The Heart Wants What it Wants

Chapter 12: Happiness Does Not Come Easily

Chapter 12: Happiness Does Not Come Easily

Meredith dutifully kept an eye on Beatrice until Cristina came to get her then she and Sonia went to work. There were more open wounds to suture and a broken finger to splint. All in all it had been a rather slow day, which she did not mind, especially because she had Sonia with her. The woman kept on praising Meredith every chance she got, which made Meredith happy and a bit proud of her techniques. Even if suturing and splinting were not overly complicated things to do, she was still proud.

"Sonia, would you want me to call your daughter? I could try and get her here." Meredith offered.

"That's sweet but she wants nothing to do with me. I wasn't as nice as I am right now when she was growing up. I used to say awful things to her. I wanted her to be tough. We had always been alone. I have no family and her father left when he found out I was pregnant." Sonia explained, her eyes showing the sadness and guilt within. "I was too hard on her and sometimes too cruel. I tried to make it up to her but then I started forgetting and the forgetting got worse. She didn't want to take care of me, which I understand. I do wish I'd had more time." She finished.

"I'm sorry." Meredith squeezed her hand.

She could not help but wonder if her mother would be like this if her lucid spells were longer. If Ellis had time to reflect on things, would that make her a better mother? Somehow she doubted that.

"But Meredith, you did nothing. No need to apologize. Besides, soon I'll be back in my own world. It won't hurt then." Sonia smiled sadly and it broke Meredith's heart.

"You know, when we get the next rotation I'll have a long break since I have the late lunch today. I'll take you on a tour. It'll be great." Meredith tried to smile despite the pain she felt and Sonia nodded.

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Meredith was all smiles and laughter as she and Sonia sat at the counter talking about anything and everything, trying to give the older woman some normalcy. The next rotation came and that meant the awaited break came along too. Meredith took Sonia for the tour, showing her the locker rooms first and then their usual hangout spot in the tunnels, where she made her laugh telling her about all the gossip that went on there. She then showed her where the O.R.s were, Bailey almost bit her head off but thanks to Sonia she calmed down. They were walking on the bridge when Meredith spotted Derek on the floor below so she urged Sonia to walk faster.

"Why are you hiding from that man?" Sonia asked as they made it back to the hallway.

"Because I need to tell him I no longer have feelings for him and I don't want to yet. I don't want to deal with that mess." Meredith groaned.

"He seems handsome. What happened? And why would it be a mess?" Sonia asked as they walked.

"Well he kinda hurt me. We were in a relationship and his wife showed up. I had no idea he was married. I was stupid and begged him to leave her but he didn't, which I don't blame him for. She is amazing. She's smart, kind, and beautiful." Meredith said with a silly smile appearing on her face. Sonia smiled at her expression but remained quiet. "Anyway he stayed with her and I tried moving on and he called me a whore. He's too full of himself. Thinks the world revolves around him. His ego knows no bounds. He enjoys the chase I guess. Wants everyone to want him."

"Sounds pretty narcissistic." Sonia chuckled a bit.

"Exactly. Anyway his wife divorced him, which I'm so proud of her for doing that. She deserves better than someone so selfish and self centered." Meredith had never said these things out loud before and as she went she kept on getting mad at herself for not seeing any of it sooner.