Ain't it fun (Paramore/ Tayley fan fic)

I had to stop myself

An: this chapter is quite sad and your probably gonna hate me. Please note that none of this is real and it is all made up. Hope you enjoy it and please let me know what you think in the comments :)
Title from I caught myself a song that the band never put on a cd but made for twilight and it is on the twilight soundtrack
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hayley's pov
I woke up again about mid day. Taylor had disappeared. I hugged his side of the mattress to find it still warm, meaning he had only just left. I rolled on to it and It faintly smelt of him. I took in a huge breath and then snuggled up. I loved the smell of Taylor and the lovely warmth of his soft skin- woah Hayley what the fuck. Taylor's your best friend.

I couldn't go through it again, I couldn't fall through for someone again. The memories of Ashley were so real, still fresh in my mind. He could still be out there I told myself and I started to freak, tears running down my cheeks. Are you going to do what you do best Hayley?The voice taunted and my eyes all to quickly spotted Taylor's razor on the side. No I promised him I wouldn't. I needed him, I needed Taylor

I heard his voice come from the living area, he was obviously talking to Jeremy. I didn't want to interrupt, Taylor was pratically breathing down my back twenty four seven. It wasn't fair on him, he desevered to have a life that wasn't ruled by me and my constant struggles.

I sat up and patiently waited for him to return. But it was so hard, knowing that the thing that could help ease the pain was right across the room, staring Me In the face.
I couldn't I promised him. He won't care, he doesn't care about you the voice interjected

I gritted my teeth and walked towards the razor. I held it to my wrist, ready to pierce it into my skin at a moments notice. But I couldn't, I promised Tay. I threw it against the wall in frustration. I turned round, ready to go see the others when I saw Tay stood in the doorway. I froze, not daring to move an inch.

Taylor's pov
" I'm just gonna check on Hayley" I told Jeremy as I walked back to the bunk area, I thought I heard something and I didn't want Hayley to wake up alone. Jeremy was used to me being so overprotective by now, I couldn't help it though, it was just buried into my natural instincts.

I was about to say something when the sight of Hayley stopped me. She was slowly walking towards the side. Shit, I had left my razor there. I watched shocked as she held the sharp blade to her wrist, ready to strike.

Do something Taylor, don't just stand there. I finally managed to get my legs to function and was about to sort Hayley out, but then she shocked me again, by throwing the razor against the wall. My heart thudded in pride. She was stronger than I thought she was. She turned, saw me and froze.

" it's...not w-what it looks l-like" she stammered, cheeks blushing as she stared down at her old battered converse. I need to get her some new ones, but wait, nows not the time Taylor

" really. Because it look like you just overcame your demons" I beamed, pulling her into a hug " I'm so proud of you" I mumbled into her soft hair that smelt soothingly of strawberries.

" wait... So your not mad?" she said as she pulled away and looked into my eyes, hers filled with worry and relief at the same time. Mad?

" why would I be mad?" I asked, genuinely puzzled.

" because I almost broke my promise and I almost-" she couldn't bring herself to finish that sentence.

" but you didn't. And I wouldn't have been mad anyway, I'm just trying to help you. You're like my little sister"

" I'm a year older that you York" she reminded me.

" shh. I know that but metaphorically"

" baby sister York" she chuckled

" that, my friend is your new nickname. Come on, Jeremy's making bacon sandwiches for lunch" I said as Hayley's stomach rumbled, sending us into a fit of giggles.

We walked into the kitchen and sat at the table, still holding hands. Again I got that strange tingly feeling at her touch. Was that normal for best friends? Of course not you idiot.

" thanks for the sandwich Jeremy, I love bacon more than anything in the world"

" nah your gonna meet a nice guy someday who you'll love with all your heart" Jeremy said kindly

Hayley shook her head frantically. " I'll never love anyone again, it only leads to trouble"

That hurt me. Was it the fact that I felt bad that Hayley had been hurt so bad she would never love again? Or was it the fact that there was never a chance of us hsppenng?

Either way there was no way I could tell Hayley of my feelings. It would only hurt her more. She was broken but would I be able to fix her this time?

I can't afford to think like this. There is no other alternative. She had to survive. Otherwise I don't know what I would do to myself.