Love is a Broken Window | Cricky [C]

42 | Clouds

| Ricky's POV |

Devin, Chris, Josh, and myself all made it to the airport ahead of schedule. We got checked in for our flights, bags checked and through security. However, Balz and Ryan were running late, like always. While we waited on them, we all ate breakfast at a little cafe a small walk down from our terminal. 

"I'm already homesick and we haven't even boarded the plane." Devin sulked. 

"You'll be home before you know it." Josh said. "It's only four weeks." 

"But so much can happen in four weeks! Bella just turned five months, and that's when all the important stuff starts happening. I don't want to miss it." 

"She loves you too much to let you miss it." I smiled. 

"I hope you're right." He sighed. "What about you? You seem like you're in a better mood." 

"Um, yeah. Chris and I... talked everything over." 

"Yeah, talked." Chris snickered under his breath. 

Josh looked at him strangely. "What's that supposed to-"

"Oh, look. There's Ryan and Balz." I interrupted. I WAS NOT staying on that topic!

The other two had just enough time to drink a cup of coffee and eat a little coffee cake and fruit before we had to board the plane. They sat next to each other, Devin was next to Josh, and Chris and I sat next to each other. I'll admit, I'm a nervous flier. I'm not afraid of crashes or anything. I just don't like being in such a small space. with so many people. That's why I take the window seat, so I can look out at the clouds and feel free.

Sometimes, I wish depression was like claustrophobia. That, you could just look out and window and the stress would be gone. It doesn't work that way. Strangely, when I'm around Chris though, I do feel better and happier. Maybe he is like my window out to freedom.

I bounced my leg, nervous as Hell. Before the plane took off, I decided to check my phone. A text from my mom wishing my good luck on tour, but that was it. Anyone else that would text me is currently on this plane. I went through my Instragram feed, seeing a picture that we had taken at breakfest. Josh had put it up, writing on the caption, "Slave to the grind! Hitting the road hard again! #balzandryanaregoingtomisstheirflight" 

I laughed to myself. Then I kept going down in my feed, seeing Angelo had posted the picture of us all at the table last night. On it, he wrote, "Such an amazing and blessed feeling to sit down with my family again. Though I may not be a car on this crazy train anymore, it still keeps chugging strong! These guys have worked their asses off and proudly get to say Motionless turns 10 this year! It's amazing how far they've come. I'm so proud of my boys!" 

I couldn't help but notice in the picture, Chris looked really good. He looked better than I did, by a long shot. Honestly, I don't get why he slept with me. He's way out of my league! Maybe it was a pity fuck. But, he kissed me, on New Years Eve and last night. I glanced down at the healing scars on my wrist. Why would he want someone so broken? And shattered? 

Chris is so beautiful... and I'm so... not. I'm a piece of shit, broken loser pumped full of meds. Why does he find anything worth it in me? I glanced over at him sitting next to me. He was so handsome. So kind, so smart, so talented. I'm none of those things. Why does he even bother with me? Other than for charity purposes. I let my eyes drift back to the window. 

His hand suddenly grabbed mine. Chris glanced around to see if the others were looking. Then, when they weren't, he kissed my temple. How does he always know when I need that? When I need him? He's too good to be wasting his love on me...