The Princess and I

Chapter XXX: Is this the end?

In the past couple of days nothing changed much. My parents still are not speaking with me just as Liam refused to speak with Christina. Elias almost completely ignored me as well, except for some mean remarks about how I could have broken Liam's heart that way. Although they are not speaking to me, my parents still force me to continue the courting season. I don't know what they think to get out of this. Perhaps, so I would see Liam again and we would make up or perhaps, so I could be punished for my indecent behaviour by the many questions and gossip of our society. Because although I rejected him in my own house, the whole of London pretty soon was aware Lady Le Bon had rejected the Duke's proposal.

So, the first time I went to a social event after breaking up with Liam, I was surrounded by almost everyone and they were bombarding me with all sorts of questions not caring if they could hurt me or not minding etiquette at all. Everybody just wanted an answer to his or her questions. Why did I reject the Duke? Has something happened between us? Was the Duke back to his irresponsible self again? Was there another man in my life? I told the same story over and over again, but people would not let me be and they soon came up with another story all together.

Christina and I only saw each other at those social events, where she always led me away from prying eyes and defended me against the most inappropriate questions. But still we were not able to be together for real and that bothered us a great deal. We could only look at each other from a distance with longing glares and the wish to be close to one another. We exchanged secret embraces and kisses in the rest rooms and we held hands under tables and spaces, where we did not attract any attention. Because of my parent's constant determination to put me out in public, Christina and I hadn't even been able to visit our safe haven anymore. And I really missed the cottage every day more and more.

We were able to communicate though, since Christina was very creative in making letters and transferring them unseen to me. Those letters contained our heart's desires to be together again and remembrances of the moments we already shared. I loved our secret letters, because it was nice to hear from her uncensored and to have something from her to keep close. Still, it didn't outweigh a real touch, a kiss from her lips or her body close to mine.

Liam I have not seen, since he discovered the truth about me and his sister. I tried to ask Elias how Liam has been, but my brother only told me Liam was coping with his loss the way he saw fit. And since I smelled booze on my brother's breath more often, I knew what that entailed. Liam was back to his former life. And surely, I heard the gossip soon afterwards. The Duke spotted at a brothel. The Duke gambling at sport matches, fighting games and illegal poker tournaments. The Duke being drunk all the time in the pubs at the docks. His irresponsible behaviour worried me and I wrote to Christina about it one day. She agreed, but she had not been able to talk to her brother about it all,since he would not hear her out or he was not at home at all.

I am startled from my thoughts, because Nicholas touches my arm. We are attending a play and it looks like there was a short break in the play. 'Were you actually sleeping?' my oldest brother muses. Nicholas never reprimanded me for my decision and was the only member in my family together with Naomi, who was willing to talk to me. I always thought he was the stiff one, but the last couple of days I realized he was the big brother a girl could only wish for.

'No, I was not asleep. In fact I was doing some thinking.'

'Well, you continue your musings after the break.' He offers me his arm and I walk with him to the foyer, where we stumble across a couple of familiar faces. We talk with them for a while – Nicholas more than once defending our family's honour - but then I see Christina from the corner of my eye. She gestures for me to follow her and I excuse myself and follow her backstage. In the darkness of the stage she pulls me to her and kisses me feverishly.