nutcracker is my favorite ballet and dancing the Sugar Plum Fairy on a big stage has been my dream ever since I started with Ballet." Usually, it was Alec who was all nerves and Maia was the optimistic one. By that, one could tell this mattered to her. "Well, then today is the day you'll get an essential step closer to turning that dream into reality.", Alec smirked and gave her a hug before they walked into the room. To his surprise, quite a few students were there already. Smiling, he noticed that Julian and Emma had secured themselves a seat close to the stage. Waving, Alec passed them by and made his way backstage, ready to warm up. He already wore his tights and shirt and wore sweatpants on top, as it was quite chilly outside. That was his favorite part about winter- one could finally wear warmup clothes all day and not feel like their intestines were being cooked. Stretching, he looked around the room. Magnus was across the room, warming up with his headphones on. To his relief, Camille was nowhere close. It felt like something had stung his heart- he had promised himself he wouldn't be that person. He never wanted to. Instead, he had promised himself he wasn't going to get jealous, and for the past two years, he never had. He needed to admit though, over the past two years there had never been a cheating-threat. Now that he thought about it, he realized how stupid it sounded. Alec knew he needed to apologize- after all, all Magnus tried to do was do the right thing. Somehow, it never seemed to work out for them. Biting his lip, he peeled his gaze off of his boyfriend and concentrated back on himself. Now was not the time to think through his relationship drama.

Alec had a flashback of when he first got in touch with all of this- that time he auditioned for NYABM. When he had first met Simon, reading a computer magazine, and Raphael. It felt the exact same, but also so different. So much has changed, though all of them were in that same room again, warming up, excited to see who would be good enough and who wouldn't. He remembered the day is if it was yesterday, and the nostalgia sent shivers down his spine. He was a different person, then. All of them were. From the corner of his eye he saw Camille getting called outside for her audition, meaning they started with the dancers who technically were in their fourth year. Swallowing hard, Alec walked to Magnus- he felt bad, suddenly. He stayed for him, Magnus could have graduated, but he didn't- just for Alec. And now he was not going to go and wish him good luck? Absolutely not. "Hey, Mags.", he approached. Magnus had but away his headphones by now, but still seemed focused. "Now is not the right time, Alec. I'm next.", he said, completely cold. Alec winced- he had never seen Magnus so hurt and cold. But, it was probably how Magnus fwlt every time ALec pushed him away himself. Swallowing hard and collecting all the courage he had left, he took Magnus' hand. "I'm sorry, Magnus.", he said, "I mean it. I have never needed to apologize to anyone more than I need to apologize to you now." Suddenly, the room got silent- everyone wanted to know what was happening, but Alec didn't care. Magnus and him weren't too public with their relationship and maybe this was the grand gesture Magnus needed. "I love you, Magnus.", he said, pouring his heart out to everyone listening, "And I can't lose you. I don't care what we go through, I don't care what other crap is going to happen to us- all I care about is you. And I can't let you go out there knowing I haven't been there for you, not even once. I don't expect you to forgive me, but please accept me wishing you good luck. Not that you need it, but I need to say it, because I mean it. Good luck, Magnus." "Thank you.", Magnus smiled and brushed Alec's lips with his before walking out, onto the stage. "Damn, Lightwood. I never knew you had it in you to be such a softie.", Jonathan joked. "At least I have something worth being a softie for.", Alec smiled and walked back to his spot, not being able to control the smile on his face.