HeartBLOOD

Chapter sixty-five

Whatever happens, youll always have a home here.

Alec kept on reading the message Cat had sent him last night: She said she appreciated him as a coworker, and she even asked him whether hed coach during the summer intensives at BDA, but he couldnt reply because he always got caught up on that last phrase.

It was a rainy summer night and Alec was walking home from the small competition afterparty Cat and him had decided to throw for all of the students and their parents- they had decorated BDA with balloons and bought cake and confetti to celebrate. Needing to get some proper sleep before his senior performance, he had decided to leave before the party was over- luckily, Cat had offered to take on the cleaning process by herself.

The streets were empty, the dark blue skies uneasy with storms, dragging big, black, heavy thunderclouds across New York, wetting the concrete with hot rain, soaking Alecs hoodie, concealing the tear making its way down his face.

Usually, during weather like this, he would have tried to run home- he hated the rain. But Alec didnt feel like running.

With a sigh, he pulled his hood out of his face, the rain mercilessly coming down onto his head, making its way through his hair all the way down to his scalp, whilst all he did was hope that the rain would break through his skull and wash away all the thoughts from inside his brain, too.

Maddie had kept her chin up during the performance.

Maybe he had made some sort of change, after all.

Images flooded his head, blurring his vision, his fingers curling into fists- this was not where he had thought hed be.

It felt like his life was slipping out of his control, like water through his fingers, his hands cramping from trying to hold on to it.

So many times, he had felt paralyzed, numb, almost dead. But this was unlike anything he had ever experienced- it was like he was caught in this big messy cloud, and he knew there had to be some sort of light coming into it, but he just couldnt find the hole. He couldnt find the hole through which to crawl out of his own misery.

And when the lightning hit the skyscraper, it struck him, too.

Maybe the path he had carved out for himself wasnt the path he was destined to go. Maybe the thing he had always wanted had just been a glamoured illusion to guide him right to where he was today.

Maybe that dream of the big stages had just been a tool to put him into rainy New York on a day where he would have much rather just snuggled up against a blanket and cried.

But he couldnt cry, he had been needed at the afterparty, and as much as he had needed to fight the urge to turn around and not go, seeing Vicky smile as he walked in made his heart start beating again. It was as if someone had restarted it, saved him from death.

Those little champions had saved him, and they had no idea.

Whatever happens, youll always have a home here.

Maybe it was time for him to come home? After all those years praying and begging and hoping to be at a place where he felt safe, maybe it had always been right in front of him.

But still, he couldnt say goodbye to the dream. Because he wondered, if that dream had already taken him so far, could this really be it? Couldnt there be more? For it was hard to come to terms with fate when he didnt know what else was out there for him.

He remembered walking to meet Isabelle in a café on that fateful day almost three years ago, the day she told him he had gotten an invitation to the NYABM auditions. He believed, it had been raining that day, too. And through the rain, he remembered thinking about taking a leap of faith, he remembered trusting life and trusting himself. And suddenly, he realized where that trust had gone.

As he had faced his first struggles with Valentine and Jonathan, he had set himself up for failure by being so sure it was going to turn out okay. And when he had gotten injured, he had thought hed recover in the blink of an eye, but he messed up because he had falsefully trusted his body.

Then next year, Magnus was the one to betray his trust.

And this year, he had trusted NYABM. Then the universe failed him, too.

All of a sudden, he felt like a silhouette of the person he used to be- he had forgiven Magnus, he had accepted Jonathan and he had moved on from the fire. But the only thing he couldnt let go of were his own mistakes- and it was time to grow up and face what he dreaded.

Hi, can I speak to Dr. Zachariah, please?, Alec spoke into his phone as he turned around to walk back to BDA- he was taking matters into his own hands.

Hi, Mister Lightwood!, a friendly and familiar voice echoed out of the speaker a few seconds later.

Hi- I was wondering whether it was possible for me to schedule my meniscal reconstruction surgery?, Alec asked coldly, striking his wet hair out of his face.

To his surprise, his voice didnt tremble.

Of course it is., the doctor replied softly, the words crisp and sharp as glass, I can book one for next week? June 4th?

Thank you., Alec smiled bitterly- June 4th, huh? That was the day hed restart. That was the day hed get a chance at being a better version of himself. That was the day hed correct his mistakes and start over again, do better than last time, the bag with everything he had learned heavy in his hand.

***

Oh my, Alec, are you okay?, Maddies mother exclaimed as he walked into BDA, dripping wet.

Yeah- I just have to talk to Cat., he answered, forcing on a smile- he looked tragic, he thought. He felt tragic, too.

Alec!, Cat gasped, walking out of the training room just in the right moment.

Its raining outside., Alec awkwardly stated the obvious, Actually, I came back to talk to you for a second.

Sure., Cat frowned, walking into the office, offering Alec a seat which he declined, trying not to wet her furniture.

You know you could have texted me, right?, she chuckled, hoping to lighten the atmosphere.

I need to say stuff I cant text., Alec swallowed, any trace of confidence leaving his body, I need to thank you, Cat, for giving me the security I needed in order to do what Im about to do. On my way home, I scheduled my surgery. So, as you were asking earlier, no- I wont be available as a coach for summer intensives. But Ill be back in fall. Hopefully, fully back.

Oh, Alec., Cat whispered, wrapping her arms around his freezing stiff body like a mother would do to her son, making him feel like for once, he was going to do what was right. For once, he was going to get the closure he deserved.