Dear Diary, Makaka-move on ba ako?

Twenty Nine

Dear Diary,

Why don't you give love on Christmas day?

Di'ba dapat tuwing pasko, masaya ang lahat ng tao? Hindi ba't dapat magkakasama ang lahat? It's a night to celebrate Jesus' birth so we should all feel loved.

Well, it wasn't like that for me.

Simula nung pag kabalik namin galing sa fieldtrip. Naging napaka cold na sa akin ni Xander. He doesn't really pay attention to me at all, and sometimes, parang wala na syang pakialam sa akin. It's like, he's tired of loving me, of taking care of me.

I tried to talk to him about this, pero wala syang ibang sinabi kundi ang "What are you talking about?". He also started to join the Basketball club one week pag ka balik namin galing sa fieldtrip na lagi nyang dahilan kung bakit hindi kami pwedeng mag hang out tuwing after school.

Dati rati, pag katapos palang ng school, ihahatid nya ako sa bahay, or daanan muna kami sa convenience store para bumili ng ice cream or slushie. Pero simula nung sumali na sya sa basketball, wala na syang ibang bukambibig kundi ang

"May practice kami eh."

"Magagalit si Coach."

"May game kami bukas, kailangan ko pumunta dun. Sasamahan kita bukas."

Pero kinabukasan, ganun pa din. He's always with them, playing basketball. Siguro I got really dependent when it comes to him. Can you blame me? Sya lang naman kasi yung nandyan para sa akin simula ng nawala si Paolo sa buhay ko. But now...

Bakit parang si Xander unti unti nang nawawala?

Maybe i'm just over thinking again. Maybe i'm really clingy when it comes to my boyfriend.

Ayokong mangyari nanaman ang nangyari kay Paolo dati. I already caused someone too much pain, and I can't do that to Xander as well. Maybe I just need to understand Xander. Hindi lang naman ako ang buhay nya.

Maybe i'm just not his priority right now. Pero alam kong mag babago yun. I have hope.

Or so I thought.

It was already Christmas break when I decided na tawagan si Xander nung mga panahon na yun. Sobrang nami-miss ko na sya, and I haven't seen him simula ang last day bago ang break.

I was so bored that day, I was so desperate.

I asked him kung pwede kaming mag kita. You know, mag hang out like we used to. Mag lakad lakad lang sa mall, mag kantahan hanggang sa mapagod kami, or just watch a movie in each other's arms.

Pero alam mo kung anong sabi nya Diary? He said na may practice daw sila ng mga friends nya kasi may laban daw sila kinabukasan nun.

Of course I bitched at him. Sinabi ko sa kanya na wala na syang time para sakin, na bakit mas inuuna na nya yung basketball kesa sa'kin. Which I shouldn't have because it made him shout at me for the first time.

"You're so fucking self-centered!"

When I heard him say that over the phone, it took me a minute to recover. Sinabi ba talaga nya yun sa akin? Hindi ako makapaniwala na sinabihan nya ako ng ganun.

Siguro nga self-centered ako but does he really need to shout it? I realized na mali nga ako and I need to change, pero bago pa ako makapag sorry sa kanya, binaba na nya yung phone kaagad. :'/

I just wanted to be with him on that whole day. I miss his company a lot, but it does not seem like he feels the same way. </3

I ended up calling Nikki. Halata na ng kaunti ang baby bump nya nung nangyari yun. Pero napakaswerte ko kay Nikki kasi kahit na may dala dala syang bata sa tiyan nya, she happily wanted to come with me to the mall. So we just planned na bumili nalang ng mga regalo para sa pasko.