Dear Diary, Makaka-move on ba ako?

Nineteen

"We are products of our past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it."

- Rick Warren

* * *

"Ugh, Jessica!"

Mabilis akong tumakbo palabas ng pintuan sa kwarto ni Xander, looking back at chance I have to see if he's following me. He is.

I looked to my left and right, trying to decide which way I should go. Before Xander could grab my arm, I quickly take a left turn towards the room beside it. I hold the steel doorknob which feels cold to my hand.

"Jessica," Xander called. Mas soft na yung boses nya ngayon and for some reason, he looked quite serious...? "Don't open it."

"Oh, i'm s-sorry." I stuttered. Nakakahiya ka, Jessica! Unang beses mo pa nga lang na pumunta sa bahay nung tao and you already think that you can open whichever room you want to?

"No... Ano kasi... Um," he darted his eyes away from as I look at him. I let him collect his words. "Ano, hindi pa sya...Um, magulo pa yung kwarto ko."

Kwarto nya? Fuck, I didn't even realize. I was going inside his room! I can't believe myself. I was about to invade his privacy without even me knowing it!

"No, nataranta kasi ako. I'm sorry." I said, his eyes still averting mine. "Um, let's go back inside. Tapusin na natin yung project."

I walk towards his door and get inside, passing him by the door. He looks like he has thoughts battling inside him, and he doesn't know what to do. I look away from him and find my way towards the big red couch, leaning my head back on it, looking up. I let my hands freely lay beside me hanggang sa may maramdaman akong malambot, yet wet. I looked down beside to see the most horrible thing you can find on a boy's room: used kleenex.

"Ew!" I exclaim, taking my step back from the couch when I stood up away from it. "Xander! What the hell!"

"Anong nangyari? Okay ka lang ba?" He immediately run towards me, his face alarmed and worried.

"Yung mga tissue paper mo." I said slowly, pausing at every word I say. I pointed at the nasty sight. There's clearly more than one, but less than ten.

He laugh. "Oh what do you expect, Jessica? It's an entertainment room. Para saan pa yang TV na yan?"

"I don't know, video games?"

"Eh, sometimes. But I use it mostly on jerking off." He says, na parang normal lang yun.

"Urgh!" I crinkle my nose with disgust on my face.

"What? Healthy kaya yun." He winked, then he walks papunta dito sa couch, then he takes the the tissue papers away, tossing them to the nearby trash bin na parang nag ba-basketball pa sya.

"Healthy ka dyan!" I said, still disgusted. "Pervert ka lang kamo."

"Pervert?," he laughed. "So if you play with yourself, you're a pervert?"

"H-hindi. I'm just saying..." I said. For some reason, Paolo comes into my mind. That night... When he took my purity...

"You're fucking blushing because of this?" He laughed even more, teasing me.

"No." I shook my head. "I just... remembered... something."

"Oh." He smirked at me. His face gives me a hint that he knows what i'm thinking of. I don't know, i'm not sure. But after that, he didn't mention it again.

Bumalik kami sa pag d-drawing ulit. Well, si Xander lang since i'm just watching him anyways. He's a really good artist, every stroke his pencil makes, it comes out beautifully. He didn't even need to use an eraser that much.