HeartBLOOD

Chapter nine

"The photoshoot is tomorrow, don't forget that!", Magnus said as they got out of their dorm room on their way to downstairs to get some food. "I wish I could forget.", Alec sighed and locked their door. He was stressed- he did not manage to get as much exercise in as he wanted to and even though he looked quite toned, he knew he used to have better shape. Alec was barely insecure about his body but over the past years he found more and more things to criticize. He knew it was just his perfectionism speaking, but considering the fact he hated to take pictures of himself anyways, this photoshoot was not what he needed. They had been back at NYABM for barely three weeks but it already felt like infinity- the cool autumn breeze made him miss summer. The only thing exciting him was thinking about the Nutcracker recital- that meant they'd at least get to do some actual ballet and not mainly toning and conditioning. "You do know we will have to shave you, right?", Magnus asked and Alec whirled around, in shock. "Tell me you're kidding.", he said. So far, body hair had never been a problem- they all were required to remove facial hair but so far, nobody had ever forced a dancer to shave. "For the application photos they just make you wear nude spandex so you'll be pretty exposed. Leg hair isn't a problem but last year they made Ragnor shave his chest and his armpits because he also has heavy body hair.", Magnus replied and Alec rolled his eyes- this was such a typical NYABM move- everything for the aesthetic. He had no problem with shaving his chest, it was just adding up to the fake image that was going to be created with this shoot. "Did you guys talk about shaving?", Maia asked and joined them in the hallway. "Yes, apparently my chest and armpit hair has to go for the shoot.", Alec sighed and walked towards the stairs. "We can wax it. I'll have to wax Simon and Raphael so you can just join them after classes?", Maia offered and Alec nodded:" Thanks. It doesn't seem as if there is a way around it anyways." Holding on to the handrail he followed Maia and Magnus down the stairs to the cafeteria as his knee twitched in pain. Shock overwhelmed him and he could punch himself for it- this was exactly what he meant when he said he was scared. He knew this was normal, even a doctor confirmed it to him. But that was the aftermath- every time he felt anything, he got scared. He felt so terrified, he froze. "Alec?", Maia asked as she noticed he had stopped walking. "Coming!", he replied and saw the confusion on her face as she turned around and entered the cafeteria. "You're fine.", he whispered, "It is all going to be fine." Over summer he had read studies that said that sometimes, the psychological effects of an injury resulted to be as bad as the injury itself. His heart was racing- he had felt like this before. Alec felt his hands shake and he had no control over it- but the worst part was that he knew this was all just fear. None of this was real. Somehow, every time he felt something slightly wrong he always started to panic- it was as if his whole career flashed before his eyes. Alec was a grounded man- he liked to think before making up any worst case scenarios. Against everything of Alec's being, there was nothing rational about the way he felt right now. His hand grasped around the handrail he made his way downstairs. "See- you're fine.", he made fun of himself, feeling even more pathetic than right after the accident. At least back then, he actually had something to complain about. At least there had been a real problem.

"Finally! Where have you been? We thought we lost you on those stairs.", Magnus laughed as Alec walked into the cafeteria a few minutes after them. "I got a text from Isabelle I needed to reply to.", he lied and smiled weak. "You look pale- even paler than usually. Are you okay?", Maia wondered and Alec nodded hastily:" Yeah, just tired and hungry." With a quick smile he excused himself and leaded some food onto his plate. Actually, he wasn't hungry at all. All he wanted was to go upstairs and take a nap. Not even listening to Magnus' and Maia's conversation he swallowed his food and cleaned his mouth- then his gaze wandered off of his place and across the room. It was quite crowded which was typical for this time of day- after all, all students had their lunch break now which made it quite obvious that they all were going to be here. He remembered the first day, how excited everyone seemed. Now that he looked around, he couldn't help but notice all of that previous energy being gone. That day, it felt as if the air was electrified. There still was friendly chatter and even laughter all throughout the room, but the energy was not the same anymore. It was sad to see that it took them only three weeks to already wear out the new students. The fantasy of NYABM being a fairytale had vanished from all their minds- they have hit reality. And all of them knew that those were going to be the best and worst years of their lives.
"Alec?", Magnus asked and ripped his boyfriend out of his thoughts. "Yes, sorry, my mind wandered off.", He replied. "A trip down memory lane?", Maia asked which upon he nodded. "I get it.", She smirked, "I mean look at all those faces. It feels as if it was yesterday when we were the newbies, surrounded by all those people who seemed to have a clue about what they were doing." "Well, y'all were wrong.", Magnus laughed. "I figured.", Alec sighed and emptied his water- it was time to go.