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Final Class

"... We all have these experiences and moments that'll stay with us for life. Congratulations my fellow graduates, may we always be friends when we meet again" I ended my commencement speech with a genuine smile. Pagkababa ko ng stage ay sinalubong ako ng mga pagbati mula sa mga classmates ko.

"Sotsugyou omedetou gozaimasu"

"Congratulations"

"Sotsugyou omedetou" I smiled while holding a roll of paper, proof of my hardwork.

"Siren! Congratulations!" napatingin ako kay Kath, she's also a Filipino studying here in Japan.

"Congratulations, Kath" mahina akong natawa nang bigla ako nitong yakapin.

"You're amazing, Siren"

Isang ngiti lang ang sinagot ko. Bahagya siyang lumayo at tumingala sakin. I'm few inch taller than her.

"Do you have plans today?"

"Maybe rest for the whole day" wala naman kasi akong plano ngayon.

"Medyo nakakalungkot lang no? Hindi natin kasama ang pamilya natin sa mahalagang araw na'to" she said emotionally.

"Ayaw mo ba talagang sumama samin mag ramen?" she asked.

"Gusto ko munang magpahinga, I'll join you guys next time"

"Sige, sabi mo yan ah wala ng bawian"

Natatawang tumango ako. Nagpaalam na ako sa kanya at lumabas ng university. Mas pinili ko ang maglakad dahil malapit lang naman ang apartment na tinutuluyan ko. Napahawak ako sa scarf at bahagyang tinaas malapit sa labi. I stopped from walking and stared at the cherry blossom trees in the sidewalk. The leaves are dramatically falling from its branch. I lightly closed my eyes and stayed at my feet for few seconds. Inayos ko ang scraf at bumalik sa paglalakad. I rubbed my palms together to somehow lessen the coldness. Small fogs came out from my mouth. It's unexpectedly cold today.

I took something from my pocket. Muli akong napabuga ng hangin at napatingin sa kapirasong papel. The one she gave me four years ago.

Before she left.

I'm sorry if I lied to you. Walang nangyaring operation because the doctor found out na my heart is too weak to handle that, what I need is a heart transplant. Mom found a donor in State, I need the operation as soon as possible, Sam. I'm too scared to tell you everything. I'm sorry for not telling na sa mismong graduation ang alis ko. I'm afraid na biglang magbago ang isip ko, I'm afraid to see myself begging to you to stop me or to come with me. That's the last thing I want to happen. You're an achiever, you need to pursue your dreams while I need to go to State for my treatment.

Hindi ko alam kung gaano katagal kami sa State. Don't worry, I don't have plans of running away from you again, baka isang araw magulat ka na lang kumakatok na ako sa pinto ng bahay nyo.

Wala akong ideya sa maaaring mangyari. I'm scared. I have a lot of what ifs, it's starting to become my nightmares.

If one of this day you realize that you don't love me anymore, it's fine. If you get tired of waiting, it's fine, you can rest. If you happen to love someone other than me, it's fine too, just promise me na ako ang una mong sasabihan.

Please don't get me wrong.

It doesn't mean I'll let you go easily, I just want you to not be afraid to try new things without me. The world is bigger than we thought, it consists of more colors, explore it, Sam.

Matagal ko nang tinapon ang planong binuo ko noon, sa pagbalik ko can you help me to make a new one? We can keep it simple, like mornings in each other arms or baking cookies during holidays. Anything will do, basta kasama ka.