Waves of Life (Quiseo Girls #1)

Chapter 35: Humble oneself

Chapter 35: Humble oneself

"Sorry for failing the two of you," Ate Felize whispered in between her sobs that gave me a big lump in the throat.

She looked at Laurice first before she turned to me and continued, "Through the past year that you weren't here? There was no single day that I didn't blame myself. I felt so accountable for everything that you have gone through, Elise."

Hindi ko alam kung anong una kong gagawin. The pain that her tears is giving me is too heavy to carry, let alone her agonizing revelation.

My hands were trembling when I reached for her cheeks to wipe away her tears but it didn't stop. It keeps on streaming down her face. Pasakit din nang pasakit 'yong nararamdaman ko sa loob-loob ko.

She suffered. Hindi ko sure kung pareho o higit pa sa pinagdaanan ko but she suffered. There's no need to compare or to match up the heaviness. We all are broken inside although it is in different ways and intensities.

I carefully rolled over to my left as I rested my hands behind the mattress in between us. I crossed my arms on my chest hoping that my own warmth will subdue the shaking of my hands.

It did... but the extreme sadness inside me was still there, rushing through my veins.

I sincerely mumbled, "Napatawad na kita, Ate Felize. Matagal na."

I saw how her eyes lightened and evinced hope. Her sobs also started to hush down upon hearing what I said. Yet, the tears are still rolling from her eyes.

Pinilit kong ngumiti sa harap nilang dalawa para kahit papaano, mapagaan ko naman 'yong loob nila. Pero deep inside? My heart is aching and my mind is unrest— thoughts are rumbling on my head.

I'm in pain seeing how affected Ate Felize was and still is. I'm hurting inside realizing how hard things were and still are for us.

I truthfully told them almost whispering, "Pero kung tatanungin niyo ko? I will always choose that decision I opted for a year ago. Because that decision taught me a lot of things that all the wealth of our family couldn't. It was an eye-opener experience for me. Na nakatulong din to make the woman I am now."

I felt how tears are wanting to escape from my eyes, so I rolled over to my back as I stared at the sky, trying to fight back my tears.

From my peripheral vision, I can see their glances directed at me.

As much as I don't want them to get a glimpse of my sadness, ano pa nga bang magagawa ko? I don't want to fake things and give them a false view of what I've gone through.

Pero, I want them to know that it was me who decided for myself.

I took a deep breath first before I tilted my head to Ate Felize's side.

I assured her in a calm voice, "You're not responsible for it, Ate Felize. Yes, maybe, what happened back then was a turning point for me to choose this path. Pero, ate, ni isang beses? Hindi kita sinisi at hindi ko naisip na sisihin ka."

Napatigil ako sa pagsasalita when she covered her face with both of her hands. Mas lumakas 'yong hagulgol niya kaysa kanina.

I was about to move my body to comfort her pero nauna na si Laurice.

Tinapik-tapik niya si ate sa balikat to calm her kaya pinagpatuloy ko na 'yong sinasabi ko, "I was hurt. Tinanong ko pa nga 'yong sarili ko kung mahal mo ba talaga ko... kung may galit ka ba sa 'kin. Pero mahal kita masyado eh. Kaya pinatawad kita agad."