Dear Diary, Makaka-move on ba ako?

Thirty Two

Xander's POV

Hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala pagkatapos kong mabasa ang lahat ng nakasulat sa notebook na ito.

It was Jessica's diary. It was hers. It was where she put all her thoughts, her feelings, her memories... lahat. Lahat ng pag ka tao ni Jessica nandito.

After reading all this, ngayon ko lang na realize na talagang minahal nya pala ako. Kinaya nyang talikuran ang lahat ng tao para lang sa isang katulad ko? Pero bakit? It was her fault, not mine. Hindi ko kasalanan kung na-inlove sya sa isang poging tao na katulad ko. Eh kasalanan din naman nya eh. Hindi ko naman sya mapipilit kung away nya talaga. She had a choice.

So it means, ginusto nya din.

Hah, I can't blame her. Just look at me, I'm fucking irresistible. ;)

Pero may isang tumatak sa isip ko from those pages. It's the last entry she wrote.

Dear Diary,

Pasensya na kung iiwan na kita.

Through this year, masasabi ko na ikaw ang nagging pinaka matalik ko na kaibigan. You were always there when I needed to burst out my feelings. Ikaw lang ang palaging nandyan para sa'kin na handang making sa mga useless ko na kwento. You were the only one who stick with me til' the end.

I know na hindi dapat kita iwan, pero kung isasama kita sakin, babalik ang lahat ng nangyari sakin. Alam kong may mga sinabi ako sayo na masaya, and I am so sure that having you would make my day, pero may mga sinulat din akong ayoko nang balikan at maalala pa.

Ang sakit kasi, Diary eh. Parang lahat planado. Everything was arranged that I should end up hurting.

Pero I'm done with that. I am moving on with my life. Kaya sana diary, maintindihan mo. You've been helpful, so so so helpful. Pero this is where are my pain ends.

And when I come back to get you, I will be the strongest and happiest I'll ever be.

Farewell.

-Jessica.

"Um, Xander?" Maxene called as she opened the door to my office that made me hide the purple notebook under my desk quickly. "The clients are here."

What the fuck? Ahhhhh shit! Ngayon ko nga pala i-me-meet yung mga clients. Holy fucking fuck. Bakit ko nakalimutan? This is so klutzy of me. I'm unprepared. No, hindi pa ako handa, hindi pa ako handa na makita sya. No no no.

I stood up from my office chair and walked back and forth. Fuck, this is so awkward. Anong gagawin ko pag nakita ko na sya?

Do I smile? No, that would be creepy.

Do I laugh? They'll think I'm crazy.

Do I say hi? No, that'll be so unprofessional.

Fuck, what am I supposed to do?

"Hello, good afternoon. I heard you're the archi-" A voice of a woman caught my attention which quickly stopped as our eyes met.

A woman with wavy black hair up to her neck is standing right in front me. Her bright eyes widened, and her soft looking plump lips stopped moving. Her complexion is the best one I've seen as well as her rosy pink cheeks, with no scratches and acne or even mosquito bite marks. She's wearing a white fitted tube dress that complimented her curves and her hour glass figure as well as her cleavage. Oh, that fucking cleavage. Her boobs looks more bigger now, much fuller. 

Holy fuck. That's all I can say.

"Xander?" Her soft and velvety looking lips moved once again. "Oh my gosh, you're Xander Castro aren't you?"

"Yes, and you are?"

OH SHIT. I fucked up. I looked like I was trying hard not to identify her. ARGH XANDER. Why are you so fucking dumb?!

"Oh, hindi ko alam if you still remember me, but I'm Jessica. Jessica Garcia." She offers her hand in the air, her eyes still meeting mine. "The girl you played."

"Excuse me?" I said.

"I mean, your client." She smiles, but I can tell that she's just forcing it.

I looked at her again, with her hand still in the air. Eto na yung babaeng pinaglaruan ko dati. Babaeng sinaktan at niloko ko. Babaeng walang ibang ginawa kundi ibigay lahat ng gusto ko, at hindi nagkulang. Babaeng minahal ako ng sobra.

Fuck, why do I feel so guilty all of the sudden?

"Of course. How can I forget a lovely woman like you?" I said, shaking her hand. Puta, pati ba naman ang mga kamay nya, napakalambot? Was it really this soft before?

I saw her force a smile as she pulls her hand away from me. Until I noticed a sparkly diamond ring resting in her ring finger. No, no. It's impossible. It's probably just something she values. A gift from her grandmother... Uh, a dead friend... Yeah, yeah. That. It's just-

"Oh, and i'd like you to meet my lovely husband." She said, emphasizing the word lovely to mock me.

Wait, h-husband? Fuck, kinasal na si Jessica? No, this is all so impossible. This is all bullshit. She's just fucking bluffing.

But no.

I didn't know that it can get any more awkward than this until a specific man walked right through my door. 

A man that I know better than I should have.

Paolo Flores.