No Room For Fear

XXVIII.

XXVIII. Now or Never
J U L I A
• • •
*Late Thursday*

Ezekiel kept a tight grip around my waist, it was as if he was scared to let me go, scared I'd never come back. That's absurd though because I love him, only him. If he believes I might actually turn on him and our family he's crazy. After all we've been through?

As we near the first phase of our plan I begin soaking in the details of Ezekiel. The way he walks with such stride and doesn't doubt himself, his confidence radiates off of him in such a way. His dark tousled hair flopping in that messy way it always has with every step he takes, the dim lights show off a few strands that aren't as dark as the others. His chocolate doe like eyes still hold a depth that he doesn't show anyone, I know I've thought this over a hundred times but his eyes are the window to his soul. His face is a tad slimmer then before, he now has a little bit of stubble on his chin and a light mustache. That's what I felt against my cheek when he kissed me. He still has his nose piercing, and all those rings on his hands. Most of his tattoos are on full display including the one on his right hand that he got for me, "Wish you were here" with a barbed wire design at the bottom of the writing. I unintentionally rub my finger tip across the letters, softly tracing over them.

I know this may seem crazy especially since this isn't the first time I've seen him but we spent a whole hour or so basking in each other's warmth and talking about everything that happened. I didn't realize how much his features have changed, if I hadn't taken the time now I would've never known he looked so different yet still the same.

I get so lost in thought admiring his every feature I almost forget his hand is resting on my lower back. I admittedly feel that stupidly romantic gut feeling. Butterflies fill my stomach as well as heartache.

How is it possible that not even a month or two ago I was enrolled in one of the best colleges in the country and dating my english lit teacher? Now I'm a wiccan, I have two children, twins for that matter and I'm with the love of my life who by the way isn't Drew. If I'm honest I don't think I ever truly loved Drew, I think I just liked the idea of him. Ezekiel is the only man I've ever felt completely comfortable around, with him it's like a thousand suns are about to blow up in my body.

With any other guy it was easy, just sex and no feelings but with Ezekiel it's never the same. Everything always feels so brand new with each day that passes with him. It's like waking up everyday just to find out I'm falling in love all over again. Nothing or no one has ever been so consistent in my life, besides Julian and our friends.

"Darlin' are you ready?"

I take a deep breath in and contemplate our options before realizing once again this is our only option.

Ezekiel cups my face in his palms before speaking "Hey, everything's gonna work out"

"I know" is all I can muster up,

"Shit Darlin' your crying" He uses his thumb to wipe away the remaining tears that would've stained my checks in no time.

I can't help but to see the glimmer in his eyes when I catch him staring at me. I used to get embarrassed when he'd look at me this way but now knowing I may never see that softness in his eyes ever again, and the weight of our clearly devastating circumstances are dawning on me.

We fought so hard to be together and even now we continue fighting for not only our love but for our family as well. If we make it out alive I think I should leave him, not because I don't love him anymore. It's deeper then that, I know he won't walk away again but we don't have any other choice, when everything else disappears it's only our family and I can't risk losing someone else because I was to selfish to walk away.