The Rebound

Joseph

Yeah who woulda known I'd be in the same place as my mother. Dying from the same disease. I felt at one with it. Knowing my fate. It was sealed. Nicole. She doesn't deserve that type of news. Not after what we want. Kids,Marriage. Death do us part that type shit. That won't happen now. I won't let it. She won't go through that. She won't she what I saw. I FUCKING THOUGHT IT WOILD ALL END I THOUGHT MAYBE ONCE MY LIFE WILL FUCKING CALM DOWN I THOUGHT THAT WOULD BE IT FOR PAIN.

NO NOW I CAN NOT EVEN SETTLE DOWN WITH THE GIRL I FUCKING LOVE AND WANT TO DIE WITH. I CANT NOT MAKE HER WATCH ME DIE JUST LIKE I DID WITH MY MUM. I PROMISED I WOULD PROTECT HER I FAILED. I PROMISED I WOULD NEVER LEAVE NICOLES SIDE I DID I PROMISED I WOULD NEVER HURT HER YET NOW WHAT?I FUCKING FAILED LIKE I DO AT LIFE EVERYDAY. I FUCKING MAKE PROMISES I CAN NEVER KEEP. IM SO FUCKING DONE IN THIS WORLD. I CAN NOT HAVE A LIFE WITH OUT PAIN OR WORRYING ABOUT MY LAST BREATHES OR NICOLE WAKING UP TO MY CORPSE

My phone buzzed it was Jon

(Suicidal thoughts please skip if triggered)

"FUCK OFF JON"I screamed through tears. I didn't want to let go like this. I didn't want to stop fighting but my heart and my soul was dying. My fight dying. I just wanted it all to end. One simple and easy way that. One quick way Joseph and it will all be over.

"JOSEPH"I heard my name being screamed out. Fuck how. I climbed out my car and sprinted for the woods. I didn't want to be found. But I was tackled down my brother had found me. He held me to the floor.

"JOSEPH WHAT THE FUCK!"He cried

I still had the blade in my hand and Jon realised

"NO JOSEPH"Jon screamed as he stood up and stomped on my hand causing me to let go of the knife. Jon picked it up and threw it as far as he could through tears

"YOU WERE GOING TO FUCKING DO THAT TO ME!"Jon screamed at me

"YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND. I FUCKING TOOK YOU IN YOU HAVE NOT LIVED MY PAIN JON NOW THIS FUCKING LEUKAEMIA WHAT THE FUCK IS THERE FOR ME! TO DIE LIKE
MY MOTHER TO MAKE NICOLE AND MATEO GO THROUGH THAT?!"I screamed

"HOW ARE YOU GOING TO FIX THAT BY KILLING YOURSELF?! SHE FUCKING LOVES YOU AND NEEDS YOU YOU CAN STILL FUCKING KEEP THE PROMISE JOSEPH!

"NO TELL ME WHY?"I screamed

"SHE IS FUCKING PREGNANT THAT IS FUCKING WHY SHE WAS SO FUCKING SCARED ABOUT YOU AND WORRYING ABOUT IF YOU LEFT HER BECAUSE YOU FOUND HER TEST. SHE WAS CRYING ON THE PHONE TO ME JOSEPH! SHE IS CARRYING YOUR CHILD. SHE FUCKING LOVES YOU WE ALL DO WHY CAN YOU NOT SEE IT!"

"CAUSE I AM DYING IM FUCKING SCARED. I AM A HUMAN I AM ALLOWED TO BE"I screamed

I was loosing it. My pain fading to anger. My tears fading to heavy breathing. My heart being replaced by fury.

"THEN TELL HER THEN. SHE WOULD BE THERE FOR YOU AND YOU KNOW IT. YOU NEVER LOVED HER IF YOU WERE WILLING TO DO THIS!

"DONT YOU DARE TEST ME THERE JONATHAN I AM FUCKING WARNING YOU DO NOT SAY I NEVER LOVED NICOLE. YOU KNOW I LOVE THAT WOMAN SHE IS MY WORLD!"

"THEN FUCKING GO HOME JOSEPH BE WITH HER FUCKING RAISE YOUR CHILD WITH HER DONT FUCKING END YOUR LIFE FOR THIS. PLEASE UCE I NEED YOU. I LOVE YOU. IF I LOSE YOU ILL FUCKING LOSE IT WE ALL WILL LEATI!"

Hearing my old name snapped me back into reality. What was I doing? I was going against everything my mom taught me. I wasn't fighting the battle. I gave up. I looked at Jon before I felt light headed and the world was spinning.

"JOSEPHHHHH!"I heard him screamed before I slammed the ground. I looked to find blood pooling around my mouth.

"Shit Uce stay with me"

Jon became blurry and I couldn't see anything.

"Look after them for me"I said before passing out. The world became peaceful the world resting. My mind finally at ease. My heart gave out. My breathing slower till non existent. The exhausted body and mind fell silent. His breathing no more his pulse no more