An; remember that time I said was going to try update more regularly? Well that clearly didn't work out. Im Just really busy with exams so I'm sorry. Sorry as well for this next chapter, very badly written and probably had loads of spelling mistakes but I'm tired. Warning; may be triggering and contains self harm scenes, you have been warned sorry it your finding this story really far fetched but I hope you enjoy it and please let me know what you think in the comments. Also, 1.71k thanks guys
Title from another day
Maia_fvk xx
Taylor's pov
I felt like I had been punched in the stomach. I was in shock. The rest of the table uttered congratulations to the newly engaged couple but I just sat there with my mouth wide open, like a goldfish. The girl of my dreams was engaged to somebody, but that person wasn't me. Do you know how much that killed me inside? I felt like a part of me was dying, the small part that had hoped she would change her mind. But Hayley had always been stubborn. Eventually the congratulations stopped and the meal in hell stopped, and I was greatful when the cool night air hit my face, refreshing me. It all felt like to much to take in.
The taxi ride was silent and I didn't say a word to anyone, I just stared down at my hands, which I was wringing out nervously. Rosa kept trying to place them around hers but I just snatched them back. I wasn't in the mood right now for her. I thought I loved her but I was wrong, it was Hayley and it always was. It always has been. But at the same time it never will be.
We finally arrived at the bus and I wordlessly handed the taxi driver a twenty, signalling for him to keep the change. Might as well make some one happy on this miserable night. I slammed the door and mounted the stairs straight to my room and completed it by collapsing in heap on top of my bed covers, crumpling them all up but I didn't care. My muddy shoes were dirtying the White sheets but I don't care. My face was wet against my pillow from all the tears but I didn't care.Hayley was the only thing I care about because without her I was nothing.
A knock at the door startled me and desperately wiped my red eyes on the sleeve of my jumper before telling the knocker to come in. I don't know why I even tried to wipe my eyes, it wouldn't have changed them to look like I hadn't been crying. plus I was pretty sure I already looked like shit, my hair would probably be sticking up in all directions.
The door opened to reveal Rosa, who looked sympathetically down at me before slinking into a sitting position next to my side, carefully so she didn't mess up the covers. Hayley wouldn't have cared about the covers and if I mock complained she would have thrown them on the floor and smirked at me. Rosa only perched on the edge of the bed whereas Hayley would spread out and taken up the whole bed, leaving only a tiny portion for me. They were so different, how could I have gone from one extreme to the other? Perhaps what most attracted me to Rosa was that she was the complete opposite of Hayley and that's exactly what I needed to get over her. Or so I thought because actually it did the opposite, it reminded me of how much more fun Hayley was and how she really was one of a kind
" everybody wants to go out clubbing. You coming?" She asked expectantly, expecting the answer to be yes. But all I wanted was time alone. I shook my head slowly
" its fine, you go on" i reassured.
" oh well if you insist" she giggled before charging out of the room. If it was Hayley, she would insist we both stay in and we would watch a movie. But Rosa wasn't Hayley. That was the problem
Soon after, the door slams and I'm left all alone with my thoughts ( oh no!)
I wondered aimlessly around the bus looking for something to do but everything reminded me of Hayley. I went round every single room to no avail and somehow I ended up in the bathroom, staring at the ghost reflection of a man in the mirror, his cheeks faint, his eyes ringed in red and big tear stains down his face. Anyone could have told he was crying but Rosa never said a word, never asked whether I was okay, let alone comfort me. Hayley would do all those things plus more, just like I did for her.
As my eyes skim the shelves, they catch sight off something shining in the light and I realise with a chill that it's one of Hayley's razors. Long forgotten about to her maybe but I could still remember the days I would find home to her wrists covered in blood and a razor beside her. I cared for her so much, more than Ashley ever will yet she still picked him over me. He screwed up so many times and never even said sorry. I was the one to pick up all the pieces just for her to get back together with him like nothing happened.
How could she prefer him over me despite all this? Was I really such a horrible person that she couldn't bear the thought of living with me, that she would rather get back with her abusive ex? Was I really that unlovable?
Hayley said to me once that the razor helps numb the pain and that's all I feel at the minute. I had nothing to lose, I mean things couldn't get any worse. I gritted my teeth and held the razor to my wrist.
Pathetic. One slit
Fat. One slit
Ugly. One slit
Not good enough. One slit
Unlovable, talentless, mean, cruel, soppy, baby etc. the list and the cuts went on and on and one. My body shoot and I physically couldn't fight off the shakes as the tears rolled down my cheeks. I dropped the razor with a gasp.
" Taylor?" A small voice sounded from the door way as the little pixie known as Hayley willians walked in
YOU ARE READING
Ain't it fun (Paramore/ Tayley fan fic)
FanfictionCompleted! Hayley and Taylor have been best friends forever and had been there for each other during the roughest times ( like the brothers leaving the band). Everyone thought something was going on between them but they were just friends. Right? Bu...
