The Rebound

Joseph

That was super awkward considering I almost slipped up about me and my feelings they need to stay hidden. It's better that way. I can't hurt her. I can love her secretly. But not out loud that's when I start damaging people. I just wish I knew how to love so I didn't have to stay hidden but it's better this way she won't end up like Galina. Hurting because of me. Dead because of me. I walked into my locker room the show had finished. There was nothing to do so I just chilled in my locker room gaming on my spare PlayStation 5.

My door opened and it was Nicole

"Hey Joe sorry if it was awkward earlier"She said sitting down in the chair beside me but not exactly next to me.

"It's okay I noticed your hand"I said smiling proudly as I turned off my ps5.

"Yep no more engaged Nicole"

"Are you serious though?"

"Yes I took your advice and everyone else's I left to keep myself and mainly Mateo safe. You were right it's wasnt right for me to try and hold on putting him through that to pray for something that was never gonna change"She said sadly

"You really loved him didn't you? You don't have to answer I get it"I said softly

"I did but since Mateo was born he became this monster"

"Maybe he was jealous"

"Jealous of Mateo?"

"Yes that's why my Dad also hated me. He hated the fact he'd have to share my mother affection with another Male even if I was his blood"

"That's so disgusting"

"You don't need to get upset. It was what is was even if it wasn't pleasant I can't change the past"I said softly

"You should've went through that nobody should"She said gently

"I know"I said upset knowing she went through all the shit with him and I still let her go home to him

"Joseph what's up? It looks like something is beating you up on the inside"

"There's something Nicole"

"What is it?"

"I just can't believe I let you just walk into his arms I just let go. I acted like I didn't fucking care. I snapped to you acted like a total prick you didn't deserve that especially after what you were going through. I hate myself for all my actions towards you. Making you flashback making you scared to be in a room with me. Making you ask me. "Are you gonna hurt me Joseph" I fucking hate that. I scared you. I made you nervous I made you fear me. I'll never be able to take that back there will never be enough of 'sorry' to fix that. I broke you just like him. And people ship us and people say I'm better for you. No I'm just the same as him"I said with my head in my hands

"Joseph"

"Nicole I can't let anything that I want to tell you through because I'll just hurt you worse then him. It's what I do cause I'm scared to love and I don't know how to love I just know how to hurt someone badly. People have died because of me. I lost my daughter my first ever girl I fucking cared about because of my dumbass. If it were you and 'Teo I'd lose myself more then you'd ever understand. It would be my final straw. Fucking need you. But it's killing me at the same time"

She remained quiet and she just moved onto my sofa next to me and gave me a huge hug.

"Well at least you were honest with me Joseph"She said smiling

"I guess"

"It's never a bad thing you know?"

"It sometimes is with me"

"Will you stop beating yourself down?"

"It's my thing Nicole"

"Well stop because I hate seeing you upset because you say a lot of bullshit to yourself just to beat yourself up"

"It's the way I live I can't change that".

"Don't even try that Mr"She said folding her arms

"Okay okay I just it's my mindset ok I don't have a positive one"

"Well then that's something to improve on"She said moving away from me why did she have to move away from me?

"You okay big guy?"

"Umm yeah yeah just have something eating my Brain"I said making her smile.

"Damn should get to a doctor Mr Samoan"

"A I love you Doctor"I whispered really quietly

"Huh what did you say Anoa'i?

"Nothing don't worry"I smiled her

The room fell silent god this is so weird I feel like I'm back in high school Jesus.

"I should go"Nicole finally said breaking the silence.

"Well I'm gonna watch a movie and sleep here tonight so you can watch a movie with me if you want"I said as I started striping to my boxers

"Um Joseph I don't wanna see you know"

"Your not going too I have boxers on"

"But still can you like hide it"

"You want me to hide my dick?"

"No just put your hands on top of it until like your under the covers"

"I'll just put shorts on don't worry"I chuckled.

"No no I want you to be comfy I just-"

"It's fine don't worry"I said slipping on grey shorts.

"Happy now?"

"Yep very happy"She giggled I smiled. I walked over to my now new bed in my locker room and slipped under the covers. She took off her shoes and jacket before asking to lay next to me.

"You don't have to ask get your ass in here"I said lifting up the covers

"Okay Mrrr"she said happily as she laid onto the pillows next to me. We put on a movie we both wanted to watch The new Joker. So I put it on and we both got comfortable. But I could tell she was looking at me for some of the movie and not going to lie I'd look at her and whe she'd looked in my direction I quickly turned to the movie and she'd do the same. I was falling for this woman beside me. But I couldn't let her see it. I can't get too close but I'm failing. I know I can't let her slip away from me I need her I want her. But I can't not now not ever. I don't want no one else just her. God Damn it Joseph. Why did you have to start falling?!

I look to my right to find her falling asleep I smiled and she smiled weakly at me.

"Wanna come closer?"I asked her

"I- d-dont m-mind"She said sleepily

"Come here"I moved out the bed and scooped her up and laid her on my chest. Away from my scars though they were for me. My way of trusting someone with my heart was letting them touch those scars I wasn't ready to let a big change like that happen not now. She snuggled right into my neck and chest carefully placing her hand away from my scars. She smiled and kissed my cheek

"Goodnight Mr Samoan"

I chuckled "Goodnight my Fearless"

My fearless Nugh STOP IT JOSEPH.

She smiled before cuddling into me. I gave in to myself I wrapped my arms around her tightly and rested my head in hers it felt right. I felt like I had purpose with her. God I am in love with her. Oh Jesus. I love my fearless