The Princess and I

Chapter XLVIII: Epiphany

Gun shots. The roaring sounds of cannon fire. Men shouting. Women crying, searching for their children. Houses are being plundered by people we once called friends. Everywhere there's blood, screaming, violence. I never thought I would live to see this day. And how agonizing it is indeed! My father cradles his three women in his strong arms and hushes our moans out of fear we're heard. My two brothers are looking at the sky, afraid of who may open those doors. The way they look they're just like the warfare gods of yore. Elias isn't even old enough to wear a gun; he's just fourteen. Nicholas on the contrary is the patriarch of his own family now, so I guess he must defend us as well as his wife and new born boy. I look at my nephew, who is -surprisingly- sleeping. We're all afraid for the moment he wakes up and feels our anxiety. We should make sure he's got something to eat to prevent him from crying. My sister-in-law Louisa is just wordlessly praying in unison with my mother.

Another blast and the ground shudders. Dust falls into our eyes. This one was much closer than the last. And indeed, suddenly I hear wood breaking close by, the sounds of statues being smashed to pieces, pieces of art being destroyed into oblivion, glass breaking and then flames of fire crackling. Footsteps are running and then there's perfect silence, except for the rustling sounds of the flames. Nicholas looks to his father too afraid to ask what we should do next. I don't know what causes his fears. I don't understand him. What is there to do really? We are here. The flames are upstairs. We're in our safe haven.

It doesn't take long for the raging fire upstairs to reach our shelter however. The heat is growing. Smoke clouds our sight and makes it difficult to breathe. My father puts his handkerchief over our mouths, so we won't breath in the toxic smoke. I hear him coughing and feel my own eyes water. He puts us down to the ground where the air is fresher. Still, I'm having difficulty breathing. I'm afraid we all will die in this dreadful place. Roasted like bread in an oven. I can't see anyone anymore. I hear a dull knock like somebody's falling down. I don't know who it is.

My eyes are burning, so I can't cry anymore. My throat feels thick and raspy. It closes down my trachea. Therefore, breathing gets really hard and it hurts like hell. I feel airless, which my father's body on top of me definitely makes it worse. My lungs are screaming for oxygen. I see stars in front of my eyes. And then the hatch to our shelter opens...

But suddenly time stands still. I see everybody move in slow motion, while Naomi steps through the hatch and descends into the basement. Both she and I seem to be moving at normal speed. My sister's kind brown eyes look at me compassionately though wisely and she says softly: 'What are you doing, sister?'

I start to cry as I crawl away from my father and embrace her. I answer her truthfully: 'I'm afraid I will choke. I'm afraid of dying.'

'You will die of sorrow if you continue this way. Stop neglecting yourself and start living again.'

'There comes a day, when I'll choke on my grief for you, Naomi. I miss you so terribly.'

Naomi puts her head on my shoulder and sighs. 'I wasn't ready to die yet, but I guess it was my time to leave this world.'

I caress her soft hair, like I used to do so many times before when she was having a nightmare, whenever she was sad and more recently when her body was convulsing with her coughing fits. I wasn't ready to let her go once more. As if she had read my mind Naomi looks me into my eyes and says: 'I wasn't ready, but I'm at peace with it now. And you should be too.'

'I can't. You were way too young to die.'

'That's not up to you to decide unfortunately. All you have to do is decide how you want to live the rest of your life.'