The Broken Raven - A Paradox Of Two Worlds Series Book 1

Chapter 32 - Raven

Thankfully for Zack, I've been able to avoid thinking about Clay for the past six weeks, except at night when I close my eyes and all I see is him. I've never experienced anything like what we had, which was thrilling. However, anything between us was wrong – just the right kind of wrong. Most of my nights have been spent considering how I may have shown more courage. I've suppressed and ignored my feelings for him. Up until I saw him today, I believed I could go back to who I was before meeting him. Despite my best efforts to suppress them, my emotions suddenly came flooding back. I shouldn't love him, I know that.

I know Logan and Brie told him to give me space, but he would leave something by my bedside every morning. How could I not love his gestures? This is a side of him I didn't think I would see, but going through so much, I thought it was best to let him move on until he left me that letter. Since then, he has stopped any means of trying to get my attention, so I figured he did move on. I don't blame him, but it stings. The letter gets me through my days, and today isn't any different. I grab it from my bedside and open it up.

Dear Raven,

I'm not good at saying how I feel, so I thought writing it down would be better, so here it goes. There are so many questions deep inside my heart. Without your love, I'd be half a man. Maybe one day you will understand how I feel. What can I say so that you can see that love has a meaning when you are here with me? Standing alone in my cold reality, I'm searching for words to make you see that my love is real. When I open my eyes, your face is what I want to see. I can't begin to explain how you make me feel inside, but you complete me. This is no ordinary love. Yes, I said love because that is what I genuinely feel for you. I love you more than anything. You're my everything! Baby, I promise to give you what you want and need. I would fall apart without you, but I need to know if you still wish to be with me. Now that you're gone, you're all that I want. I miss that damn smile. I don't care how much you fight me on this, but I know what we have is right. I thought I could be stronger than this and not lose my mind, that I would be able to control how I feel. The fear of losing you won't go away. It just keeps getting closer as the weeks go by. In all honesty, I wish I didn't need you so bad, but your face won't leave my mind. No one else will ever take your place. I loved waking up to your head on my shoulder. I miss your laugh. Every night I have thought about you ever since you said goodbye. I understand why you did what you did, but I will do anything to set things right. I'm begging you to try again, so I'm asking: could you open up your heart once again? Mines waiting.

Love C

Knock knock

"Come in!" I shout, putting the letter away quickly. Brie walks in with coffee in hand. "How's your training coming along?" she asks.

"I'm tired, between school and this," I say, pointing to the grimoire. "But Mr. Michaels said I've learned everything I'm supposed to know." I take a deep breath. "Plus, the last two symbols have shown up."

"Oh, let me see," she says with excitement.

I lift the back of my shirt up as she sees flames line across the other two tattoos running down my shoulder blade. "Where's the fourth one?"

I turn to look at her and whisper,

"Ostende te"

I wave my hand as a long, snake-like tattoo shows itself from the side of my neck down to my spine.

"That's so cool." She says, admiring the intricate design.

"Yeah," I quietly say.

"What's wrong?" She asks, noticing the sadness in my eyes.

"I miss him." I look down, hugging the bear he got me. It smells just like him.

"Miss Raven, are you telling me that he got to your cold heart?" She says, holding back her laughter.

"Shut up," I say, throwing the pillow at her.

"No, but seriously, you felt something for him? Like this isn't one of your games? You truly fell for him?" Curiosity covers her face with a smirk.

She's just as surprised as I am. "Wow, I was thinking the dates and all were just part of your game, but I'm glad that it wasn't." Then she sighs.

"What?" I was afraid of her answer.

"You have been so busy having Zack as your decoy to stay away from Clay and trying to figure out everything that I thought maybe you would be okay to be around everyone, including Clay, again. Can you control your powers now?" I nod. "So it's settled, you're coming to the party tonight at the boys' house."

"What, No!" I practically yell at her.

"Why not?" I feel my anxiety rise as she questions me.

"I don't think I could stand watching Sloane all over him. I can control my powers, but who says my emotions won't take over, and I light her ass on fire?"

Brie starts laughing. "Now, that would make the party even more fun."

She convinces me that I can do this, let loose, and have fun. I reluctantly agree and get ready. I jump in the shower and think of the last time I spoke to him.

—Brie had invited me over for a barbeque, and I agreed. She assured me that Clay wouldn't be around.

As I made my way up the driveway, I saw him. Basketball shorts, and I can see the tip of his boxers. No shirt , and a black fitted hat, placed backwards. The sun shines on him, and his skin glistens from the sweat. He looks up at me, and our eyes lock. My heart flutters at the amazing body standing right in front of me. I move towards him, unable to stop my feet. A smile creeps up on his face as I press my lips against his. For a split second, the whole world stops. His hand was placed on my lower back, and mine on his chest. I pull away, breathing heavily.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that." I turned around and ran inside. I closed the door behind me and placed my head on the back of the door. What did I just do? —

I finally step out and get dressed. I walk out to the living room to see Brie and Logan sitting on the couch.

"Wow!" is all Logan can say.

Brie adds, "Damn girl, I thought you wanted the guy to want you, not to give him a heart attack."

"Is it too much?" Looking at myself in the oversized mirror hanging on the wall. The white leather mini skirt and the matching leather crop top hug my curves in the right places. My hair is up in a sleek ponytail, and I am wearing black wedge heels.

"No, it's perfect!" They both say in unison.

⁂

As we approach the house, Brie and Logan both remind me to keep calm no matter what Clay does and that we don't need my secret getting out.

"I'm just here to let loose," I say with a smirk.

"That's my girl!" Brie exclaims. I get out of the car and head towards the door. I take a deep breath.

Here I go. Time to face the music.