The Broken Raven - A Paradox Of Two Worlds Series Book 1

Chapter 31 -Clay

Six weeks have passed since our last face-to-face contact. I would always leave her a message or a rose by her bedside before she woke up in the morning. As Logan advised, I haven't spoken to her directly and have instead given her some space. I can't see the environment I'm in because all I can see is her, yet she hasn't responded to anything I've done. I even sent her a letter last week, but nothing. I suppose we shouldn't see each other since she would loathe me if she knew how I've been acting since she left.

I would wake up in the middle of the night because this is too much for me to handle. I believed that my heart could never break. I realise now, that was a grave mistake. When she left my life, my heart ached. In this sense, I don't want to need or miss her. My days are busy, but at night, when all is calm, her image burns in my head, making me long for her presence. She should be here, but she's not.

This is the cruellest way to fall in love. She left me, and I broke down. Watching her leave is ripping me to pieces. When I last saw her, there was something unusual about her eyes; the brilliance had diminished. Her eyes used to be so bright.

She hasn't come to any parties; she's probably too busy with her new boyfriend. I've seen her around campus with this guy. Brie says they're just friends, but who would only want to be friends with her unless he is blind? I told myself I would change for her and be better for her, but she didn't care; she moved on, and so have I.

Since she has been gone, I have slowly returned to my old ways—different girls every night, including Sloane, and drinking fresh from humans. I don't need Raven in my life; being cruel once more suits me just fine.

⁂

Today is Friday. I considered what else I could do as I lay in bed with my arm behind my head. I would sacrifice anything for her, and all I ask is for another chance. I am aware that Logan has stated that she needs this time to come to her own conclusions, but my ego gets the better of me, and I start to question why I can't be there to support her through whatever is happening.

I get up when Logan yells, we have to get to class. I grab my book bag and head to my car. I throw my bag in and start the engine. I sit in the parking lot and watch as she walks across the courtyard. I close my eyes; no matter what I do, she is all I see. I think back to everything I have done these past few weeks, and I regret everything I have done.

⁂

I leave my last class and head towards my car, seeing her. She's talking to that guy. I can feel myself getting red with anger when Logan walks up behind me.

"Hey, man," he says.

"What's that kid's name again?"

He looks over at Raven. "That's Zack. We already told you he is just a friend." I start to get angry again. Why does this woman have so much control over how I feel? "Dude, you're bleeding." I look at Logan and down at my hand. I've cut my palms with how tight I gripped my fists.

"Just let her do her thing." Logan looks at me. I take a deep breath. "Fine."

I walk to my car door and look over at her once more. She's laughing and smiling, and she seems genuinely happy. For a moment, I think she might come back once she has everything figured out. That changed instantly when I saw Zack lean over and kiss her cheek. My emotions take over; she's mine. I should be the one kissing her, not him or anyone else.

I retort angrily, "You know what, I've given her all the space she needs; I've been feeling like shit these past few weeks while she's been out here not giving a damn about me or how I feel; I don't want her to be happy until it's with me, I want her to be miserable just like I am."

Logan shakes his head and gets in his car as I get in mine. I grip the steering wheel, my anger taking over. I swore I wouldn't hurt her, but she has no problem hurting me. I gave this girl my heart; she ripped it out of my chest and threw it away. This is the reason I don't love. Love only leads to pain and heartbreak.

I pull up to the house and head upstairs, slamming my door behind me. How the fuck does she go and say she needs some space and has some other guy always around her? Is she purposely trying to hurt me?

I lay back in my bed and think of everything she has said and done.

This was her game the whole time.

I lay there thinking of when Brie asked me if it was okay for Raven to come over. Logan was going to barbeque and just chill. I told her it was fine and that I would find something to do to keep myself occupied.

—As I stood outside beneath the hood of my car, the sun was shining brightly. I turn to look as I hear footsteps and see Raven. My eyes fix on hers, and it takes everything I have to resist approaching her. However, she catches me off guard before entering.—

I close my eyes and listen to my own heartbeat. I take a deep breath and try to calm my racing thoughts. But my mind keeps drifting back to the image of her. I miss her smile, her laugh, and the late nights holding her in my arms as we talked. I know I need to move on, but it's hard to let go of someone who meant so much to me.