Dear Diary, Makaka-move on ba ako?

Eighteen

"A-Ano?"

Katie stuttered as she asked. Parang hindi sya makapaniwala sa sinabi ni Xander na girlfriend nya ako. WAIT, WHAT?! Sinabi ni Xander na girlfriend nya ako? ARGH!

I kicked his feet under the table, at buti nalang the table was lined with a linen cloth so Katie wouldn't see what I did. Xander took a deep breath when I kicked him hard, then he straightened up from his seat. I'm guessing that he's enduring the pain.

"She's my, uh.." He looked at me again. "G-girlfriend."

I kicked him hard under the table again which made him jump a little but he quickly recovered. I gave him the what-the-fuck-are-you-talking-about look, my eyes widening.

"Not bad, Castro." Katie came a little closer towards him and traced his jaw with her fingertip. "I didn't know you could replace me over the summer. That was quick."

I saw Xander stiffen. Nakita ko na nag sparkle yung mga mata nya nung mag katinginan sila ni Katie. His whole face just shouts that he still loves Katie. And I know exactly why he introduced me to Katie as his girlfriend: To make her jealous.

Parang... parang... yung ginawa namin ni Paolo dati para mapag selos si Macky...

I don't know but I think... Xander and I think very alike.

"Well, enjoy the rest of your day." She said, then she walked away from us, her heels clacking everytime she takes a step.

"Wait, Katie!" Biglang humiyaw si Xander.

No, Xander! Wag mong sabihin na mahal mo pa sya, wag kang maging mahina. Wag kang bumalik sa umpisa. Don't!

"Yes?" She confidently smiled as she looked behind her shoulder. Pa sway sway pa yung blonde na buhok nya. Ano, commercial ng rejoice ang peg?

I knew that she's thinking Xander would want her back. I can see it on the way her lips formed that wicked smile. But that smile faded when Xander began to spoke.

"Can you give us our check? Ihahatid ko pa si bae sa bahay nila eh."

BAE? What the heck! =_________=

"S-sure. I'll be there in a second." She turned around again and disappeared.

"Jessica, Thank you for cooperating." He started. "Gusto ko lang naman na makita nyang-"

"Naka move-on ka na?" I asked while I stir the beverage with the red stirrer. He nodded.

"Nako, Xander ha." I shook my head. "You need to tell her soon. Ayokong kumalat na-"

"Don't worry, I'll tell her." He said as he looked outside the window, his fingers intertwined. For some reason, he's smiling na parang may kababalaghang tumatkbo sa ulo nya.

"Yeah, I'll tell her soon." He looked at me, with revenge and fury building in his eyes.

* * *

Gusto kong umiyak.

It's Tuesday night, and I don't know how I find myself in my room, talking to Paolo over the phone. Kakasagot palang nya ng telepono, pero gusto na kaagad nyang ibaba.

"Jessica, please understand."

"Understand? You told me na you'll at least go here once a week." I sniffed. "And now you're telling me you can't."

Tahimik. I can hear his breathing although hindi sya nag sasalita. It took him a while before he could respond.

"Jess, alam mo namang working student na ako di'ba? Ginagawa ko to para sa sarili ko, para sa'tin." He explained. "Para maging maganda yung future natin pag Mrs. Flores ka na."

"Kahit na." I know that he's distracting me by saying stuff like that. "I need you here. Once a week is enough, Paolo. Please."

Tahimik nanaman. Bakit ba parang nahihirapan lagi syang sumagot? Parang lagi nya muna kailangan pag isipan ng mabuti kung anong sasabihin nya sakin? I don't know, pero... why?

"I'll try." He finally said. "But I can't promise."

He'll try? Bakit susubukan lang nya? Bakit hindi nya gawin? Hindi ba nya ako nami-miss? Hindi ba nya ako naiisip everytime na mag kalayo kami? I can feel my eyes becoming warm, and it's a sign that I'm close to crying.

"Don't you want to see me?" I asked him. "Kasi ako Paolo, lagi kang nasa isip-"

"Of course I want to see you." He said. "Pero you need to understand, Jessica. Please."

I cover my mouth with my other hand to provent him from hearing me sniff. I can feel my mouth shaking as I began to cry, and I don't want to talk anymore because he'll just find out that i'm crying.

"Jessica? Hello?" His voice echoing in my ears. "I know you're there."

I know you're there... Yan yung sinabi sa'kin ni Paolo dati nung una kaming mag ka usap sa cellphone. Nung mga panahong nahihiya pa ako sa kanya, nung mga panahong lagi pa syang nandyan, nung mga panahong lagi ko syang nakikita. Bakit kung kelan masaya na kami tsaka naman nag karoon ng ganitong problema? Bakit kung kelan nakuha ko na sya, dun naman sya lalayo? Ibig sabihin ba nito ganito na lang kami hanggang sa maka graduate sya? Hindi na kami mag kikita? What about my needs? His hugs, his caresses, him. I don't want him, I need him.

"Pano sa birthday ko?" I pleaded. "Three more weeks and it's my birthday already."

He didn't respond. All he just said was "Jessica... I-I think I might, it depends."

Tama nga si Xander. Kapag mahal mo talaga ang isang tao, bibigyan mo ng oras kahit anong mangyari di'ba? Eh bakit hindi man lang mag-effort si Paolo na makita ako once a week kung talagang mahal nya ako? Isang araw lang naman ang hinihingi ko ah. Is that too much to ask for? Considering the fact that he's my boyfriend? My other half? Hindi naman siguro, di'ba?

"I need to go." I sniffed. "Goodnight."

"Jessica, wai-"

Before he could say anything more than that, I quickly tapped the end button.

* * *

I pressed the doorbell with my cold fingers.

It's friday afternoon, after ng school. Hindi pumasok si Xander ngayon, although he texted me to go to this adress para daw magawa na namin yung project. I wanted to finish this as soon as I can. Gusto ko lang mag pahinga ngayong weekend. I'll have my barriers in interacting with people for this weekend. Ayoko munang makihalubilo with anyone.

It's a huge house. There's white walls everywhere, and the house is built in a really sophisticated and modern way. There's corners everywhere, and I can't see a single curve in the foundation of this house. I looked up and saw a balcony, with glass windows on it. I pressed the doorbell again then nakita ko si Xander nung binuksan nya yung blinds. He signalled that he'll be coming right over, and then he disappeared.